Good Intent

Sleep Over

2012-01-20T21:43:00.000-06:00

I still remember my first sleep over-- Angela Ballengee's house. I think i was 5, maybe 6. I knew it was a big deal because my mom was so excited. And it was catching. Henry and Silas had their first sleepover guest tonight and so far so good. They're still chattering a bit after 9:30 but i believe they'll be quieting down soon for sleep. They're all three on the floor on a big pile of blankets and looking forward to a morning of plants vs. zombies and waffles.

I had hoped to make homemade muffins, but with a crazy workday, a flat tire this am, and a snowstorm-- let's just say toaster waffles will fit the bill. Here's to happy memories and not having to tell them to quiet down again!

Changing Focus

2011-06-12T15:07:00.000-05:00

When i downloaded pictures from my camera this morning and they spanned easter to end-of-school activities, it confirmed something i had been sensing, our rhythms have definitely changed this year. While our focus for the past few years has been firmly on our family and close friends, we've shifted a little bit more outward in the last 6 months.

Henry and Silas are both enjoying close friendships with school friends that have resulted in drop-off playdates (i time i thought i'd never see with Silas). And with all of our family friends moving to the burbs, we've developed some close new friendships with neighborhood families we've met through the boys' school.

All to say our center has shifted to very close to home, and yet focused more outwardly than when the children were te-niny. I've gotten very involved with the parents group at the school (check us out, www.friendsofgoetheschool.org) and we find ourselves spending our weekends at the farmers' market, the playground, swimming at Humboldt beach; all things we can walk or bike to.

So check out the April-June photo album for a recap in pictures!

There were the boys' actual birthday celebrations:

May day secret flower deliveries to make.

Multicultural day-- the preschoolers represented Jamaica and sang "dei-o" and kindergarten did the Chinese fan dance.

My Superheros are 4 and 6!

2011-04-22T17:29:00.000-05:00

Last Saturday we celebrated the boys' birthday with a superhero bash. It was tons of fun, honestly. I think i found the perfect birthday-party-at-home formula. Drop-off for all the parents that aren't your closest friends so you can focus on the party and not entertaining other adults; add 6 family and friends that know their way around your house, pitch in without asking, and have lots of simple but fun activities.

After briefly flirting with a CareBears party a few months back the boys chose a superhero theme for the party. I started doing some online research and compiled some great ideas that guided our party*.

It came down to the last minute, but the boys finally let me take their picture, outdoors, in decent light, in full superhero regalia. I used this, along with picnik to create really simple invites which i printed at home on photo paper i found at the thrift store (4 in stack of paper for .80$!)

Guests arrived and their custom capes were draped over the back of their chair. They could choose any color arm warmers they wanted, along with a mask. I intended for them to color and decorate them, but not so much. There was also batman coloring book sheets, word puzzles, etc. on the table which kept 3 kids totally occupied and happy. The other 9 ran around like superheros of course!

The party started at 11 am and by about 11:30 we headed upstairs for the Superhero Training Academy. There was the "batcave" of course, in which each child had to crawl through a tunnel and retrieve a glow stick from the inside of the cave (small tent in a closet). Another spot was Spiderman's Web-Jumping practice and finally there was "spray the villians." I think all a hit. We put the kids into two groups-- the younger ones and the older ones and roughly rotated.

Then it was back downstairs for lunch at almost noon. Hotdogs, fruit, veggies, cheese and crackers. Nothing cute, just easy finger-food which provided something for everyone. Because while almost all kids love hot dogs, Silas does not. ("They make my breath smell stinky.")

I believe there was a little free play and then an impromptu dance party which was a huge hit. We played freeze dance with two songs and the kids had a blast. Definitely going to work this into all future parties. At this point i lost track of time but it was about time to head down for the pinata.

The weather was really terrible and the only upside was that it was predicted that way well in advance, so we didn't even try to set things up outside. The cape pinata was awesome, but i need to remember that all those kids are stronger than i think. A few didn't get a chance to whack it, but all was forgotten by the time they were scooping up candy.
A visit from the cupcake thief who claimed to have eaten all the cupcakes, and then it was time to head upstairs for happy birthday and cupcakes. We had about 20 minutes after the kids finished eating and i realized i had forgotten one activity. So up the stairs we went again. Each kid got a unique superhero card, they had to find 3 more just like it hidden all around the room. I set it up as a cooperative game, there was no prize for finding them fastest, you just got to keep the cards, and help the others that couldn't find there's yet. Sorry Owen, we still haven't found your 4th card!

Then back down for good and right on time the drop-off parents came to retrieve their precious little ones. Everyone got a "goody bucket" with their glow sticks, gloves, mask, stickers, little superhero blank book, and their notecards. They also got to take a balloon-- one or our birthday traditions. And don't forget the capes!

*
Superhero images for notebooks and notecards
Goody bag idea
Capes, Hats and Arm Warmers
Invitation idea
Homemade notebooks
Paper bunting
Superhero Training Academy, including spray the villain

Right Now

2011-03-26T21:25:00.000-05:00

:: celebrating Silas' last day as a 3-year old
:: anticipating his 4th journey around the sun tomorrow
:: planning a whole day in pajamas with nothing on the docket but playing with new toys, friends, and eating the birthday boys' favorite meal, pesto!

Right Now

2011-03-18T23:04:00.000-05:00

Inspired by Soule Mama as a way to come back to this space---

Right now, I am...

:: loving JT being here in the evenings. Managed to go upstairs and to the basement without feet pounding on hard wood and shouts of "Mom where ARE you?"

:: checking the seeds we planted last weekend for spouts, as well as the bulbs just starting to peak out of the ground in the front.

:: making lists to stay on top of my FOGS volunteer efforts and my project plans that multiply by the day

:: inspired by the butterfly breaths and quiet breathing Silas' preschool class demonstrated Thursday

:: preparing to celebrate the return of spring

:: reining-in the long posts i compose in my head each night so that i might sleep

Wishing all of you wonderful "right nows" for the weekend.

Deep Winter

2011-02-15T22:11:00.002-06:00

Think i had to wait for this post until there was evidence that winter would one-day end. We've had a few amazing days of warmer temps, melting snow, and a hint of warm days to come (not for awhile after this blip, but still).

Now that i've been out of the tropics for 20 years and in Chicago for 10 i've finally found some rthythm with the four seasons. Having a parka has definitely helped. So has looking for food, and projects, and outings that are special to the season. There has been indoor stuff-- lots of painting, pajamas and having friends over.

There have also been outings to the aquarium (and another one with Silas' class tomorrow) and lots of time spent playing in the snow. Because there was snow, and some more snow, and finally some weather that wasn't too freezing so we got to get outside, build a snowman, a snow cave and do lots of climbing on the snow mountain that was in our front yard.

Planet Explorers

2011-01-04T21:47:00.000-06:00

As i was writing my recap of the late months of 2010 i realized there were quite a few detailed posts i missed in all the hubub of November and December. Back in November the boys and i went with our friends and their three kids to the planetarium. We had never been before and it was a huge hit with all the kids, ranging from 2 to 7! Henry and the girls went to a star show with Cullen and Henry while Silas and Walker explored, made a kite, and put together a craft that explored how the earth rotates and is alternately in day and night. The latter was extremely useful to me-- a very visual person that just never "got" the why of night and day.

Short digression. One thing i looked forward to when dreaming about the babies in my belly was learning afresh along with them. My goal was around ditching all my hang-ups and failings that i experienced with math the first time around and learning with a fresh clean slate. Of course the learning hasn't stopped with math and definitely not with formal things like math or science. But as the boys progress in their schooling, it is pretty amazing to learn things with an open mind. I'm working on encouraging all of us to seek answers together, and follow the boys lead, rather than jumping to answer the things i know (or think i know.) Not that all answers are bad but i've been trying to work in a lot more "i wonder..." responses when i'm asked "why....?"

The boys enjoyed the more staid aspects of the museum plenty, but they went nuts over the "Planet Explorers" part of the museum. They got to put on space gear including flight jackets, backpacks, and hats, launch and dock a space shuttle, drive a moon buggy around the moon and scoop-up space rocks, and drive rovers around the space of planet X. I think another visit will be in order, and i also think i'm going to work on sewing a space suit for Silas, who sure was loathe to return that flight jacket...

Welcoming Winter 2010

2011-01-03T22:09:00.000-06:00

We've welcomed winter with festivities and family and lots of fun. Now we're settling in to the season-- but i'm not ready to see all the christmas lights come down just yet. This was the first year we formally celebrated the winter calendar by observing the "advent spiral" that many waldorf families use to count-down to the solstice. Each night we lit a candle (one the first week, two the second, and on), and said a verse focused on which part of the earth we were celebrating-- rocks, plants, animals and humans. The boys loved the candles and Silas in particular thrived on the ritual. Although there were nights sibling bickering continued throughout.

We enjoyed an awesome thanksgiving week which included 3 days of solo crafting and elving time for me, and then a 4-day weekend with the entire family. We loved spending thanksgiving itself with our good friends-- friends we've celebrated almost every thanksgiving for the 9+ years we've lived in Chicago. Pretty amazing to gather together now that there are 5 children where there were none. It doesn't hurt that they can all play together in the basement for a good 20+ minutes without intervention.

I spent the month of December working through all the gifts i decided to make this year. I have to say that it was tons of fun, even though i've discovered that zippers are not my forte. I'll try to share some of the projects i tackled in a future post.

We celebrated the week of Christmas with both JT and i's family and enjoyed our first christmas with JT as an official cook. Someone asked me if JT's cooking has improved since cooking school and while i would say that technically he's definitely better, he has always cooked delicious food. What has changed is his ability to manage a kitchen, a meal, and kitchen clean-up. What used to turn into a harried "all hands-on deck" for the big meals has become a pretty orderly day of cooking. I think JT even took a nap this year before the big meal.

As we celebrated New Years with friends in Michigan, we had a super fun time to toast the year and even some quiet time for me to reflect on how it was not easy but we did make the transition to a family consuming less, producing more, and not all operating on a 9-5 schedule. Plus there was tons of sledding (the first day at least) and a huge kids room for all the big uns to have a sleep-over in!

Swimming!

2010-11-18T20:34:00.000-06:00

I have a budding swimmer on my hands! Henry has been taking swim lessons since early Fall and he immediately took to them like, well a fish to water. Something just clicked this time.

Today he swam about 1/4 of the way across the pool and back without his flotation belt on. No doggy paddling, face in the water, holding his breath the whole way, kicking his legs (relatively straight) and doing straight arm circles. I looked up from coloring with Silas and almost couldn't believe what i was seeing.

He has so much fun that when he's not doing something one-on-one with the teacher he's jumping up and down, doing happy faces, blowing bubbles and generally giddy. Contrast this with two years ago when admittedly his lips were blue, but the lessons actually turned him off the water for awhile. We cut that class short and just enjoyed splashing in the baby pool and spending time at Gran and Nonna's beach. Last fall he took lessons at a highly recommended place. Henry enjoyed them and they did great at getting him happy about swimming again. But the teacher was so gentle that the kid was going to be 30 before he learned that real swimming happens (eventually) without a floatie.

Enter the Chicago Park District. Cheap, no frills, but Koz Park was recommended by another parent friend. The pool and facilities are clean and well-kept and the teachers are really, really good. Fun and good with the kids but also really working on the fundamentals with the kids-- and each at their own level. Swim team is right before his lessons and i asked at the end of class what the requirements for swim team are. The teacher told me they have to be 5 and able to swim the length of the pool on their own. Henry is focused on meeting that goal (before he's 6!) I think i can get away with taking some pictures there (it's a little more relaxed than the uber-strict pool we go to in the summer) so i'll try to capture his little swimming self as soon as possible. But i'm one proud mama (and papa will be as well as soon as he gets home to hear the story!)

Halloween

2010-11-13T14:28:00.001-06:00

Took a little while since i forgot my camera after Halloween, but here is our holiday recap! This was the best Halloween yet. Both boys were old enough to manage the steps on their own, be excited about trick-or-treating, and choose their own costumes. The both have little panda stuffed animals so some where along the way they came up with both of them being pandas. The more they talked about their costumes they created the plan that i was to be the Mama panda and JT was the "Grandpa Panda." Why not the Dad you might ask-- well naturally because that's Silas' role! We made simple costumes out of old black and white tshirts and the boys helped me sew them.

With Halloween on Sunday they got to wear their costumes three days in a row for their school assemblies and parties, a party at the Smerrys and then Halloween. We enjoyed a rain-free and relatively warm night for trick-or-treating. The kids were almost as excited to hand out candy as they were to get their own. We didn't stay out very long but between the parties and trick-or-treating they have quite the candy haul.

Now, a few more things appropos of nothing but needing to be chronicled. Henry has learned to whistle-- quite well in fact. He claims he can even whistle underwater you just can't hear it that well because of the bubbles. He told me he practices whistling underwater during swim practice-- something he's enjoying immensely. He has really great teachers and is so happy for the entire hour he can barely contain his excitement and regularly jumps up and down with glee. He's made huge strides since last year-- completely submerging his head, kicking his legs, working on doing strokes with straight arms, and generally coming right along. He's still the only one that he won't just jump in but all in good time.

Henry is also doing super-well at school. Constantly working on writing letters and reading words off of his "word wall." He continues to enjoy art and made his first purchase with his new allowance-- blue painters tape!

Silas is loving preschool and in general seems like he's settling in to life a little more. He still throws tantrums but they are considerably fewer and more far between. He still knee-jerk rejects anything new out of hand, but more often comes around quickly and says "i'm just joking i do want to...." He tells us just a little bit more about school than Henry does-- but we still don't get too many details. He continues to love music and enjoys all the songs that he's been learning-- "i'm a little teapot" and "here is thumpkin" are two new favorites.

Fall Gatherings

2010-10-28T13:52:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite things about Fall is gathering with friends on the weekends. Over the summer, when the weather is warm, we're all scattered to the winds, on trips, outdoor adventures, and generally busy. With Fall, the options are limited a bit by the cooler weather, and we find gathering at someone's house for a meal, a sleepover for the kids, and wine for the adults is an attractive, and more frequent option.

The other thing we've been taking advantage of in particular this year, are all the free natural art materials to be gathered. Leaves, acorns, and grasses have all been collected, dried, and used in tons of art projects. I love that the boys now see "materials" all around them and brainstorm their own projects even without my input. Silas picked up a nut shell the other day and said --"let's bring this home for a nature collage." Made my heart sing.

We've been talking a lot about the days growing shorter and one way we've been adjusting to the darkness is by lighting our candles at dinner. We haven't done it every single night, because the boys like to insist that all the lights be off, and sometimes i don't feel like arguing. But when we all get on the same page and enjoy our meal with a little candle glow, it almost makes it feel peaceful-- at least until i have to tell Silas to sit down for the 10th time or his plate is going to be taken away.

We're readying for Halloween, putting the final touches on costumes, and preparing to attend Henry's Halloween Assembly and costume parade and Silas' preschool party. We've also got a weekend party and the actual trick-or-treating with friends to look forward to!

The Circus

2010-10-14T20:42:00.000-05:00

When i picked the boys up from Brenda's this afternoon, Henry excitedly waved a flyer for Barnum and Bailey's Circus which is coming to some huge coliseum outside of Chicago in November. It made me so glad that we had already "done" the circus in a way that fits just a bit more with our preferences.

The Midnight Circus performed in five Chicago City Parks the past few weekends. The shows were fundraisers for the parks that participated and we had the pleasure of going with the Smerry's a few weekends ago. It was everything i like about the circus without any of the stuff that i'm a little creeped out by. First of all it was intimate. We were in the first row, but there were only two rows to choose from. There were no elephants or vendors, just acrobats, juggling, clowns, magic and other circus fun. There were snacks but no $10 cotton candy of $25 flashlights. And did i mention we walked to it? All the things i love about the city and our neighborhood-- positive, creative, local and affordable.

Oh yeah, even on the "normal" size and quality setting i had to delete a boat-load of pictures twice, because Henry and Silas filled the camera up with a frame-by-frame account. Who needs a video camera!

Transition to Fall

2010-09-24T22:39:00.000-05:00

We enjoyed the formal transition to fall this week. We had a heat wave yesterday, but many of the other days it's been cool and a little overcast. The most marked change is how much earlier it's getting dark. Which is too bad because the kids on our block have gotten into a rhythm of hanging out after school. They play spy and then spend big chunks of time doing elaborate art projects that involve lots of pipe cleaners and all manner of things made into "police cameras."

Last weekend we headed out of town to a really lovely family-run orchard to pick apples with friends. It was really perfect, just apples, no parking or admission price, just simple apples. We made the filling for apple pie today with H and V and Henry made up his own concoction that baked-up right into a lovely lemon cake. As he told me-- next time we need to write down the recipe so he can make it again.

This Fall also brought Silas' long sought-after soccer class. Unfortunately by the time reality hit it was a little too much change for him to deal with. He's done pretty well transitioning to preschool but you can tell it's still a lot for him. And adding soccer on top of that was just too much. He managed to participate and have fun by the end of class but by the time the next week rolled around he was resolute. We tried a lot of different angles but ultimately i decided it wasn't worth pushing. He's 3, we'll have time to try again later.

Intentional Community

2010-09-17T22:26:00.001-05:00

Henry and Silas' transition to school has settled down a bit. We had a difficult episode with Henry over some homework that led to a meltdown. But other than that Silas has found his groove and is loving preschool and Henry seems to be doing well in Kindergarten as well. He was the first person in his class to get into the "100 club," being able to count to 100. Then at back to school night he and i estimated the number of Hershey's kisses in a jar, were closest, and won!

We've been learning more about the boys' school now that Henry is in Kindergarten. At Goethe, Kindergarten has a more similar program to the lower elementary grades than preschool-- which operates semi-autonomously. Henry has library twice a week with a newly hired library teacher (a huge coup for the school), music twice a week and gym once a week. They go outside for recess every day and Henry has a teacher that is clearly dedicated to her kids. I'm starting to learn about the curriculum more, because parts of it feel a little "rote" to me. But i've seen instances of positive things as well--
-at back to school night Mrs. R talked about how studies had shown the positive effects of reading poetry with children and that poetry would be a big focus of the year (each week a poem comes home that we read out loud.)
- after the homework meltdown that involved writing "S" on a worksheet (yuck!) the next night Henry was supposed to count all the spoons in our flatware drawer, homework that feels "right" instead of "rote" to me.
-they use Fountas and Pinnell leveled readers (which i've heard of only because my mother is an educator parexellence; and even then i always thought she was saying Fountain and Spinell.)
-they have time to "read" independently every day and do Writer's workshop daily as well-- a school-wide initiative.

Silas' favorite food: note how all the others have pizza (which was modeled by their teacher). Silas-- not afraid to strike out on his own!

Beyond learning about the curriculum i've found our family life centering much more around our neighborhood and the school. We're meeting lots of new families that have enrolled their kids in Goethe's preschool program. The vast majority of them live nearby so we see new friends at the parks, at the farmers market, even while buying school supplies. Not to mention our block is the most kid-friendly urban block i think i could ask for. The boys now regularly and organically arrange their own after-school play and just this evening spent a blissfull 1.5 hours on our porch with friends from down the street eating popcorn and pressing the 11 year-old to read more stories to them.

Back to School 2010

2010-09-10T09:26:00.000-05:00

The boys headed off to school starting this Tuesday the 7th. I've blogged before about how lucky we are to have a wonderful neighborhood school-- but boy do i count my lucky stars everyday we only have to traipse one-block to school. Henry began full-day kindergarten with Mrs. R and Silas started his first year of preschool with the wonderful Ms. Laura, Henry's teacher last year.

The first day of school went pretty well. Both preschool and kindergarten had a shortened schedule so the kids could ease-in and parents stayed in the classroom withe the preschoolers. Henry did amazing and is super excited about his classroom, teacher and everything else. He has a few friends from last year in his class which is nice and i know a few of the other teachers. They have a frog in the classroom which i think Henry is most excited about! After school we played in the playground and the boys were having a grand time filling Henry's backpack with all the acorns starting to drop.

Silas had a very hard time getting up and getting dressed and leaving the house-- difficult transitions for him to be sure. Thankfully his first day started a little later than Henry's so Silas and i had some extra time to cuddle, take it slow, and talk about his feelings. The poor thing had a pretty bad cold and wasn't feeling too well overall. Once we got to school he did really well. It was awesome to watch him take the other kids hands, make a circle, try out the new songs they sing every morning, listen to the story, and have a blast exploring the classroom. He checked in with me often and about 20 minutes before the end of the day he told me he thought "we should go home," but really all in all he was great.

Then the second day came. I could tell he was apprehensive from the minute he got up-- he kept talking about me coming to school and staying with him. I kept telling him that JT and I would both walk him to school but that today he got to play with his teachers and friends and i'd get to hear all about his adventures after i picked him up. He wasn't buying it. Then just as Ms. Laura appeared at the door to welcome the kiddos into the school building Silas' nose started gushing blood. One thing i'm not-- a prepared mama. I frantically started yelling for a tissue from someone just as everyone else is focused on ushering their precious cargo off to their first solo school day. I got a few napkins and escorted Silas into the preschool bathroom. When we emerged all the kids were in the classroom putting their jackets away. Silas immediately started crying and grabbing me and Ms. Laura had to pry him off me. I ducked out quickly and Ms. Laura swore she just held him for a few minutes and he calmed down.

The third day he went in with just a quick kiss and a view of the back of his head. But this morning he was in tears again. Hopefully he calmed down just as quickly this time. Even though Brenda is picking him up from school i think i'll go over and meet him, bring him his bunny and hear how things went. Poor little guy-- hope this transition doesn't take too long to work the kinks out.

Back to School

2010-09-05T22:17:00.000-05:00

The school supplies are all loaded which includes a wheelbarrow worth of copy paper and paper towels! And the backpacks are made. Henry starts Kindergarten and Silas preschool on Tuesday. They were so happy to pick out their own fabrics and even helped me sew them together (a little bit of help, a lot of sewing after they went to bed.)

Of course Silas wouldn't model his but he's worn it quite a bit already. Hopefully we'll get some real pictures of both of them on Tuesday. Henry's is the orange polka dots and Silas' is the green swirly one.

The Best Block Ever

2010-08-27T23:39:00.000-05:00

Two kids, in school. Somewhat hard to imagine. Silas starts preschool and Henry will be in Kindergarten in the fall. I still thank the gods that we bought this house. Despite the fact that there are no right angles in the entire house, we lucked into an amazing block and neighborhood.

From July-Aug 2010

We had our block party last weekend and what a treat it was. Each year it's an awesome time to connect with our neighbors-- many who are really active in our community and are fun cool people to boot. This year Ms. Peggy planned a whole block worth of amazing activities for the kids. The "stand-bys)are two jumping houses and usually the fire truck comes (this year they couldn't make it due to a real emergency). But this year Ms. Peggy went all out and made a pinata with the kids (in advance), and had "stations" set-up on both sides of the street including: bubble blowing, hula hoops, hopscotch, an art table complete with nature rubbings, face painting, an amazing balloon guy, chalk art, dominoes, checkers and a few stations i never even made it to. One of the best parts for the kids was that she made them all "games official" badges and posted each one of them to a station. They had a blast being in charge of the stations and enjoyed their official role.

The party had a fabulous pace to it, really relaxed which isn't the first thing that jumps to mind when you have an entire street full of small children. But it just worked.

So between our block party and getting ready to send both boys to our neighborhood school (it's a block away, how much better can it get!) we're just so content in our urban neighborhood that is really a neighborhood at its best.

Backyard Magic

2010-08-07T14:37:00.000-05:00

Having these new little toad friends (more pictures added to toad post) in our backyard doesn't hurt, but i've found our little backyard (big by city standards) to be quite a haven this summer. With JT gone weekend afternoons, the boys and i have been doing all kinds of projects out of doors. We painted and hung small birdfeeders, we made little boats out of twigs, we expanded the toads' habitat and this weekend we're working on making felted rocks. I can't find a link to the rocks and i know it sounds strange, but they're very pretty and i think will be a lot of fun to do with the kids. It involves raw wool and wet soapy water.

Next weekend we're going to make birdseed cakes and maybe do some glue batik painting to some old white shirts. I can really tell that the boys are getting older because while Silas' attention span is still shorter than Henry's when it comes to crafts, he finds other ways to keep himself amused-- usually involving water and, well, water.

The only problem is the mosquitoes. Since we've had such a wet summer they are out in force in our backyard. Silas in particular is loved by the mosquitoes (pequitos as he calls them) and yet his skin really hates the bites. He's covered in red welts right now. Even though we cover liberally with bug spray. So if anyone has any other remedies they can suggest please feel free to let me know.

I think next year we're going to make one of these fairy gardens. I didn't see the idea until just recently and i don't think we'd have time for them to get established now, but what fun designing and creating this will be next year. Even more magic for the garden!

Toads!

2010-08-05T19:15:00.001-05:00

We have slugs, a lot of slugs. I've tried drowning them in buried cups of beer (very effective but the carnage is more than i can bear), picking them up with chopsticks and transplanting them to the trash (time consuming) and just hoping they'd go away. But those tell-tale mucousy trails made it clear they weren't just going away.

For two summers we tried to "entice" some toads into our yard. We put some clay pots on their sides and fluffed decomposing leaves into the bottoms. We arranged them in a shady spot by a large tree and made a rock "garden" of sorts. We left out saucers of water. Nothing. I decided there may be toads in Chicago, but not in at least a 10-block radius. If we were going to get toads in there, we were going to have to import them rather than have it happen organically.

That's where things stalled for another year. You can't just buy any old toad and plop it into your backyard. That's why cane toads and bullfrogs have become nuisances or worse in a lot of areas. So i researched and found out that an indigenous toad for this area is the common American Toad. We started at Petco once i established that they do carry frogs and toads-- but as it turns out only the more exotic species (like tree frogs and such) that people keep indoors as pets.

So i searched the web and found Reptile City. The toads were quite affordable ($6 each) although the shipping was $20. In hindsight this makes sense because how else would you get live toads to you intact if not overnight? We set-up a little enclosure made of sticks and waist-high chicken wire in the afore-mentioned toad spot. We put saucers of water dug into the soil so they are flush with the ground. I got a notice that the package was due to be delivered by 3 pm.

I put a note on the door to make sure the postman rang the doorbell and left my phone number. I stayed close to home but with the ac blowing i missed his steps on the porch. The next time i checked i had a package slip to retrieve the package the next morning! I headed out to the post office and they searched for the package only to come back and tell me it was still on the truck with the driver. I explained the situation and as soon as i mentioned "live toads" that woman leapt into action. She called the driver, found the location of the truck and in 15 minutes the package was in my hand. In the meantime i had gotten a few frantic calls from Reptile City who had been notified about the package not being delivered.

After retrieving the boys we headed home to open the box inside their "habitat." I was very worried because i expected the box to be jumping or something and it was completely still. I opened both layers of packaging and found a cotton drawstring bag which immediately started moving and jumping and generally coming alive. I put that down on the ground inside the chicken wire and gently shook the toads out. Hot dog! 4 toads including a little baby one.

But damn if they weren't much smaller than i had anticipated. Even the biggest one took one look at that chicken wire and hopped right out. Madness ensued. I was running around getting old sheets that i draped around the chicken wire and secured on the bottom with rocks. Once that was more or less done we tackled trying to catch the 3 that had escaped. 2 had already hopped under the fence into our neighbors' yard. And so while holding a toad was not really on my list of to-dos ,i successfully caught and transported those toads back to their enclosure.

Ultimately i'd like them to be "free-range" toads. But for now i'm trying to keep them enclosed so that they adjust and make our yard their home. Tonight i'm going to get metal stakes and make a bigger enclosure out of landscaping fabric. I'm envisioning a toad "run" of sorts. This way the toads have more room and Henry can get in there with them and move around. He spent about 30 minutes in the current enclosure which is only slightly wider around than he is. I'll update with pictures as soon as possible.

Waldorf Summer Camp

2010-07-31T09:26:00.000-05:00

Henry came home from his last day of camp on Friday and brought home the most beautiful watercolor paintings. This was Henry's first year of summer camp and he had a wonderful experience. He went to the Chicago Waldorf School which is a very established Waldorf school. Waldorf schools are very big on child-centered learning, having a clear rhythm to the day, and lots of time for art, music, sports, being outside and unstructured play. The school is up North and close to the Lake so every afternoon they spent a few hours at the beach.

The environment was extremely warm and nurturing and Henry just soaked it up. Always one with a big heart, his compliments and hugs were infectious and he really bonded with his teachers in just the two weeks. He also made several best friends and developed a real affinity for building sand castles, tunnels and collecting treasures.

Although the experience for Henry was wonderful we most likely won't be headed back there next summer. I knew that the 30 minute one-way commute was going to be difficult to mesh into our schedule (especially since Ms. Brenda is 15 minutes in the opposite direction). But it became patently obvious that 1.5 hours in the car each morning just doesn't fit our family. Besides not relishing the idea of expanding our carbon footprint by that much each morning, the experience confirmed my notion that time together is one of our key family values. It doesn't hurt of course that we live in a city bustling with summer camps-- so i've already bookmarked a few to explore for next summer-- both around the corner from Ms. Brenda.

5 Years in Pictures at the Beach

2010-07-14T22:50:00.000-05:00

You know how lots of people take pictures of their babies in front of the same stuffed animal to visually mark how they grow? Heading to the beach each summer offers visual reminders of the boys' growth and development, along with all the memories looking back at these pictures evoke. But for now i'm leading with the pictures...

Henry 3 Mos and Nonna:

Henry 14 months:

Henry 14 months:

Henry 2 Years:

Henry Beach 4 Years:

Henry Beach 5 Years:

Silas 4 Months:

Silas 15 Months:

Silas Beach 2 Years:

Silas Beach 2 Years:

Silas Beach 3 Years:

Boys Beach 2010:

Family Picture 2008:

Family Picture 2010:

Parade 2008:

Parade 2009:

Parade 2010:

Baseball Game 2009:

Baseball Game 2010:

Sherman 2008:

Sherman 2009:

Sherman 2010:

Carousel 2008:

Carousel 2010:

When your child needs a drill sargent and you're more the empathetic type

2010-06-19T10:55:00.000-05:00

If you're friends with me on Facebook you probably noticed that something seemed to be up with Silas by the 500+ posts about tantrums, behavior struggles, and all around difficult times this winter.

We started having difficulties in the fall with getting Silas dressed. He didn't want to put clothes on and would be completely overwhelmed and emotional. The episodes were so difficult but thankfully somewhat infrequent and we just powered through them. But then after Christmas Silas seemed to become obsessed with his pajamas and staying home. Most mornings we spent the entire 1.5 hours we have to eat breakfast, play and get ready for school spent in terrible, tantrums with Silas.

On the few occasions that Silas had a tantrum about something clear-cut (i want to watch another Little Bear- waaaah!) it was very easy to shut it down clearly and forcefully with no misgivings on my part.

But when Silas was sobbing and screaming that he just wanted to "put his pjs on and stay hooome!" it had me thinking he was having security or emotional issues and that empathy was the way to go. So eventually i let him wear his pajamas to school. And maybe things improved for a little bit-- it at least gave us some space to stop having an emotional power struggle every single morning.

But, then things got even worse. What i finally came to realize that while i was worried about hurting him by forcing him to wear clothes when he was looking for comfort in his pajamas, it was actually "hurting" him more by letting him run the show. He doesn't really want to run the show-- but he is hardwired to test the boundaries every second he can.

Once i accepted that my job really was to run his life, to only give him the choices that i decided, and to know that it might take physically forcing him into clothes for a little while-- we had "behavior bootcamp" as i termed it.

I told him that things were going to change-- and we talked about what mommy decides and what Silas decides. Mommy decides that he has to wear clothes to school, that he has to wear a coat in the winter, must wear shoes to leave the house-- but socks, socks were completely Silas' purview. Then when he wouldn't do something that i told him we must do (get dressed, take a bath, etc.) i would tell him i was going to count to three and if he didn't do what i had asked, i would do it for him which he hated. For the first day we basically did this for every step of our day-- getting dressed, brushing our teeth, taking a bath, etc.

Remarkably by the second day most times i just had to say "Silas, are we going to argue?" And by the count of three he would hop into the bath on his own or pick his clothes, etc.

We've had a few relapses that we've had to have mini "bootcamps" again, but they have been short-lived and less intense.

Now Silas is Silas. Which means he still does push every boundary he can. He also still throws tantrums. But in general they are less intense, don't last as long, and we always end them the same way. He has to calm himself down, give me a hug, and say he's sorry.

It was a really difficult learning process with Silas, and i had to go against my nature and the type of parenting that comes naturally (and worked just fine with Henry), but our whole family benefits now that i've embraced my inner drill sargent.

Online Art Auction

2010-06-15T16:07:00.004-05:00

Like many cities and states across the country, the Chicago public school district is facing a pretty whopping budget shortfall for the 2010-2011 school year. We're grateful that at this point cutting pre-k is off the table in the state legislature, but unless a minor miracle occurs, our school and others across the city will be forced to move from full-day to half-day kindergarten next year. Although other schools are "strongly encouraging" parents to pay $2000 per pupil to maintain all-day kindergarten, at Goethe we are focused on raising $21K over the course of the summer through our "save-a-teacher fund" in order to maintain small class size by holding on to three teacher positions that would otherwise be cut.

To help do our part we're launching an online silent art auction. Check it out here (click on the slideshow to go to the picasa site):

The boys selected their best artwork from the year and helped me set opening bids for their work. Check out their gallery of work, and if you're compelled enter a bid in the comments box. The auction will close at 5 pm Thursday June 24th. Pieces will be hand-delivered to family we'll be seeing in person this summer, or mailed to the rest of you in July!

UPDATE: I found out that you essentially need a picasa account to leave a comment (i.e. enter a bid for the artwork). If you have a picasa account feel free to login and proceed as normal. If you don't, you should still be able to browse the individual pieces and see the bids that have already been entered. I've numbered all the artwork now, so just email me with the piece you are interested in and your bid and i'll enter it manually.

If i don't have your contact information make sure to email me at ford dot people at gmail dot com (convert "dots" and "at" to . and @) so i can notify you if you have the winning bid.

10 week challenge

2010-06-05T23:34:00.000-05:00

No, it's not a new diet, or a pledge to read a book a week or anything like that. The title refers to JT's current quarter at cooking school which (praise be!) is over in 2 more weeks. In addition to the 6 days of classes that have JT leaving the house by 5 am, he's working at a restaurant Friday, Saturday and Sunday from noon until late. Oy. It's been challenging on many fronts that i won't go into here, but it has coincided lately with a) a realization that we MUST get out of the house on the weekends and b) warm weather and the opening of the Chicago beaches.

From June 2010

So this week we "discovered" Humboldt park. We've driven right by it for years, and we went sledding there this winter but what an even more magical place the park is in this warm season. Thursday we went to the side of the park where there is a large pond (that had just been stocked with catfish). Lots of people were out fishing in little nooks that have been created by rock steps down to the waters' edge. There are bird and butterfly sanctuarys all around the exterior of the pond and meandering nature paths to saunter down. The boys LOVED watching the old guys fish and Henry has been talking a lot about a fishing poll. Silas kept asking when he'd get to "tow" the fish. But personally i don't think i'm up for actually hooking a fish, so we just might need to get out to my grandparents farm again soon so the boys can learn!

On Friday we went over to the other side of Humboldt park where the beautiful field house looks out on the pond that they have dredged, and created a small guarded swimming beach. We had to find a spot away from the teenagers using less than choice language (so glad it doesn't even register on their ears yet) and then had a blast. It's a beach, without waves, so it was perfect for the boys to play in at their own pace. After swimming and building sand castles, we had a picnic right next to the beach on the grass. In the early evening sun, there was magic to the evening.

Plus, when we got home the boys both went to bed without one little peep. We'll be going to that beach as much as possible this summer-- and hope to explore the park more and more as the season unfolds.

Today, we went on a epic journey down to the Crown fountain at millenium park. The forecast was rain all day but i figured the boys had planned to play in the fountain and be wet anyway-- so why not just go anyway. After we got off the train and walked the 4 blocks or so to the fountain, it was absolutely pouring. And when we got there the fountain was working and indeed we were the only nutters out there in the pouring rain at the fountain. We played for awhile and made the first of our 7 trips to the bathroom, and at some point the rain tapered off. After hitting the cultural center to have sandwiches out of the sog, we went back to the fountain and enjoyed mostly clear skies and lots of fun (and several trips to the bathroom).

After all that, tomorrow we'll be hanging out at home, catching up with the neighbor kids, putting laundry on the line, and generally slowing down before we begin another week. Night.

Catch Up

2010-05-23T21:06:00.001-05:00

Suddenly it's 80 degrees and it feels like summer is upon us. It makes me feel very negligent in posting. So here's an attempt at a catch-up.

About a month ago i got to accompany Henry's class on their first field trip to the fire-station. It was a rousing success and turned out to be beautiful weather. The kids even got to see the firefighters come down the poll-- even though they explained it doesn't get much use anymore.

There were new gardening tools and the early planting to do, and then a big trip to Virginia.

I had to go for a conference so the boys came along and got to spend the weekends with me and my parents and the week while i was away with JT's folks. They had a blast and Silas did so much better than last year about traveling. I'm hoping it's a good omen for a more settled beach trip this year.

Henry took the reins on the camera and ta-da, i'm finally in some photos. Really cool to see his point of view as well i might add:

Unfortunately as we were waiting to be picked up at the airport in Chicago Silas fell off a bench on his forehead. He immediately had an enormous goose egg. I was apoplectic and not sure whether i should abandon our luggage and go careening into the airport to look for the Doctor's station, wait for our ride and go straight to the ER, or just calmly call the Pediatrician. Troy suggested that i call the Dr. and if need-be head to the ER based on the Doctor's advice. So i did just that and she told me the signs to watch for in terms of a concussion, but said that he sounded like he was going to be okay. And thankfully he was. It was a scare for sure and his forehead is still looking pretty bruised and nasty. Silas is in a phase where he doesn't like his picture being taken though-- so no photographic evidence.

The week we returned i got to go with Henry and his class to the zoo for a field trip outing. There were so many adult chaperons that we were assigned a few kids and then able to go off on our own rather than try to maneuver 20 kids around the zoo. I had a great time with Henry and his two friends and I'd say we pretty much covered the zoo.

This weekend we got together with our good friends Corey and Troy and had the last supper in their condo. They have lived several blocks from us for the 4 years since we've been in our house and we've loved being so close and able to spontaneously get together. They're moving temporarily to the south side and then out to the (near) suburbs. So it's not like we won't see them again, but impromptu meetings at the park will certainly be harder. On the other hand they have a beautiful big house and the boys are already planning on sleeping out in their back yard in the summer.

Frog and Toad Outtakes

2010-04-29T14:12:00.000-05:00

Maybe the title is misleading, but i thought i'd do another post more targeted at family and friends to relate how the party actually went. If you've stumbled onto this post looking for frog and toad party ideas click here.

When the boys first guest, arrived i told Henry he needed to greet his guest and welcome her to the party. These formal social interactions often leave him him hiding his head but he jumped up, put his arm around her and asked if she wanted to play his new game (Kids On Stage). After a few more kids arrived i asked if they were interested in decorating some frog and toad houses. They were very enthusiastic and jumped into the decorating process with Nonna.

Nothing lasts for long of course and they were off to play in the playroom with everyone else that had arrived at that point. I moved a few of them outside for games and had a blast watching the kids play and make up their own bean bag toss games. Silas headed out with us but didn't want to participate. He seemed like he was freezing, but he refused to put on a coat and pretty contentedly sat with Nonna.

The kids seemed like they were getting too cold so we moved folks back inside for hot dogs which were ready. All the parents were helping the kids get settled with their plates and i assisted one of Henry's friends. She asked for just a plain bun. I assumed she meant no ketchup or mustard, but no, actually she just wanted the bun no hot dog. Okey dokey!

While all the kids were eating Silas grabbed his guitar and decided to do two complete songs for everyone. Usually he'll sing a few bars or strum a few "notes" and then get shy. This time there was so much hubub and no one drew attention to him and he performed two complete numbers. He had the time to do this because he declared that he didn't want a hot dog at his party, he wanted to eat peanut butter and jelly after the party was over. Okey dokey!

Then we herded the cats... i mean guests outside where they got to listen to a frog and toad story called the "corner" about searching for spring around every corner. While Nonna was reading the story there is a part where frog (or is it toad) looks for spring but just finds pebbles instead. Someone said something about pebbles could hurt us. And someone else chimed in with an awesome non-sequitor about how cacti can hurt us also. Then another little girl said, "actually i have a cactus!" Somehow Nonna got them back to listen to the rest of the story and when they finished it was time for their own search for spring.

Silas helped me put out the clues which had the kids running from the front of the house to the very back and then back again. We almost weren't quick enough and as usual i think i could have done double the clues and the kids would have liked to keep on hunting. After it was over they continued to hide the flowers for each other.

I finally ripped them away with the promise of cupcakes and we went in to sing happy birthday and blow out candles. Both boys seemed to love this part even though Silas looked a little freaked out about all the singing directed at him/them.

After cupcakes were done it was about 5:30-- two hours after the party start i was starting to relax and was handing out in the kitchen with lots of other guests. Silas was there too and loudly said... "when is everyone going to go home?" If that didn't give folks a hint i don't know what would and after a bit guests trickled out.

Frog and Toad Birthday Party

2010-04-18T22:45:00.000-05:00

Just wrapped up our frog and toad birthday party for Henry's 5th and Silas' 3rd birthday. I wanted to try to get an overview of the party and the stuff i made-- then i'll give friends and family the rundown of highlights and the funny bits.

We decided back in January to do a frog and toad party and i started to work doing web research to see what kind of ideas i could unearth. The only hit i got that was exactly what i was looking for was this one. This got me brainstorming and much searching and scheming later we came up with the following plan for the party.

For decorations i bought blue sheets to cover the tables, cut out lily pads from green card stock, and made little origami frogs to decorate. I made cattails for the vase i put on our front step. No matter how much searching i did i couldn't find any ideas or other crafters that had tried to make cattails-- so i invented my own. I wrapped bamboo garden stakes with a 5" piece of batting several times, and then used knee-highs to cover the batting. I poked a small hole in the toe of the knee high-- put the stake through the hole, pulled it down over the batting, and then double the knee high back over to make it a little darker. I just tucked both ends into the top and bottom to make it look neat.

I also made a new birthday bunting that we hung up in our kitchen. I can't find where i read how to do this but i just cut fabric into triangles using pinking shears, then sandwiched them between a ribbon that i folded over on itself and stitched with a zig-zag stitch. This is one of the easiest hand-made decorations you could ever do and they look so festive! And next year they'll be ready to deploy again!

Guests arrived and were directed to our kitchen where i had pre-painted and assembled "frog and toad houses" for the kids to decorate. I saved cracker boxes, cereal boxes and the like, stuffed them with newspaper to make them stand up, used painters tape to "peak" the roofs, and then painted them with acrylics. When dry i cut out sticky-backed foam to cover the roofs. I had out some pre-cut pieces of the sticky-backed foam in various shapes- to make windows, doors, grass, etc. We also had some flowers and bees that were sticky-backed, as well as half-sheets of the foam and scissors for the bigger kids to decorate as they wished. This went over well and it occupied it the kids for a solid 15 minutes. I didn't get a great picture of the decorated ones yet, but will try to add that soon.

Then we headed outside to start games. The day was chilly but sunny so we could be out, but the kids wound up getting cold so a chunk were inside playing in the very tiny playroom and a few were outside with me. I used this post to come up with the idea for the bean-bag game, and this template to make the lilypads-- i made them bigger for the ones i made for the bean-bag toss and the same size as the template for decorations on the table. The kids played "team" bean-bag toss and tried to get all of their bean bags from one lilypad to the next. After they seemed to tire of that, i challenged them to balance the bean bags on their head, stand on one foot and so on until another 15 minutes had passed.

I had planned to read "the hat" next, but a lot of kids were inside, so we just launched into the next game-- a relay game with a hat. The kids had a blast doing this-- especially Henry but after a few rounds they were done and the girls were ready to head in. So we went in and had Chicago style hot dogs, potato salad and baked beans-- our traditional birthday fare.

After the kids refueled, i sheparded them outside to our front steps where my mom read "The Corner." Then it was time to begin the hunt for spring. I had written up 4 clues and had them basically running from the front of the house to the back several times-- at the end they found a "vase" of spring flowers.

Henry and i made these by water-coloring coffee filters, and after they had dried, using craft glue to attach them to disposable chopsticks (something i always find uses for!). We used a few of the coffee filters to glue to a juice can for the vase that could be "hidden" outside.

As in past years the treasure hunt was a big favorite and the kids spend a chunk of time hiding the flowers for each other over and over until i called them all in for cupcakes. The cupcakes were super easy-- Cooks Illustrated yellow cupcake recipe, my mom's icing handiwork-- and the idea for the frogs from this site.

We had thank-you bags for the kids which were a labor of love. Bean bags in the shape of frogs from this tutorial. A special shout-out goes to Oma for sewing all of them on their last visit. Henry and i stuffed them with lentils using a funnel and i sewed them up. I also included a frog and toad paratrooper. These looked really cute, but they took forever and they didn't work very well. I'm not sure if i did something wrong (i'm thinking the parachute wasn't big enough maybe), but they are cute and it was fun to try my hand at them. I used this tutorial to make them. Finally a packet of buttons and a little treat-- hopefully they were fun gift bags to get.

So, that was the party. Now to relax my aching legs and get some rest!

Celebrating Spring

2010-04-05T22:30:00.000-05:00

What a really wonderful weekend. The beautiful weather, abundant sunshine, and warm enough temps to be outside just lolling around in the grass (oh wait that was Mason), recharged my batteries. Sharing it with our family and friends made it that much more enjoyable.

Saturday JT worked at the restaurant of a private club downtown and the boys and i had a great time doing easter crafts, cleaning the house (no really) and in general just enjoying the day. I don't think i even remember any tantrums that morning. Which in itself is an Easter miracle.

After naps we headed out to our friends' house for some fellowship, a relaxed meal, and a really relaxing evening catching up. JT was able to meet us out there and although Silas fought a bit about going to sleep over there-- he ultimately did and this time we didn't expose anyone to contagious illnesses. Last time he had strep throat and we didn't realize it. Woops-- that's one of my "parenting get out of jail free" cards.

Sunday the boys enjoyed finding their easter baskets and then did an egg hunt in the backyard with Kerala. Kerala and Henry were very determined, but Henry is two years older, so he was a little quicker, and had slightly more strategy about where to look. So Henry could barely lift his Easter basket at the end of the hunt, Kerala's was quite full as well and Silas, well...

Here's how it went for Silas. He did agree to get dressed, so hey that was a great first step in my book. He found an egg or two and got really excited to open them and find candy and a little bunny. Then he decided that was good enough and he was ready to move on to the independent play section of the day.

We spent the next hour or so playing soccer, baseball and letting Silas and Kerala entertain us with their duos on the guitar. Then we had a wonderful meal and more fun outside after naps. Made for a truly wonderful celebration of spring and gave me a glimpse of some of the fun to come being outside this summer with the boys.

Silas Turns 3!

2010-03-28T10:17:00.000-05:00

Silas turned three yesterday and we enjoyed a nice day with a low-key celebration at home and fittingly, Silas stayed in his pjs all day. There were some tantrums just to remind us that we're not out of this difficult phase yet, and a lot of hoopla over going to bed, but he enjoyed his birthday and i do feel like this one was a good celebration that we all made it through this year!

We started with a special breakfast that Silas chose and JT cooked. Then lots of time playing and some Diego videos and after naps, time to open all the presents. When Silas woke up from his nap i went in to him and while i was snuggling for a minute Henry brought Silas a dora balloon and said "Happy Birthday Silas!" and gave him a big hug.

Henry's really helpful attitude continued while we opened gifts which was nice. Because when we opened an early gift a few days ago, Henry had a complete and utter meltdown that the gift was for Silas and there wasn't a gift for Henry-- and that Silas might want to play with "his" gift first. In a way it was nice that happened earlier because we had been prepping for Silas' actual birthday for a few days, talking with Henry about how it would go-- that the presents would be for Silas, etc.

When the time came Henry was great. He was excited and helpful to Silas opening gifts but he didn't take over or try to steal anything away. I feel like they've both been loving all their gifts and it was definitely fun to watch their excitement.

Preparations continue apace here for the Frog and Toad Birthday party. While Oma was here a few weeks ago she sewed the bean bag frogs that will be the main item in the kids goodie bags. I got them stuffed with lentils last night and all sewn up. Aren't they cute!? I used the tutorial here which worked great (or at least i think it did-- Sheree did the hard part!)

I also finished the birthday crowns for the boys. Here's a picture of Silas' which predictably he liked but wouldn't deign to put on his head. Henry's will make an appearance on his actual birthday.

I've also finished the pennant flags which i don't have a picture of yet and i'm close to finishing the frog and toad parachuters, which i will definitely post once i've got them ready.

Isn't that such a smart way to spend our money?

2010-03-22T21:48:00.000-05:00

So we hit costco for what seems like our weekly outing on Saturday and found that they had children's vitamins for Henry. It was a huge bottle with a dinosaur and Henry was quite happy. At home he honed in on the number on the outside "300." JT told him they would last almost a year. So then we talked for quite awhile about how many days in the year there were and how old he'd be in about a year.

Cue to this morning when the boys slept in and i had to wake them up. Henry sleepily woke, extracted himself from his blankets and then just let loose with a torrent about the vitamins. "Mom, aren't you so excited that we spent our money so smartly?! These vitamins will last us almost a year!"

Welcoming Spring

2010-03-19T21:42:00.000-05:00

This week we got a sneak peak at spring and it was lovely, really lovely. Warm temperatures and sunshine allowed me to pick up the boys and hit the park most days after school. Henry and Silas resurrected their bikes from the basement and Henry was getting quite comfortable on his by the end of his first session.

JT has been working on end of quarter projects and will be starting spring break next week which we're all looking forward to. We've got plans to get the yard prepped so that when it's really warm we'll be all ready to plant in another month or so.

Preparations for Henry and Silas' frog and toad party are continuing apace. I've got the birthday crowns about 75% done, the frog bean bags were helpfully sewn by Oma, and this weekend i've got to hit the thrift store to find hankerchiefs for the frog parachutes.

Clearly i need to take some pictures because i don't think i have anything new to share.

Travel Log

2010-03-08T20:57:00.000-06:00

On day one of my trip to NM and while i've been looking forward to the trip for work, i've been dreading it for family reasons. Silas is so needy right now and has episodes of not being able to seperate from me at all that thought of having to leave him come Monday morning had me really worried. But just to make sure it's clear that i don't have the blueprint, when i mentioned it was time to get my coat on, his eyes got a little watery but he just gave me a big hug and asked who i was meeting on my trip.

He and Henry bid me a fond farewell and i just skeddadled out of the house. Then he got dressed and put on underwear with Oma. Sounds like it was a great day all around. So curious to see if the trend continues, but glad for all our sakes that it went well today. Henry just kept keeping on. I promise more updates on him to come-- i know they've been Silas centered lately.

Dry little Piggies

2010-02-21T22:40:00.000-06:00

Silas surprised us again today on the potty training front. After my last post the thrill of underwear seemed to wear off, or for some reason he just didn't seem to want to wear it. No biggie. Someday he'll potty train, i know that. Then this morning we were talking about when and if we needed to get dressed and Silas was giving us a little bit of static about needing to get dressed before some friends came over to play. I told him he could stay in his pajamas until just before they got there. Then surprisingly, around 9 am he told me he wanted to get dressed.

I hopped up, headed straight for his closet and as we were going to change his diaper he announced that not only did he want to get dressed on his own free will, but he wanted to go potty, and then pick out underwear. And we did. And he picked some underwear with pigs on it and was very happy to show and tell everyone that he was keeping his underwear warm and dry.

He resisted the 30 minute timer i set to go potty but wore his underwear all day-- even when we went grocery shopping, and didn't have an accident. Could this really be something? I'll keep you posted.

Brotherly Love-- the real world

2010-02-18T21:41:00.000-06:00

Silas is in his normal spot rocking in the chair outside my bathroom while i get ready in the morning. Henry was upstairs for at least 15 minutes before Silas came up and not a mention of the rocking chair. As soon as Silas comes up and starts to make a beeline for it, Henry says loudly-- "I want to rock." Which of course makes Silas wail because this is part of his routine, and you just don't get between Silas and his routine (he doesn't care much for your routine though, thank you very much.)

I point out that Henry hadn't given the chair the time of day until Silas wanted it. Henry chose not to engage on that one but offered a solution-- why didn't we bring up the child's rocking chair from downstairs. Hey good troubleshooting kid, i'll be back in a jiffy. I bring the chair up and after i've gotten the hairbrush through my hair twice i look back as more screams are breaking out. Henry is rocking in the chair i brought him, but only if it's going to be right in front of Silas' chair, bonking into it with every rock.

And that about sums up the state of brotherly love in our house right now.

Train Underwear

2010-02-17T12:50:00.000-06:00

I may go back to more frequent but "vignette-type" postings for a bit. I'm finding it difficult to craft more of an essay-type blog post. But enjoy sharing the boys' going-ons with folks, and documenting them for myself in an online type of journal.

Silas first started showing some (limited) interest in using the potty months ago (i think it might have even been late summer). His interest clearly waned and i haven't pushed much at all because well, this is Silas and you just don't push unless you have to. Two nights ago he found a pair of Henry's old Thomas underwear and got completely excited. He demanded he put it on right away and talked and talked about keeping it dry and using the potty. He jumped up and down and clapped and did keep his underwear dry. So now we're sending underwear to daycare and intend to see how he does there, before we try this at home. He's been more willing to use the potty regularly at daycare which is why we're trying this approach. We'll see. It sure would be nice if he decided to fully move out of diapers in time for preschool in the fall!

Good Night Ceremony

2010-02-04T16:26:00.001-06:00

I was just re-reading my post on planting the seeds of tradition and thought a nice spin-off post was needed.

I've been doing more and more reading about Waldorf approaches to childhood. They are big into simple and ceremonies. Part of simplicity is embracing nature and natural materials and going for authentic experiences. So they're big on marking celebrations with candles. After the experience celebrating the winter solstice with the candles the boys got to where they wanted to light a candle each evening that lived on the dining room table. They loved it!

I had read about a bedtime ritual that embraced lighting a special bedtime candle and was intrigued by the idea. But couldn't quite play out a scenario in my head where i'd be in the room with both boys that didn't end with them fighting over the candle leaving us all out on the curb, homeless.

But really. I shouldn't have sold them short. I decided to try it one night and here's how we do it in detail in case someone else is wondering how on earth this could work with two kids.

They have to be in bed with all requests already submitted (in writing, in triplicate). If you ask for more water or another book after the candle is lit we don't do the candle the next night. You have to be in your own bed and "settled down." This is a completely subjective call by me.

I light a small candle, kneel in the space between their two beds and we sing a few quiet songs. I'm not musical nor good at remembering the words to things so right now we sing "rock a bye baby," "twinkle twinkle" and then a song called "thank you" sung to the tune of Happy Birthday in which we take turns thanking people for all the good/helpful stuff that happened during the day.

Then we all blow out the candle together and i depart.

They truly love the candle and there is a reverence that comes over them in the presence of fire that i didn't expect. But what makes this account different from all the waldorf "inspirational" reading i do is this truthful account of the "other details." In my house there are nights that immediately after blowing out the candle Silas jumps out of bed and demands water or jumps into Henry's bed and starts yelling "wrest-a-ling, wrest-a-ling," or generally shows that he is not planning on sleeping anytime soon.

Basically sometimes the candle works magic and sometimes it doesn't. And sometimes we don't have time for a book and a candle. So this act hasn't transformed my house into a peaceful beautiful night-time tableau, but it is another way of connecting with the boys and something that they love and that we use as incentive and a way to ground us at night. And i try to think we're laying seeds for when Silas is no longer 2.

Chefing-- not so out of the blue

2010-02-03T20:42:00.000-06:00

I know i said i would post about JT going to cooking school. And i've been meaning to. I've also been drafting posts in my head as i drift off to sleep. The difficulty is making the post interesting without putting JT in the public eye. If you haven't noticed, this blog is primarily about me and the boys. It is very little about JT and that is largely by design. JT is a very private person and is not interested in putting into the public sphere things he deems private-- which includes just about everything. And yet cooking school was a personal decision for him but also one we very much made and are adjusting to as a family.

So... here goes. First just to catch everyone up, JT has been thinking about cooking school and cooking professionally for about the past three years. During that time he made some professional changes to see if he could find more job satisfaction and used all of his free time to cook, read about cooking and generally become as immersed as possible in the world of professional cooking. Somewhere along the line we started talking about cooking school and a career change for him, but it was one of a few options. And we started saving, and projecting and budgeting (oh wait, that was just me.)

Over the course of those three years JT tried out a few other directions he was considering going in and decided that cooking and food was really where his primary passion lay. He got a few seasons of gardening under his belt, learned the basics of smooth kitchen operation (clean as you go), took over all the meal-planning and shopping and embellished his "routine" meals with things like 14 hour briskets and homemade hot dog buns.

He started researching cooking schools and hallelujah, found a great one here in Chicago. Even better Kendal College has what i call the "Executive Chef" Degree but i think is called something kinda mundane like the "Accelerated" Program. It's shorter and cheaper and designed for folks that already have a degree and don't need basic gen eds. Check, no need for writing 101.

So we set a one-year timetable. We saved almost all the pennies we could, set-up and mostly followed a quarterly "step-down" budget to ease back into living off of my non-profit salary, and began to talk about our plans with friends and family. JT and i talked ad infinitum about the changes we expected, how we'd handle them , and thoughts about how we'd handle what we didn't expect.

JT started in January and by all accounts is very happy-- although he has some work to do in certain areas like deboning fish and Cornish game hens. He loves nothing more than a new challenge and certainly cooking school meets that criteria. He's adjusted to his new 4:15 am alarm clock pretty well and i'm pretty proud of myself for navigating the mornings solo-- not my time to shine historically.

We're still feeling our way through the options, choices and challenges we will face after JT wraps up his program a little over a year from now. But we're taking one steady step in front of the next and just trying to talk-- a lot about all the new issues to sort out and routines to build.

Having seriously less money will be one of the biggest challenges, because of course money provides opportunities and options that not having money doesn't. But it also provokes creativity and simplicity which are values i've become to cherish more often. So we're making sure that we're "providing" for the boys and that they get the benefit of seeing their Dad making a difficult decision to do something that he loves and thinks will bring him happiness. Oh, and he learned how to iron his own stuff after almost 10 years of marriage!

Halloweeen?

2010-01-18T22:38:00.000-06:00

Today we scored a pass to the museum of science and industry and i took the boys on the first ever big outing solo, with no stroller! All was amazing. Some shenanigans getting out the door but nothing major, two boys that did awesome in a very over-stimulating museum, just enough to see and do, and then lunch in the car ride home. Awesome. And naps which went smoothly for the first time in a few days. I didn't bring the camera, but thought i'd share a write-up of the outing so it was fixed in my minds eye.

After some web research and recommendations from friends, we decided to focus on seeing the full-size Sub, the Zephyr train you can walk around and go on, the enormous model train area and the airplane area above the trains. We had some incidental contact with other exhibits, but we focused on those. We probably could have skipped the airplane one because by then Silas was getting a tad overwhelmed, but really i couldn't have asked for a more fun outing.

We started by exploring the outside of the Zephyr train and found out they offered free tours inside the train every 15 minutes. I told Henry we could do it on the way out and we all agreed we go off in search of the submarine. It's a pretty meandering path through some other exhibits, but we made our way to the Sub are. Silas says "submarine" but it sounds just like "halloween" and i kept getting confused when he'd talk about the big halloween.

There are all these movies and mini exhibits about the war on the way to the submarine. Henry wanted to stay put and watch each old black and white newsreel but a) i'm not sure wartime newsreels are the best "screen time" for him and b) Silas was not interested and a little scared. But we finally made it down to the enormous room where the full-size submarine is kept. You walk down and around and get to see and do lots of little exhibits along the way. Henry found some more videos and Silas found buttons (which come to think of it is exactly how we spent our museum day a year ago). Henry and I started having a pretty big conversation about war at the tail end of the exhibit and he revisited the topic as i was tucking the boys into bed. I answered a few questions and told him we could talk more today. But his brains all stirred up and hopefully won't beset by too many bad dreams.

Next up was the enormous model train exhibit. We spent a long time there, checking out all the different aspects of the model train country. Silas finding all the buttons, Henry scanning for the built-in steps to stand on for a better view. Silas' favorite part of the museum was here, where you could push a button near the Sawmill vignette and listen to "TIMBER" and the crack of a loud tree falling. We did that many, many times.

Upstairs for a quick poke through a big airliner, a bit of getting lost trying to get back down, and then the promised tour through the Zephyr train. Seems it was the fastest train in 1930 and was able to travel 120 miles an hour. It made a special trip between Denver and Chicago for the World's Fair, and a donkey was picked up in Denver, brought on the train, and presented to the train president (i think) once they arrived in Chicago.

All of this to explain why a portion of the tour was led by an animatronic donkey. When the boys were questioning the donkey on the tour i explained it was a robot. But then later i said maybe it was magic donkey. On the way home we debated which was probably right (Henry-- robot, Silas- magic donkey) and Henry told me we'd have to go back and be scientists to figure it out.

Then pb&J in the car, a little belly-aching and some good rest for all our sore legs. Plus we cleaned the house, which i will write about (scintillating cliff hanger) in my next post.

End of Year Festivities

2010-01-05T18:38:00.004-06:00

Many of my readers were lucky enough to share either Christmas or New Years with us. We hosted our third year of both families visiting us in Chicago. The boys did awesome and had a ball at Christmas. As per usual they loved having all the family around to play with, read stories with, and generally supplement their already well-loved little lives. Silas has sometimes been overwhelmed with visitors so i was a little apprehensive about the number of visitors.

But actually he did great. Dinners at home were a bit touch and go but blessedly the night out everyone did great. And of course the highlight was Christmas Eve with new Christmas pajamas and Christmas morning with a huge abundance of gifts. We actually got everything opened in one day-- and for the first year ever, before naptime! I think a few highlights of the morning were Silas' new Dora DVD, the dollhouse Silas got and the trucks that you take apart and put back together with tools.

In addition to all the Christmas loot, JT's parents brought with them some toys my parents had saved for me that i thought the boys would appreciate. We've put together the doll bunkbeds and the highchair and along with the new kitchen, these implements seem to have helped the boys imagination take off. I'm trying to stoke the development however i can-- of course without seeming to. Last night they were pretending to go on a trip to see Africa and feeding their baby on the plane.

After we bid adieu to our family we headed out to Michigan City for a New Year's week with 4 other couples and families. The house was absolutely beautiful and the weather was warm enough we pretty easily got the boys out of the house for some gorgeous walks every day but the last day. We also planned art activities each day. This combined with the kids being a year older and generally able to play with each other for at least a bit on their own contributed to a fun and less exhausting trip this year.

As soon as we got to the Michigan house Silas started asking when we were going home. But as opposed to the trauma a trip seemed to stoke in Silas this summer, this time when i just answered "We'll go home on Saturday" he accepted it and seemed satisfied. Now he's been asking about when we'll go back. I bet by next year he'll be a real veteran!

The seeds of tradition

2009-12-21T22:33:00.002-06:00

What with all the bellyaching i've been doing here lately i wanted to make sure to note in writing all the really sweet and wonderful things that have been happening around these parts, especially as we lead up to Christmas.

Although Henry has been a tad bit blase about Christmas decorations this year, i think it's only to tone down the shock and awe Silas expresses each time we see brilliant lights or favorite Frosty decorations. He literally squeals with delight and loudly requests which decorations we need to see on our drive home.

Both boys had a ball decorating the Christmas tree this year and were downright helpful-- no quotations needed. Henry also displayed some very serviceable wrapping skills and helped me wrap a full night's worth of gifts one weekend. It's taken a bit of planning and prodding from me, but both boys have made treasure boxes for each other in secret and seem to relish having a gift, especially a secret one, to give the other.

It's not always reverent but they heartily request to listen to watch and listen to the Christmas music box each night. Henry especially loves the story of how Gran and Nonna gave it to me the Christmas when Henry was still in my belly.

Henry has been dutifully counting the days to Christmas using the advent calender i made a few years ago. He's even patiently re-attached the little felt ornaments when Silas has blown in like a tornado.

And today we made a go at celebrating the Solstice. Especially with it being a fairly new special day i didn't try to do anything too dramatic. I'll pat myself right on the back for that one. We read a book on the solstice that i checked out from the library, then we said a little verse about the darkness, lit a few candles and talked about the light coming back. Then Henry suggested we blow out the candles which both boys loved. Voila-- small ceremony achieved. I get the sense we planted a seed and i hope we reap the benefit next year.

I promise to illustrate this post with pictures but that will mostly likely happen after the holidays. We're t-minus just a matter of hours until both sides of our family join us for an exuberant and joyful time at Christmas!

Keep the Numbers Low

2009-12-19T13:51:00.002-06:00

A friend of mine with many children posted the following on her facebook status the other day: "Siblings are a bad idea, best to keep the numbers low." Her message was intended as a tongue and cheek statement, but i have to say i could have expressed the sentiment myself once or twice.

Henry and Silas have an extremely close relationship which currently consists of playing really nicely or enjoying each others company 35% of the time and being upset about something the other is doing 65% of the time. JT thinks my percents are off, but i think that if i sat down with a clip-board and a timer for a day i'd be pretty close.

Beyond simply playing together, you get occasional glimpses of loyalty. In the moment though, this devotion is hard to appreciate because it usually surfaces when one of the boys is getting in trouble. If Silas has been told he can't have a treat, suddenly Henry is yelling at us to let Silas have a treat and to stop being "mean" to his brother. Hopefully standing up for each other will develop into broader personality traits as they get older, for now it's one of those things you try hard not to laugh about.

I know i've posted a lot about the difficulties we've gone through in the last six months with Silas. And i wasn't making those difficulties up. But, as Silas seemed to hit an upswing, Henry went on the downhill. What i came to realize though was how much "milder" any episodes were when you were dealing with just one child. It really does make a difference, at least for our boys, to have both of them at the same time while you're trying to discipline, encourage, or comfort.

I find that if someone gets wild, the other one gets wild, that if someone starts misbehaving, you suddenly have two monkeys jumping on the couch. If someone gets a timeout and begins wailing as if the world is ending, the other one will join in (and sometimes make himself genuinely upset) just because of all that negative energy in the room. With one, you usually have a bad moment, address the situation and move on.

This helped me understand that Silas probably wouldn't seem as challenging if he had been our first or was an only. I also think that Henry's behavior issues now seem so much worse than when he started experimenting with bad behavior between 2-3, because now he has an audience egging him on.

People talk about how the move from 2-3 kids is easier than 1-2. In this area i can see why. The whole dynamic changes with two. I am promising to keep an open mind about why all this sibling strife is worth it. People tell me strong bonds can emerge and i've certainly seen siblings with enviable relationships. But i'll continue to tell people feeling bad about having an only what a great situation that can be too!

Extremely delayed Silas Medical Update

2009-12-15T22:18:00.003-06:00

Sometime in the fall JT took Silas back in for the 6 month ENT checkup to make sure Silas' ears were still okay. Everything looked fine but one tube had fallen out completely and the other one was about to. So they took them both out and wished JT and Silas on their merry way. I was frustrated because essentially Silas had surgery so he could have tubes in for the spring and summer-- not typically our high season for ear infections.

The doctor had agreed with JT that it was too bad they didn't last longer, but also indicated that since he was a year older he may have outgrown the problem. I was skeptical at the time and am even more skeptical now. Silas woke up congested and discombobulated and clearly not feeling well this morning.

JT stayed home with him and he pretty much layed in bed or sat on the couch and watched videos for the biggest part of the day. He didn't have much of a fever but he did keep getting flushed and he was definitely not his normal self. After nap he woke up even more out of sorts and immediately started saying that his ear hurt. Hallelujah for real speech! I immediately called the Dr. and we got an appt for this afternoon.

By then his eye was watering and boy could you just tell he felt miserable. Indeed he did have an ear infection in the one ear he was complaining about and the Dr. thought it was possible he was developing pink eye. She gave us an RX in case he wakes up with it disgusting and clearly pink eye. Otherwise she said it could just be due to his cold. We got his antibiotics filled and his first dose administered tonight. Hopefully he'll be feeling better tomorrow morning, although we'll have to see about school. In the meantime, Henry kept trying to convince us that he should stay home sick as well.

The problem is that he's had a cough for 2 weeks or so that is just stubborn but sounds somewhat bad. So he'll say he feels bad, (cough, cough) and it sounds believable. Wish us sweet dreams as we all try to get a good nights sleep.

Christmas with a 2 and 4 year old

2009-12-12T23:11:00.004-06:00

Christmas this year is fun in lots of new ways. This is the first year Silas is consciously involved in the unfolding of Christmas. And everything is a delight. The big snowflake street decorations, the twinkling lights on Christmas trees peeking through front windows, as well as all the decorations on our tree he can reach.

Henry is also into Christmas in a new way-- he remembers it of course, and trots out all manner of details of things that happened last Christmas that we haven't talked about since. He is also much more intrigued with Santa and seems to be wrapping his mind around the "magic" of Santa. We're setting out to write our letters to Santa this week and i'm curious to see what winds up in Henry's this year.

We're not in a bonafide "up-cycle" with both boys, but we've had a decent-enough string of days i think it's worth being positive and grateful for all the fun craziness the boys bring to our life. Silas' newest thing is loving to take all his clothes off. Mostly he does this indoors, but even still it's been FREEZING here and it gives me goosebumps just to see him naked walking around on our super-cold floors. He does run warmer than me to be sure, but it also seems like he has to be on the verge of hypothermia before he'll admit he's cold. Just to make things interesting he also now feels compelled to jump on the trampoline once all his clothes are off.

We have found a solution that's been working pretty well. He comes home, immediately wants to take all his clothes off, we agree he can do that and run around for a few minutes and then put on his warm fuzzy pajamas. We've accumulated several pairs of fuzzy footed pajamas and he really loves them. So he's being rather "un-Silas" about being persuaded to don them.

We're keeping up a pretty good pace with Christmas prep. We try to hold down outside commitments this time of year which allows us to be home, crafting, wrapping, cooking, and preparing to see our whole family. We can't wait!

Christmas Organizing

2009-12-03T13:10:00.004-06:00

I had a query about how i prepare for Christmas-- when i start working on things, how i get organized etc. I thought this just might appeal to someone else so am drafting my response in the form of a blogpost.

First of all this is me we're talking about, so a spreadsheet looms large in this conversation. I actually now use google docs and have a gift giving spreadsheet that has data in in for the last 5 years. I have everyone listed in column A that i give gifts to. Then a new set of columns each year that detail my ideas, where i think the gift will come from, the budget for that person and the actual amount i spent on them. I color code them as i make progress on the list, bright green when they're all done, yellow when they're in-process or part-way done and white when they're not done at all.

Just to give some scope to my list versus your own gift needs, i have 28 rows on my spreadsheet. This includes the shopping i do for family and a few friends, as well as the gifts i buy for the kids on behalf of family that sends us money.

I generally start thinking about gift ideas for folks sometime in September. I do very little shopping at this point but begin mapping out ideas i have for each person on my list. More and more i strive for a mix of handmade and purchased gifts. I put a lot of thought into what each person would like. I use a combined method of asking for gift lists and then just thinking about what i know about that person, their interests, their taste-- and what i've been inspired by. I spend a fairly substantial chunk of time looking around on etsy and save ideas i have for others in my favorites.

I keep hand-written lists in a small notebook of all the hand-made projects i'm working on. I got underway with those by the beginning of November and have tried to work steadily on them in the evenings and during naptime on the weekends. I tend to cluster my purchased spending online, and do it right around Thanksgiving. There are great sales, still plenty of time to have things shipped, and then i can cross all my purchased gifts off my list and focus on what i'm still working away on by hand.

I can't reveal pictures of what i'm making this year because i don't want to spoil the surprise, but i'm making sure to take pictures of everything as i complete my projects so i can have a big handmade holiday wrap-up post!

How do you organize your gift-giving?

Giving Back

2009-11-23T09:19:00.002-06:00

In the past six months or so i feel like i've stumbled on to some blogs that have made some pretty significant contributions in my life. There's no linear telling of the stumblings, but soulemama.com was probably the nexus. Her beautiful photographs and telling of her family life re-focused my energies and spurred me to explore positive parenting approaches, learn about waldorf education, bring crafts into life with the boys, and embrace sewing and handwork in a big way.

And the reason i'm telling you all of this is to say that beyond inspiration and new hobbies, reading soulemama and some of the other parenting blogs has helped develop a positive thought line running through my head. Many of them discuss in their blogs how grateful they are for what surrounds them-- even when things aren't going right. It really is infectious if you hear this kind of talk enough.

So while part of me is whining that i was so excited for this week off, several days to sew and shop and cook and be productive and that it's not fair to be sick, the other part of me is saying that i'm grateful i have three full days to rest if need-be, a laptop to watch movies on, listen to music and connect when i feel like it, and especially for the little boys that have become very adept and (usually) willing to pick up the downstairs when the toy explosion starts to reach the high-water mark.

I'm not having the morning i wanted (gym, shopping, and then massage); but i am having the morning that i need (in bed with the newspaper, the laptop, coffee and saving my energy for said massage.)

Wishing you and yours a grateful week!

Very First Parent-Teacher Conference

2009-11-19T13:33:00.003-06:00

Yesterday JT and I attended our first parent-teacher conference. It was a delightful time to hear about how well Henry is doing, how amazing a little guy he is outside the home (he's great inside as well-- part of the time :), and to get a detailed report on some of his activities at school.

For my early-childhood education readers, they use something called "creative curriculum" that the preschool learning objectives are tied to-- a quarter of which are in social/emotional development and the rest spread over things like physical, cognitive and language development. Henry got good comments in all areas, and Ms. Laura mentioned that his physical skills on the playground are right in line with all the other kids (i had mentioned his physical therapy).

She had some observation notes for Henry that she gave us and some of them are too funny not to share:
-Playing independently at the art table, Henry observes: "You know, this orange paper is pretty thick, and the red paper wasn't as thick, Why?"
- Henry easily repeats and extends a simple AB pattern using blue and purple manipulative people. He says later while lining them up, "They're at the Artic Pole. They're really Cold."
- While playing with Henry in Dramatic Play, I ask him, "Can i have some milk Henry?" Henry finds the milk in the fridge, brings it to me, and says "Sure, here it is!"
- Henry puts all the blocks on the shelf to "see how many can fit."

Feedback Loop

2009-11-13T15:33:00.003-06:00

From November 2009

Even with the Internet, and a community of supporters that i can access on the phone, online and in-person, sometimes parenting can be a bit of an isolating job. I've been lucky enough to have the opportunity to volunteer in Henry's classroom once a week for the past few months and it's been such a rewarding experience. Seeing Henry outside of his family environment is a joy-- and allows me to clearly see his strengths without having to deal with the "hands-on" parenting that makes you feel like you're in the trenches when you're at home.

I also get a chance to meet all of Henry's classmates, learn their names and see how Henry interacts with them. I recently came across this quote and nodded my head vigorously; "If you ask preschoolers, "What did you do at school today?" they will typically say, "Nothing." Honestly, i was happy to read this as some kids i know just gush the goings-on of their day. But not Henry. For as long as he's been talking, when you ask him what he did at school- or even try to be creative and ask him the funniest or silliest thing that happened he seems to delight in telling you a) nothing happened or b) he just started at the wall all day.

The book went on to say: "But if they get other cues-- you start to sing one of the songs or they see or smell something similar-- you can get an amazingly detailed rendition of the morning's activities."

Being in Henry's classroom gives me the details to be able to ask questions that he'll actually answer, or to weave his classmates names into our conversation. I've considered it laying the groundwork, and in fact it has allowed him to open up and share more with me-- almost as if because he doesn't have to educate me from scratch it's something he'll consider doing.

Henry seems to love having me in the classroom as well-- asking throughout the week if it's the day i come to help at his school. He's really great about honoring the conversation we had the first week in which i explained that i'm still his Mom, but when i'm in the classroom i'm there to help Ms. Laura and all the other boys and girls. He gives me an enormous hug when i'm ready to leave, and interacts with the activities i lead-- but is just as comfortable picking other centers.

But the place i started this post was to say that i've received some hugely valuable positive feedback from Ms. Laura about my skills with the kids. I'm not sure if i can explain how those comments helped shore me up. The kids have both been in some rough patches for awhile and i haven't always felt like i'm doing a great job mothering them. My patience and problem solving skills only go so far. So, being in a classroom with 20 kids and feeling like i know how to help manage the classroom and interact in very positive ways with the kids has been wonderful.

Halloween 2009

2009-11-02T21:30:00.003-06:00

We've had a great time prepping for and waiting to see exactly how Halloween was going to play out around these parts. Henry had decided pretty early he wanted to be a firefighter-- which was great, because we already had everything we needed for his costume. Except for some late in the day desires to be a whole bevvy of inanimate objects (a tree and a pillow are two that spring to mind) we were pretty prepared for Henry to have a smooth experience with Halloween.

We started talking early about Halloween with Silas, and particularly about dressing up. He wasn't very interested, but i figured it was weeks away so no rush. We didn't push but most times when we brought up Halloween and getting dressed in our costumes he used a particularly "Silas" tone of voice to indicate-- "no biggie, but i'm not getting dressed up." I know Silas well enough to know that he probably knew full well what he was going to do and was just stating it early. But part of me thought that as he learned more about Halloween and saw Henry and other kids in costume he'd get into the spirit.

We brought a few possible costumes upstairs to the playroom and Silas even put on a giraffe costume a few times. We talked a lot about the giraffe costume and 50% of the time he'd give it lip service. The other half of the time he'd re-emphasize that he wasn't dressing up.

On Friday, the day before Halloween, Henry's school had a Halloween assembly. Henry wore his costume to school, and Silas was excited and wanted to walk Henry to school before heading over to Ms. Brenda's. Surely this portends good things right?

Either way, the Halloween assembly was fun and Henry and all the other preschoolers (three classes on one stage and no one cried or fell off-- amazing!) did a great rendition of "five little pumpkins." Then they had a Halloween parade around the school and a short party where they got gobs of candy. (Quick aside, there were some candies we weren't familiar with printed only in spanish. One was some kind of lime gumball with chile powder flavor. I'm waiting for a report from JT on that one!)

So, on the day of Halloween i realized that we needed a "costume" that wasn't a costume, in case Silas really did balk. He's been favoring his "sheep coat" and his "bear hat" lately and i had already planned to put him in tan cords to form part of his giraffe costume. I was channeling Henry's bear costume a few years ago-- at least in my mind.

On Halloween we headed over to Tiffany and Mike's for the annual Halloween party. Since it wasn't a weekday the whole thing was decidedly more relaxed and laid-back than in past years. We ate some pizza and then started to work on getting all our costumes on. You guessed it, Silas was a no-go. Both Tiffany and Troy (very persuasive with the preschool crowd) tried to convince Silas to put on his giraffe costume, but he just said pretty firmly (and calmly) "no." So, we bundled into his sheep coat and bear hat and he was as happy as a clam. He loved trick-or-treating, wound up staying out later than Henry, who got cold and went back with an early group, and kept wanting to get "more treats." He even said trick-or-treat and thank-you at each house-- albeit in the wrong order.

And as a special gift to his parents, he and Henry climbed right into their sleeping bags, laid down and crashed out while we got to stay and enjoy the party with our friends. Wonderful Halloween-- even without the costume.

Motherhood as Continuing Ed

2009-10-23T14:33:00.004-05:00

I recently finished reading a book called You are Your Child's First Teacher, by Rahima Baldwin Darcy. An Amazon reviewer lamented it was long on theory and short on practicalities. I disagree because i did find practical advice in the book-- at least enough to get the gears moving, and I felt the "theory" or rhetoric provided soulful salve at a time that isn't all butterflies and moonbeams with the kids. As you can tell from the quotes i jotted down below, one of the theses of the book that resonated with me is all about how parenting is our own adult journey-- spurred on by our kids.

Just as babies don't wait until the world and our lives are in perfect order before they are born, children don't wait until we are "perfect parents." Indeed, we will be better off if we can give up the idea of perfection in regard to parenting. Parenting is a process of mutual growth, in which parents and children grow in different levels through their interactions and through elements they bring into one another's lives.

I gave up on perfection a long time ago. I was raised amongst perfectionists and i never did see the return in that last 2%-- enough to make me happy and to do a good job has pretty much always been my mantra. And yet, this idea that we are to keep growing and learning based on the interactions we have with our children resonated.

I can't easily think of anything else other than the experience of parenting, that causes you to look at a pregnant lady, or a pregnant mom of a toddler and think "boy, you just wait." And, it's not ego necessarily, not completely a need to revel in your own hard-won experience. Part of it is just an honest knowing that one way or another, one personality or another, the new phase these folks are going to enter into is going to push their boundaries at some point. Of course the same way a mother of three or of teenagers or of grown children looks at me.

And this is where Darcy's book really started to emit sparks for me:

If we see parenting as part of our own inner growth and development and see our children as unique individuals with their own personalities and lives to live, we will be less likely to fall into feelings of guilt.

I also don't tend to carry guilt so that wasn't the hook, but this ideas that being a mother, parenting these two boys is part of my own development has really spurred a bit of a renaissance in my mothering. I've struggled with how to describe this because it's not as if i was "Sleeping Mother" going through the motions of childrearing, suddenly awakened to an interest in my children. No, it's more that i've always loved my boys in an unbounded familial way and now i've discovered a way to apply all my functional "work" skills and interest to the family.

Bear with me if this sounds strange, but i love organizing things, creating schedules and problem-solving. I've been drawing on these skills ever since i started this parenting jig, but somehow in the last few weeks i've really began to apply these skills and interests to the kids in a focused way. And one of the best parts is that JT and i have been brainstorming and strategizing together.

I worry this is sounding a bit nutso. It is difficult to describe. I think the take-away is that i've had a bit of an awakening recently that the kids will not stay young or even in our house forever-- that days are long but the years are short, and finding a way for us all to feel like we're growing and moving together is crucial.

Crafting

2009-10-23T13:52:00.003-05:00

I've been talking about how i'm working to infuse more crafts into our lives and i have a few pictures and some stories to relate on our efforts. I was reminded of something the other day by Henry's preschool teacher "I like the kids to focus on the process, not the product," and have been trying to emphasize the same in our efforts.

We installed a new display line in our kitchen for all of the boys' artwork. It's primarily filled with Henry's creations but Silas is bursting with pride over the one piece of his that is tacked up there.

In anticipation of Halloween we've been making pumpkins and ghosts for almost a month now. Here are ghosts hung up in Henry and Silas' room. Once Halloween is over we'll use this line to display more works of art as well.

I made this little guy for Henry after he repeatedly requested a soft doll like Silas'. He seemed happy and genuinely thankful and (using his big words) told me he was "very appreciative."

We've got more projects, big and small, in the works for Christmas!

Parenting Tricks

2009-10-18T20:18:00.003-05:00

I've got a longer essay in here somewhere, but for now a few new techniques i've introduced this week that i think are going to work quite nicely.

Anyone that has spent time with Silas at home knows that his favorite place is in his own house. Even when he eventually has a great time outside the home, getting him to leave can be hell. On the whole he had been okay getting ready for school but last week even this deteriorated and we had a few terrible mornings (lots of shouting, tears, inane attempts to reason-- when will i learn!) I decided we had to figure something else out. Two things, JT is now getting up at 7 so that the kids will get up (they had been laying around in their beds/rooms until 7:30 or even 7:45 some mornings) and have more time to eat breakfast, play, get dressed, play, brush teeth, coats, etc. This i think is crucial and definitely helped.

The second thing we did at the end of last week was to have Silas pick out his coat and shoes and put them on the chair by the door so everything is ready in the morning. We did this again tonight and i intend to continue doing it. I don't expect him to make a beeline for the chair, put on his coat and shoes and declare he's ready for school, but if we could avoid tantrums about wearing a coat i'd call it a victory. I'll keep you updated.

The last thing we did is institute a "ticket" system for screen time. A big portion of me wants to outlaw "screen time" almost entirely and i can attest to it being a slippery slope if you aren't on top of it. In my experience, you all agree to 30 minutes, or no tv on weeknights or whatever, then the next thing you know the little ones are whining for more, or melting down because they can't watch George or other types of behavior that i'm keen on avoiding. So, we're in the pilot stages, but each boy gets a specified # of tickets for 15 min. increments that they keep in special coin purses. They can watch 15 mins at a time and spend their tickets. They get more each Friday.

Generally the bulk of their screen time happens on the weekend (an hour to an hour and a half) but if they want, they have the opportunity to watch a show or two during the week-- which is a nice tool for both the boys and Mom if we're having a rough day.

Fall Fun

2009-10-13T20:04:00.004-05:00

A noted lack in posting. I was away an entire work-week two weeks ago and i feel like i'm just about caught back up where i have some time to mess around once the boys are in bed. Plus, i hosted my parents for a fall visit this weekend that was lovely; albeit cool.

After several years of sticking largely close to home during their visits, we were all over greater Chicagoland. The nap schedules or our little people still constrain all day touristing, but we headed out to the NW suburbs for fun at a local pumpkin patch. The highlight of Silas' trip was the tractor ride-- which i remember him balking at completely last year. Henry loved every minute of the kids truck ride he got to go on. I believe the wacky fun house and the strawberries were also a hit, although at that point i had taken Silas to look more at the animals because the wanting to ride, afraid to ride conflicting feelings were just too much for him.

From October 2009

He did very much enjoy watching the sheep eat, the chickens peck around and the rabbits nuzzeld up against the warm back corner.

That night Henry had his first swim lesson at the new "warm" pool and he seemed to do quite well. Once i saw him get in and follow the teachers' lead without begging me to get in too, everything else was gravy. It was a little chaotic before class started with so many kids getting sorted out, but i'm hoping it will be a little calmer and Henry will be a little more assured.

Sunday my parents and i went out to the Frank Lloyd Wright house and studio in Oak Park. I hadn't been out there since soon after moving to Chicago, and it was very fun to play tourist again. It's a cool house and amazing to picture the prairie coming right up to within sight of his house. The boys sat this trip out and probably just as well. Henry might have at least listened attentively for the tour but we had a 2 hour wait before it started that would have thrown him over the edge.

Last event was JT volunteering at Henry's school to get the flower beds cleaned out and planted with spring bulbs. Volunteering seems to be a new thread running through our days. This Saturday it's my turn to help set-up the fall festival.

Creativity

2009-09-27T22:55:00.004-05:00

From September 2009

One of the offshoots of some of my recent reading, as well as just feeling a transition in the boys, has led to my attempts to integrate more creativity into all of our lives. I've been greatly influenced by Amanda Blake Soule's (Soule Mama) blog and her first book (i can't wait until the second one gets to our library!) And have embarked upon creative attempts in a several different directions. Partly i'm interested in incorporating more "arts and crafts" in a straightforward manner into our lives. And partly i feel something a little more complicated about wanting to slow down more with the boys and have time to actually create together. So "create" has taken on a very relaxed interpretation in the past several weeks.

Practically I've approached the idea of "creating more" by re-tuning our schedule to allow tv/videos/computer only on the weekends. It's amazing how this helps open up little pockets of time. I've started a binder of kid friendly projects that i've been using to select one big project for each weekend. I also reorganized all the art supplies so that both the "no assistance necessary" (crayons, color pencils and the like) and "some assistance necessary" (pompons, "real" glue, beads) are within Henry's reach. The two biggest contributors to forward progress though have been buying a small desk for Henry so that he has a dedicated "creative" space, and sitting down with Henry to water color, cut, or just create.

From September 2009

Henry's very excited about his desk and it has given him a little special space that is out of the way and lets him go off and have some alone time when he needs it. As Henry and Silas get closer, they get more and more intertwined. There bond has grown for sure, but so has (at least Henry's) need for some alone time. This desk was a pretty crucial step in helping them find a way to establish this.

You'll notice that so far i'm only talking about Henry in all of this. Silas is not interested in "art" right now and only very fleetingly will deign himself to color or paint. He was exactly the same way with books for a very long time and only just recently became interested in sitting still to be read to. This has prompted the biggest creative development for all of us-- periodic book time. Sometimes they don't go willingly, but i find that if i can get the boys to the couch or the bed or the playroom floor and agreeing to a book (or at least who gets to pick first) everyone's blood pressure drops several beats and their breathing becomes more regular. I can just sense it happening for them and *feel* it happening for me-- even when 2 minutes before i was aware of my last nerve stretched taut.

The coming fall weather helps. I can forsee a winter of evenings huddled around the kitchen table, long weekends spent in the middle of big and small projects. The image is at least a good bit enticing although for the part of me wishing summer would never end, i feel like i have some new ideas to meet the long hibernation that i know is coming. I promise more pictures of all the fruits of our work to come soon.

Playroom Overhaul

2009-09-21T13:43:00.004-05:00

I've been doing some initial reading and learning (mostly web-based at this point although the library books are in transit) about Waldorf and Montessori theories around child-development and play. My take away from the surprisingly similar starting tenants to play and playrooms that both Waldorf and Montessori sites espouse are:

- Simplify. Cut back. Downsize. Doesn't matter how natural, or cool or creative your child's playthings are. When there are too many of them they get overwhelmed and their toys aren't appealing. Think Barney's, not Walmart.

- Well-made toys that are aesthetically appealing and open-ended are more appealing and last longer than easily broken toys that dictate how a child needs to play with them. This fits the quality over quantity point. For some folks this means only natural materials for toys-- to me it just means a few well chosen toys that hold up, can be used all different ways and if they're beautiful and natural-- bonus!

--Kids need their stuff out in the open. Ideally organized on low-shelves where things are out in the open or stored in open containers for small items. Check! This was my own conclusion after 3 years of trying to bring organization to the play room.

--The other key tenant which we're working on is having kids pick up their playroom-- putting things back where it goes. Part of what seems to help this is having a dedicated spot for everything. I struggle with this honestly, because i'm constantly trying to better organize their playthings-- editing, and oftentimes working in new toys they've been given. So we're working on having them take ownership for picking up but i don't think i'm ready for a system like they have at preschool where each toy or bin is numbered and there is a corresponding spot in the shelf for the item.

There's lots more to both waldorf and montessori philosophy for both play as well as childrens' development, but i've been focusing on these points as an entree to integrating more creativity into the boys days.

As you can tell from the photos, simplifying hasn't meant barren. It's amazing how you cart half the stuff to the basement and the playroom is still almost overflowing. I'm watching carefully though and almost everything in there gets constant use. The only thing i'm not certain about is the bookshelf. So far i haven't applied the same (take out half) approach i have in other places. They probably would read more different books if there were fewer choices. But somehow having an entire shelf of books to browse seems too important to me. So i'm holding off at this point. What do you think?

Silas' Big Boy Bed

2009-09-17T22:03:00.000-05:00

It was a rash decision but, but last Monday morning, on the eve of Henry heading to preschool, we converted Silas' crib to a big boy bed. We had started talking with Silas about the idea after we returned from vacation and although he showed very short spurts of interest he always returned to "no" and other sentiments that meant he liked things just the way they were.

Then on Monday morning we started talking about changing his bed and he went for it. He said he wanted to "change my bed" several times and seemed genuinely excited. JT and i talked about the rational reasons it wasn't a great idea; a) we were going to be gone all day at a BBQ so he wouldn't actually be home to get used to it, b) the next day was Henry's first day of school and we didn't want to start off with a terrible night's sleep and c) if things went awry we wouldn't have the weekend to recuperate.

But, we threw those concerns out the window and decided to be led by the fact that the child that has made it clear he doesn't like change, was embracing, nay excited for this transition. We all took a turn with the ikea wrenches and voila-- big boy bed!

Silas was over the moon about his new bed and played happily in it all morning. He took his usual nap upstairs and then we headed out to Tiffany and Mike's for our labor day BBQ. He was clingy and difficult at the BBQ but in the few moments when he'd let me put him down and wander over to the other kids, he'd quickly saunter back and whisper "my bed" with this happy, sly smile that he's great at.

That night he was over the moon to sleep in his bed and so far there has been no falling out of bed or midnight escapades. He and Henry often wake up before 7 now, but talk or read quietly to each other until 7 when they both come bounding up the stairs to wake us up. It's very, very dear and helps smudge some of the harsh edges around the difficulties we've begun to emerge from with Silas.

Facebook

2009-09-15T21:56:00.001-05:00

If you visit my actual blog (instead of using a feed-reader) you might have noticed that i've been posting my facebook status on the sidebar. It's a bit wonky from a design perspective but it gives you a sense that you can find me on facebook making quick frequent updates on our family. I use fb as a way to post short, frequent messages related to the ups and downs in my day and around events related to our family. If you're a friend or family in real life (and i'd be surprised if you were reading this blog and *didn't* fall in that category) i'd be happy to have you as a friend on facebook.

I've found this blog has evolved into a journal of sorts to help me chronicle the major events of our family life. I'm not abandoning this blog, and it certainly gives me a space to write in more depth than a fb status updated. But it's not exactly the place for late breaking news.

So, glad we cleared that up!

Preschooler!

2009-09-14T21:44:00.002-05:00

We're well on our way to having a preschooler in his second week of school. Even that first day you'd think Henry was a pro! We've been so pleased at his transition to school and are looking forward to many great years at our elementary school.

Henry started school on the day after labor day. The Friday before we got a call that a spot had opened in the morning session. So after all the hand-wringing, the feeling inadequate and ill-prepared to be the parent i wanted, things just worked out. I tried to spread the gratitude around wherever i could that day!

Henry's first day of school, JT and I went with Henry for a shortened morning session. We got to meet the teacher (new to the school), watch the kids take a "tour" of their classroom, drop off our supplies (which we almost needed a wheelbarrow for) and then accompany the kids to the lunch room for a snack while we had a greeting from the Principal. The second day Henry went by himself but was just there (again) with the "new" kids. Then the third day he went and all the kids that attended last year started too. You couldn't have designed a better way to ease Henry into everything.

All accounts are that he did wonderfully. He got a "i did great at school" ticket when he came out beaming on his first solo day and the teacher and the aide have consistently described him as doing great. Really until tonight he's been a little closed-lipped about things. He now things it's hilarious to say his teacher's name is "nothing" when you ask what it is. I'm pretty sure the smart ass humor didn't rub off from my side of the family. Now that he's been going he's describing vignettes from his day-- playing with the blocks, the rules of the playground, how lunch works, the writing center, etc. I'm hoping to keep drawing this kind of information out in dribs and drabs when he doesn't notice.

And after the last post, i'd be remiss in explaining that Silas has taken the whole transition in stride. I wasn't sure how he'd feel about Henry heading off to preschool but i think the fact that Silas is just continuing on *his* own routine and Henry comes and joins him later hasn't rocked his world too much!

Silas and the terrible, horrible, no-good, rotten tantrums

2009-09-05T21:54:00.003-05:00

I've been thinking about this post for awhile and yet the idea of sitting down to really dig into my son's tantrums, meltdowns and fits of rage seems to keep losing out to things like, organizing the basement (last night) pulling weeds (nap-time) or searching etsy (all the time!) But before the Henry preschool posts get going (which i promise will be coming soon), i did want to write about Silas and the difficult phase we're going through with him. At first i was going to say so i could remember it, but really it's more so when my friends with younger kids ask me about this type of behavior, i can look back, compare their descriptions with mine and assure them their children are not baboons.

Silas has been lodged in this phase for at least a few months. It's hard to pinpoint the exact start because since he entered toddler-hood, it was apparent he was stubborn and tenacious-- definitely not one to handle with the trusty distraction technique. As he's moved further and further into the twos he's gotten more difficult. He wants what he wants now, and he just melts down if he doesn't get it. He also really, really wants something and then when he gets it he doesn't want THAT and he can't believe you would torture him by taking him to the shower park which he's been dying to go to because now he really, really, really wants to go to the pocket park.

In addition to how easily upset (let's be honest, enraged) he gets, he's also really shy and wary of new people and new routines and just new stuff overall. So he needs to be with Mom pretty much all the time and will meltdown into one of said freak-outs if say, Dad should deign to try to change his diaper.

When we were at the beach obviously everything was new, and even by the time it wasn't new, his meltdowns were reaching a crescendo. It was difficult but also completely and totally exhausting. There were days i didn't have one drop left of patience, or new ideas, or discipline left to give. I think it was probably a lot of little things, he wasn't getting quite the full sleep he needed, he was off his routine, and he's 2. But it did make parts of the vacation really difficult.

Thankfully he's eased off a bit since we've been back. He still gets upset easily and can throw a tantrum with the best of them, but they tend to be more manageable. Unfortunately as some of the meltdowns have subsided we are now moving into another difficult phase of limit testing, hitting and general misbehavior. This one is going to require some new learning on my part because as opposed to Henry, who tested bounds as if he knew it was part of his developmental curve, Silas tests boundaries with absolute and unfettered glee. It's a little worrisome how much his eyes twinkle when he's doing something he shouldn't be. Hmm, makes me think i need to go check out some books on two-year old unruly children. Any suggestions and i'm all ears!

Vacation Breakdown

2009-08-31T09:46:00.004-05:00

Vacation was over more than a week ago so if i don't get this written now, i'll forget the details myself. And the whole purpose of the post is to help me remember what our beach vacation was like with a 2 and 4 year old.

Heading to the same beach, at the same house each summer affords us the chance to use our vacation as a method of marking the growth in our kids just like making marks on the closet for our kids height. Each year when it's time to take a new measurement you can't believe how much your kids have grown.

So to help us compare summers, here's how our days generally went at the beach this year.

The boys typically woke up between 7 and 7:45 each morning JT would get up with them, make them breakfast and they'd run around, cause mayhem and wait until they could come wake me up. That happened somewhere between 7:45 and 8:00 most mornings. Other mornings i got up when they did, headed to the pool or out on a run before the day got to hot.

Between 8 and 8:30 the rest of our family would be downstairs, eating breakfast, and deciding on the day's activities. If it was the beach we'd pack the cooler, our beach bag and then spent the better part of the next hour getting the kids into bathing suits, surf shirts and slathered with sunscreen. Usually another 15-20 minutes finding and putting on shoes and loading into the cars. We followed a similar schedule for the pool although every few days you had to factor in Silas' meltdowns into the am schedule. Sometimes they just made things take longer and sometimes they debilitated plans.

We'd leave the beach or pool by about 12:15-12:30, get them washed off in the outside shower (which Silas became obsessed with), while JT made them lunch which they ate in the screened in porch-- or "ousside" as Silas proclaimed. Then into dry clothes and off to naps. Most days Henry napped for a few good hours, although Silas' naps were often fairly short.

Some afternoons we hit either the pool or the beach depending on what we had done in the morning. Others we just played around the house, went on bike rides in the trailer or tried to fit in other activities-- croquet, the sprinkler, baseball game, etc. The boys went to bed late most nights-- close to 8:30.

Silas got to where he liked playing quite a bit on the steps of the pool and having me swim him around in the water of the pool-- only after the first few days when he refused loudly to go near the water. Henry wore his life vest or swim ring and spent all the time he could in the pool and asked to go into the ocean with us whenever possible. Some days the waves were too big and then he ran in and out of the water and discovered making sandcastles down by the water-- thus ending our time being able to hunker down under the umbrella.

We've hit a minor league team -- the Shorebirds-- game each year and this year was Silas' first time in attendance. He loved the mascot, Sherman and spent the entire night asking where "that guy" had gone. Henry continued to love Sherman as well and this year even took a picture with him. Note the distance in last year's picture.

I plan to post more about Silas latest phase--which is a difficult one. But this should give us a pretty clear idea of what the beach vacation was like if we're lucky enough to get to go again next year!

Vacation Update

2009-08-17T14:04:00.002-05:00

We're somewhere past the mid-way point of our annual vacation to Bethany Beach, DE. Henry is enjoying his 5th beach vacation and this is Silas'. Each one has been a little different and a little better. I think last year was the turning point with both boys sleeping normally through the night and not waking up at 6 am. Although this year has had some downs (Silas' crazy homesickness and tantrums, my sinus infection, lots of mosquitos) i think they've primarily been overrun by all the fun we've had at the beach, the pool, the park, and hauling the boys around in the bike trailer.

It's pretty fun seeing what the boys are like each year while we're here. Last year Silas was just learning to walk and Henry was pretty cautious at both the pool and at the beach. This year Silas is of course EVERYWHERE, running like a banshee, cautious but making huge progress at the pool and small progress at the beach and Henry is progressing towards fish status. In the pool Henry wears his swim vest and paddles over the whole pool, working on keeping his legs straight while he kicks. He wants to spend the biggest part of our time at the beach running in and out of the water and has been in swimming several days with myself or JT. Silas wants to go "see" the water now a few times an outing, but absolutely, positively does not want his feet or any other part of his body to touch the water. I think we have moved past the waves being "too loud," although he does still ask why they are loud.

JT and i are loving things too. We've celebrated our ninth anniversary (technically July 2nd, but we postponed our celebration until we were on vacation and had plenty of time to chill, read and talk to each other-- once JT and my Dad finished Halo. I'm doing the sprint triathlon two weeks from now so i've been exercising quite a bit each day and loving having the time (and backup) to do it. I tested out my wet suit, which fits and i managed to get it off and on, although the jellyfish in the water freaked me out and cut my ocean swim short.

Rotating Playgrounds

2009-07-27T22:45:00.001-05:00

From July 2009

This summer we've gotten in the habit of going by the playground 3-4 afternoons after i pick the boys up from school. It helps the boys unwind, lets me have a chance to just play with them before we get home and i'm distracted by housework, and lately it's given us a chance to appreciate some of the benefits of living in the city.

We've taken to going to new parks every so often and now have a stable of 5 parks that we rotate based on request. The boys have named each one, so there's the "bear park," Silas favorite and named for the bear statues that spray water, the "shower park" which has an awesome water feature like a gigantic showerhead that Henry adores running through, the "close" park-- which happens to be the one 4 blocks from our house, the "sandbox" park and a few others we're still creating names for.

Henry has been exploring more and more in the past several weeks-- climbing to the top of ladders, wanting to do the monkey bars, hanging from the rings and dropping on his own, and climbing up steeper and steeper slides. It's awesome to watch. Silas has been going through a bit of a timid stage lately. He still adores the swings but constantly tells you "no high." He and Henry entertained each other for a good half hour last week "chasing" each other around the playground. I'm hoping that habit takes over because sometimes i'm just not up for another round of tag!

Physical therapy, i think we've found a match

2009-07-26T22:31:00.003-05:00

Long-time readers, aka family members will remember that Henry was in physical therapy as a baby. He started around 9 months old and continued receiving therapy until just before his 2nd birthday. He received therapy through a few different practices; the last of which we were very unhappy with and after we left it turns out it closed. We weren't particularly happy with the therapy being delivered and we did not at all have a clear sense of the goals Henry was trying to reach nor any kind of guide for when we would get there. We were trapped on a therapy treadmill where each developmental stage brought with it a new skill that Henry needed help "strengthening."

I say all of this because i was very reticent about getting Henry back into therapy. I didn't want to repeat the bad experience, nor get back into the struggles with Henry about "practicing" the skills he was learning. We've been talking closely with our Ped. and it wasn't until Henry's 4 year appointment that we thought it was a good-idea to get him evaluated again. Our Ped. referred us to a practice that is very close and that she highly recommended. Other than the billing situation (they don't take any insurance) we have been very pleased. The office is convenient (halfway between our house and Brenda), we currently have a 5 pm slot and will soon have the 6 pm slot, and the therapist is quite good and Henry bonded with her almost immediately.

We had an initial evaluation and received a written report that we discussed in an "evaluation" meeting with Caroline the therapist this past week. Henry has some weakness in his legs, particularly his right leg. His core strength is also somewhat weak. She set out a number of physical goals for Henry, i.e. being able to walk up and down steps "reciprocally" without holding on to the railing; being able to hop on one foot, jump forward at least 30 inches, etc. She estimated in the written report that it would take 1 weekly session for 3-4 months and then going to bi-weekly session and then just periodic check-ins. During the evaluation meeting this week she said she thought it wouldn't actually take that long because of how quickly he was progressing just in 3 sessions.

The report also said that he was wonderful at following instructions, very easy to work with, eager to do the exercises, and kept trying multiple times until he got something without getting frustrated. Many of those traits i've witnessed personally but the not getting frustrated part was a pleasant surprise. This time around everything is better because as parents we feel good about the practice and the therapist and where we're headed, but primarily because Henry is excited to see Caroline and looks forward to practicing his new skills. I'm glad i didn't let our previous negative experience make me drag my feet any longer on helping Henry in this way.

Light on the essay, heavy on the photos

2009-07-14T22:44:00.001-05:00

From July 2009

Is pink for girls?

2009-07-13T23:02:00.002-05:00

We've made it much farther than i thought we would before a dawning of gender happened in our house. Henry and Silas have both liked traditionally "boy" things from the get-go, all manner of transport vehicles, and balls for sure. But until today we've had no discussion of things "appropriate" for girls and boys. I know Henry knows who is a girl and who is a boy but he hasn't asked and i'm not sure he could explain what makes them actually different. You're supposed to answer questions when they're raised and not overwhelm kids with more than they want to know-- at least that's our current logic.

So today in the car as we're about to pull up at the park Henry says "Pink is for girls." A little bit of question mark at the end of the statement. I told him that lots of girls like the color pink but that boys can like it too. I told him that a lot of times people say "blue is for boys" but that lots of girls like blue as their favorite color. He was happy and i didn't prolong the discussion or probe to figure out what had raised it. I do know that pink has been one of his favorite colors and right now he and Silas have us mark on the calendar who gets to use the sparkly pink cup that was left by a playmate last weekend (and that will be returned clean next weekend!)

Summer Documentation

2009-07-12T07:44:00.003-05:00

I know i need to post some pictures, although honestly i need to take some pictures! But, i thought i would use a few minutes of quiet time to post something rather than wait for the perfect convergence of events when i've got pictures readied as well-- you'd be waiting for a bit longer i dare say.

I'm home now and not traveling again until early August. That's a one-day work trip and the boys are coming with me. They get to spend 3 days with Oma and Opa by themselves, and then after picking JT up we're all headed to the beach with my parents-- Gran and Nonna and my grandmother. It was really hit or miss for a long time whether JT would be able to come to the beach this year, so we're especially looking forward to the vacation since our whole family will be together.

The list of things that various parties want to do is pretty long. There's swimming and sandcastles and jumping in the waves of course, there's flying kites, playing mini golf, eating a 5 guys burger, as well as cooking fish, going to our delayed anniversary dinner at the Buttery, and finally renting bikes and a bike trailer, possibly renting jet skis and going to a baseball game. We'll have a full schedule and can't wait to have enough time off to enjoy it all.

Quick update i didn't make before. Henry had two one-hour evaluations with a physical therapist. We'll get a full written report, but the initial feedback was that he has weakness in his legs (one more than the other although i don't remember which) and that he needs to be able to strengthen them so he can jump as far as he should be able to and do things like hop on one foot-- which he can't do at all right now. The other issue is that he has "collapsed arches." He stands and rolls his feet inwards so that his arch is almost touching or touching the ground. We've ordered some shoe inserts that is supposed to help with that. He starts his weekly sessions next week. More to come.

Travels

2009-07-09T20:08:00.002-05:00

Tuesday when i was talking about my trip to Atlanta this week i told the boys I would take them to school on Wednesday morning and JT would pick them up in the afternoon since i'd be going to the airport. Henry said "i don't like it when you travel." It wasn't particularly emotional, but he said it and it was negative which both hurts a bit and is a turning point. Previously he and Silas both have been largely nonchalant about my travel. I know it's not easy, it certainly asks JT to shoulder a full-time parenting burden for a few days, but i also know the kids are in good hands. By all accounts they've done great while i've been away this visit. I now call and talk to both boys before they go to bed which tells me that Silas is definitely getting older. Nevermind the conversations seem to focus a lot on booboos and what they had for dinner, but the both chatter away-- Henry with his "Mommy i want to tell you something" and Silas with his "Mommy. Mommy? Mommy!" Even as i'm answering each request with a "yes Silas?"

I'm looking forward to being back Friday night and not travelling again until early August when i bring the boys with me and we go on vacation!

Three (attempted pool visits)

2009-06-28T19:47:00.002-05:00

Summer is finally here. It seemed it would never come and then just in time for my aunt and cousin's visit-- we had 90 degree heat and the unrelenting jet engine of our air conditioner. We did get to take them downtown to see the Lake and some of Chicago's great parks. Henry had wanted to see Buckingham fountain ("big water" by Silas' naming) and they had a lot of fun in the Crown Fountain-- doing a bit of splashing. JT bundled them home for naps and the rest of us did some walking on Michigan Avenue and then took the Architecture tour on the Chicago river. It was hot and sweaty, but fun to get downtown. I do have to say that until Silas is another year or two older i think that was the one big "downtown" outing for the summer.

He wanted in the stroller, or out, or to walk, or to be carried, or none of the above. He had fun but he also was grumpy and he's just impossible to reason with. I can only presume he'll at least get more rational as he gets older but i guess i should be prepared that his stubbornness will not subside.

Today we took the boys to the park for a bit before Tammie and Morgan headed off to the airport. Then i took Henry to swim lessons (i'll write more about that next time) and after naps i took both boys to the baby pool. Now i'm sufficiently exhausted and ready to get the boys to bed, eat dinner with JT and catch up on a few tv shows and 6 enormous baskets of laundry!

Picture Roundup

2009-06-11T22:07:00.003-05:00

I know i've been light on pictures lately so rather than relating much i thought i'd just peg some escapade retelling to what was on the camera.

Silas and Henry play together a lot now. Which means some cute moments like this and about 100 other hours of Henry pouncing on something Silas was just playing with and yelling mine, Silas countering with "mine!" ensuing tug-of-war and then Silas crying or whining. Seems like an age-old story doesn't it-- any ideas for changing the dynamic entirely, i.e. make this kind of interaction stop? If not, lets just enjoy the sweet brotherly love pictures. Oh yeah, forgot to mention Silas had an asphalt burn-- he fell at school. It healed pretty quickly-- it looked terrible but was pretty shallow. It went away several weeks ago but he still talks non-stop about his boo-boo and points to his nose.

We recently finished another round of sticker charts with Henry. The primary purpose was to "re-program" him away from the middle-of-the-night visits that were becoming routine. We also managed to throw in getting dressed on his own and picking up his toys at night. Ice cream (that he got to pick out) was the big end of week treat!

We had a lovely visit to the zoo with Marc and Jessica and Gabe. I never get good zoo pictures so here is Henry looking okay and a meerkat in the way background. In the same exhibit were the giraffes but Henry preferred the meerkats.

And finally, here is Silas enjoying two of his favorite things-- his house and blowing kisses. Currently the "guys" he play with in his house include an alien, an astronaut, a firehouse Dalmatian dog, and a dinosaur. I brought him two little people tonight-- a female mechanic and moses-- he threw them across the room and wouldn't let them in the house.

Babys and babas and george, oh my!

2009-06-06T21:24:00.001-05:00

Very, very busy lately. That delicate balance between work and home was pretty much obliterated this past week. I traveled to DC Wed afternoon for a two day training. The days leading up to the training were frantic work days with many extra hours logged in the evening. I was stressed, i didn't get to work out, and in general it was not how i like to spend my days. We're still busy but i'm really hoping that things will be back to normally busy this week. I've got another training (and another trip) in two weeks, but it's one we do each year to there isn't as much prep for it.

The boys seem to be doing just fine. Brenda was closed Mon-Wed so they spent two days at another home daycare run by a woman i've met through the parent support group for our elementary school. All reports were that they were very happy. She's said to let her know if we ever need back-up care which is a great resource to have indeed.

Henry has thrown out a few funny sayings lately. Last weekend a few minutes into quiet time he knocked on his door. When i went to see what the problem was he said-- "what's that noise?" I told him it was the Cuisinart and he said "well i was curious about that noise." Later that day he came in from sitting on the porch with JT as i was drawing his bath and said something like "Mom, the point is, that i need to watch George after i take a bath." I assumed JT has used the expression but said Henry worked it into his dialogue all himself. He's a talker that one.

Silas is great; funnier and sillier than ever. But also really not liking going to sleep nowadays. I must take a picture of his crib. The "usual" includes his two life-size baby dolls, a small stuffed baby, his original lovey bunny and backup bunny, a small curious george doll, an oversize george book, 2 (of the same) kitty books, a small george notebook, and two other normal sized george books-- as well as the cat book he got for his birthday. Plus, on any given night he picks something else he *has* to have in bed with him. Last night we fought a major battle because he wanted to sleep with his school bag (!?) JT and i felt with it's handles it was just too much of a safety threat but the poor thing was crying and sobbing hysterically as if his comfort hinged on the school bag (something he's never, not once, mentioned at any other point in his life.) And don't forget, he has to be covered-up with two special "ba-bas" (blankets). Problem is he says "two" for everything and now he's up to 3-4 blankets for him to be satisfied. I'm worried he's going to be a hoarder later in life. Anyone think this is normal?

Almost Summer 2009

2009-05-24T21:25:00.003-05:00

Last week i was reminded why the park by our house is really one of the best. Sure it has some bigger kids that can get out of hand on weekdays, but it has shade, lots and lots of shade. The bigger park we've been going to lately without the big kids and with a huge sandbox is lovely when it's 70. Last week when it was 82 i took the kids on the way home from work and after about 15 minutes Henry was asking to go home. They had spent a long day at the park at daycare and the water for the drinking fountain hasn't yet been turned on. So we played a bit, picked up sticks under the few trees at the park and called it a day. It was a good reminder to keep a bag packed in the trunk in the summer with sunscreen, hats, and water bottles (well those have to be filled fresh).

Today was day 2 of our 3 days of Memorial weekend BBQs. This one was at our house and very small. Even with just 3 families of us there were kids a plenty but they had fun, played well together and we didn't freeze even though by the early evening it was definitely cold enough for jackets. Henry and i sneaked out to a local carnival while Silas napped today and Henry had a blast! It was really the first time he's been on rides that i can think of (other than an odd carousel here or there). Some things were a little scary for him but in general he loved it and at the end of the day he said his favorite was the one he kept saying "was too scary for me!" It was a nice impromptu visit that we shoehorned into a busy and fun day.

One last vignette from the weekend-- unfortunately without any pictures. I've talked in the past about it being more of an "organized equipment rental" rather than a "class" but this time was totally different. There was a new coach and he actually led them in a class. He started out by hitting them balls, alternating where they went so that the kids got into the rhythm of waiting for a ball to come in there area rather than all running after the same ball. This was crucial for Henry. Previously he had hated "fielding" because he never gets to the ball first and this oftentimes prompts him to throw his glove and storm off the field (something we're clearly working on.) Next up was hitting until the coach realized the kids really needed to figure out the bases. So he made them line up and run the bases several times. Then back to hitting but he had everyone in the outfield and each child come up one at a time. He helped them with their stance and how to hold the bat. Really-- was this so much to ask from a class? I'm just hoping that guy is there next week. If we can keep him for the last few weeks of the class, i think Henry will really get something out of it. Next up are swim lessons that start in the middle of June. I've decided my philosophy right now is to try to have him try as many different activities as possible. I figure this way it broadens his skills and also lets him decide later what he really likes and wants to focus on.

Pirate Party

2009-05-11T22:07:00.005-05:00

We hosted an (ill-timed) pirate party for our 4 and 2 year old sons and i wanted to share our party preparations back with the internet. Many of my initial ideas came from various web pages i saw so i felt like i'd like to both a) give back and b) show off a bit; isn't that what the web is all about?

Invitations:
I used the suggestion you'll see most everywhere to tea-dye paper and write the invitations on this paper. We found what worked best through some trial and error. It turns out regular old lipton definitely work best. Green tea and mugicha are just too light. Tear the paper when it's too wet. I soaked two sheets at a time in a baking sheet and then put them on wire racks to dry. My 4-year old helped with this process and had a ball. I made some extra sheets for invite mishaps and to write the treasure hunt clues.

Pirate Costumes:
I had some scarves left over from an international trip. I didn't have enough for everyone so i split the scarves in half and sewed up the edges. The kids tied the sashes around their waist. I made some eye patches out of felt, used an ice pick to poke a hole in the sides and tied some skinny elastic in the holes. I really made the elastic too tight but figured the kids would just tuck them in their sashes or wear them around their neck-- which they did. My mother-in-law found a treasure trove of old beaded necklaces and i gave each child two necklaces. The remaining "booty" we used to decorate the table. I also made pirate hats from this pattern (http://www.kidscraftweekly.com/pirates2_issue.html) and added feathers to the hats.

I had all the parts of the costumes lined-up and as the kids arrived i let them pick a scarf with all the rest of the costume. I measured the child's head and stapled the hat band-- voila! They were off to my my mother-in-law for the crafts table.

Crafts:
In advance i made some spy glasses. I collected paper towel tubes and toilet paper tubes. For the toilet paper tubes i used two and rolled-up thick paper inside both of the toilet paper tubes. I cut-out squares of cellophane, covered the ends of the tubes, and put rubber bands around the cellophane. Then i covered the tubes with brown construction paper. These were all pre-made and on the table. We also had jeweled stickers, other stickers, etc for the kids to decorate the spy glasses. I had planned to print out some coloring sheets but just ran out of time.

Activities:

The kids then started to play outside and then we moved on to the "planned" activities. First i did the treasure hunt. I made a treasure-chest by painting a shoe-box with a hinged top all black-- just with acrylic paint. Once it dried i "painted" the shape of a lock on the front of the box and coated it with gold glitter. I made little envelopes out of blue construction paper, put gold coins inside each envelope, wrote each child's name on the envelopes, sealed them with gold wax, and put them in the treasure box.

I wrote out three clues for the treasure hunt (the kids were aged 2-6, although it was mostly 3-6 year olds doing the treasure hunt.) The first one said something along the lines of "as any good pirate should know, this is where the tomatoes grow." The next clue was in the raised-bed and said something about the clue being by the front gate. The last clue took them to the pirate box. I wish i had done several more clues-- probably about 6-8 total. The treasure hunt was the kids' favorite part of the party and i should have dragged it out longer.

Afterwards i attempted a "walk the plank" game but my plank wasn't really balanced and this didn't work out so well. I should have had a longer plank and some concrete blocks or something-- for some reason i used paint cans-- but the little ones. I covered everything with a blue sheet.

Cake:

I made a chocolate cake with chocolate icing from the Kings Arthur cookbook. I highly recommend the cake recipe (which also works as cupcakes) although like all icing, i found the icing too sweet. I basically used the Betty Crocker pirate template which uses 8 and 9 inch cake pans (http://www.bettycrocker.com/Recipes/Recipe.aspx?recipeId=40763) It turned out great and was delicious too. Although we were worried that for 10 kids and 17 adults the cake wasn't big enough and we supplemented with a double-batch of cupcakes-- just one would have sufficed.

Decorations:

I bought two black sheets from the thrift store. One i folded over and painted Happy Birthday Henry and Silas in big white letters. I printed out the letters on my printer, big enough to be basically one to a page-- cut each one out and traced around it on the black sheet with my sons' white crayon. Then i painted in the ouline using white acrylic paint. This took two evenings worth of time so i decided to not put any kind of temporary decorations on the banner so that i can re-use each year-- simply adding whatever the theme is to the banner. This year i made little pirates out of felt and pinned them on to the corners. I hung the banner on the window behind the table where the boys blew their candles out.

I used the second table cloth to cover the dining room table. We covered the table with gold coins, the extra necklaces, the treasure box, and a toy pirate ship the boys have (draped with necklaces). The food was here early in the party and this is where we did cake as well. We did black and red cups, plates, napkins and utensils mixed-in with some pirate cake plates.

Goodie Bags:

I made little gift bags out of a pirate-print exclusive to Jo-Ann. This was the least cost-effective thing i did but it was fun to make them and they were super-cute. Basically they were receptacles for the costumes and the spy glasses the kids used at the party. We also sent them home with a balloon, some stickers and a tattoo.

Really the party was a huge success. Thankfully my boys share a party for now because it was quite a bit of work!

Preschool Update

2009-05-11T21:34:00.006-05:00

From April 2009

Around the last time that i posted i had almost figured out Henry's preschool for the fall. And then i went to register him and things started to unravel again. The temporary plan i had for Henry to have quiet time while i finished my work-day after his preschool session somewhat fell apart when the preschool aide that was registering me asked what i would do when i traveled. Hmm, what would i do when i traveled?

At this point i started reconsidering everything-- including Henry and Silas' daycare. I was feeling absolutely terrible and thank goodness finally got around to calling Brenda to talk about the situation. Again she proved she's the best daycare provider ever. She listened and pretty much immediately agreed to take Henry back and forth to school every day. What more could i ask for? So crisis averted and now come fall we're planning to apply for both kindergarten and preschool for Henry and Silas so that hopefully we have a few more options.

So now Henry is enrolled in the afternoon session of preschool and if there is an opening we'll get moved up to the morning session. He's excited about his new school and he'll get a chance to ramp-up his social skills which are okay but not amazing.

We had his 4 year appointment last week and i also realized that it took awhile but we really love our pediatrician. My two concerns with Henry were his social skills and his physical development. We got a recommendation for a Pediatric therapist to have him assessed. Socially she thought he sounded like a normal but shy kid. We're going to work on prepping him for more difficult social situations and if we don't see some improvement, especially after he starts preschool we'll see about getting him assessed in that department too.

Just a small whine

2009-05-03T21:51:00.004-05:00

I really love being an adult. No really. I was never one of those people that wished for the good old days of high school or even college. The central thing i argued with my parents about when i still lived at home was responsibility (and independence of course) and i've never thought-- gee, i wish i was back to having someone take care of me.

And then Friday happened and i found myself secretly wanting to say-- "but no one TOLD me," or "how was i supposed to know!" WAAAAH.

It reminds me of a conversation i remember having with my dad when i was little about how "i didn't know" is not a valid defense when you're breaking the law (strangely enough i've had a similar conversation with Henry without any prompting of my own). At the time i was stupefied about the implication. Imagine that you're on a road trip and you have to know the laws of all the states you're driving through-- what an insane obligation! How on earth did adults do it?

Friday i found out that I had seriously underestimated the preschool registration process at our neighborhood elementary and the only slot that we had managed to land (by the hair on our chinny chin chin) is for afternoon preschool. I started with feelings of shock and denial and got stuck in pain and guilt for much of the weekend. I hope that i'm jumping over some of the more "rock bottom" stages of grief straight ahead to "reconstruction."

Our (only) plan has always been to send Henry to the preschool at our local elementary. They offer a very good half-day preschool M-F and Brenda agreed to pick him up after the morning session and bring him back to daycare. Ideal. I knew that registration was in April last year and that last year the slots didn't fill up until summer because the school is generally considered "undiscovered"-- especially compared to some of the high-profile public schools in the nearby very wealthy neighborhood.

Although i had been watching the marquis and had called the school once or twice i didn't get concrete information on when registration had started until it had been going for two and a half weeks. Fast forward to Friday when i got a call from the teacher who said that indeed there was a slot for Henry but it was in the "afternoon" session which runs from 11:45 to 2:45. The teacher was good enough to strongly recommend i register for the afternoon session and put Henry on the waiting list for the morning, which i will do on Monday.

After i got off the phone however, i was shell shocked and continued to feel worse and worse about the situation as the day and the weekend wore on. How did i miss this? HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW? How much is one person supposed to be on top of at one time? I messed up big-time and i was angry at myself and mad that i was the only one mad-- how is it that Mom's are the one's that automatically have this responsibility?

JT was helpful in talking the situation through and trying to brainstorm what we could do about it-- look into registering at some other schools, looking into some local private schools, working something out with the afternoon schedule, etc. That night i sat down to research application processes at other nearby schools and found out that for most public schools the registration deadline is December 19th the year PRIOR to enrollment. Woops. Not even any other options. I emailed a couple of schools to find out if i could get on their waiting list and one preschool teacher emailed me back to let me know that i could be added to the waiting list but that they had 200 families on the list already and our chances of getting in were slim (you think!)

I think there is a realistic chance that Henry will get into the morning class. I'll find out tomorrow just how far down the list we'll be but i think we're close to the top. The office ladies were joking about how you'd be surprised at how many parents pulled their kids out once it got cold. If he doesn't get into the morning class i think we're going to have to try out a situation that isn't ideal. I'll take Henry and Silas to daycare in the morning at 8 instead of 8:45. Brenda will take Henry to school at 11:45. I'll pick Henry up at 2:45 and he'll come home and have "quiet time" until 4:15 when we leave to pick up Silas. Again, really not ideal but i think it's workable-- especially as i've had time to come to grips with this.

The only upshot to this whole situation is that now i know how the system works for kindergarten and when it comes time to register Silas for preschool. From now on, i'm camping out for everything...

What to expect from parks district t-ball

2009-05-02T22:26:00.003-05:00

I can't say all parks district' 3-4 year old t-ball works like the class Henry is enrolled in, but Welles Park in Chicago seems to have the loosest interpretation of a class this side of the river. We missed class last week due to a baby shower and JT's meat pick up (another score for the Mazda 5--20 chickens and a 1/4 cow fit in the way back.)

This week we made it to class although it was held in the gym due to very soggy fields. The class really doesn't have an instructor-- the guy was at the front desk when we walked in but never came into the gym. The parks district provides the equipment and since it's a "parent/child" class, i think the idea is that the parents largely control the experience.

For $20 for 2 months of classes i can't really complain and the loose nature of the class fits Henry pretty well. He loves hitting and is getting pretty good at hitting the ball and not the tee. He also likes scooping up grounders with his glove. He is not so good at trying to catch balls in the outfield. Along with most of the other kids, he gets discombobulated if he goes after the ball and someone else beats him to it.

There's a large playground at the park which we've started hitting on our way out. Henry has gotten much more adventurous at playgrounds in the last month or so-- walking up steep slides, climbing up chain link ladders, jumping on the suspension bridges-- stuff that even at the start of the spring he was hesitant to do.

We managed to get some yard work done today and Henry and A got to play together some more. I'm hoping that she comes over frequently this summer. They play great together and Henry will stay outside and play much longer with a playmate.

I hope to download pictures from the camera soon but thought i would post an update when i had the time.

Birthday Success

2009-04-22T19:07:00.003-05:00

So i hope to do a rundown on the pirate party planning I did for those that might be interested. I found lots of resources for getting started on the web and made some variations that people might like to see. In the meantime i thought i'd just give an update on the actual party- a smashing success i think.

From April 2009

The guests started arriving right before 4 and Henry was already decked out in his full-pirate costume. Silas wouldn't let me get closer than a 2 foot plank so even though he had previously enjoyed dressing up with the necklaces he did not sport any for the party. As the guests arrived they got decked out in their pirate duds and made their way to the spyglass decorating table. Oma helped them decorate with gems and stickers and they seemed to enjoy this. As more kids arrived people congregated outside since it was 70 and sunny that day.

From April 2009

JT had the food ready to go so after people filled up on chicago hot dogs, small hot dogs wrapped in pastry, potato salad and cole slaw we rounded up the kids for games. First we did a treasure hunt which i think was probably one of the high points of the party. I wrote a few clues that were stashed around the yard and after the last clue they found the treasure chest. The chest was filled with individual little coin purses i sealed with wax for each child with gold coins inside. After that we did a little walk the plank game.

From April 2009

Then, cake time and presents. People loved the cake and cupcakes (which we made when the cake didn't seem big enough). Guests were very generous with the gifts and the boys have been having tons of fun since then. It's a little crazy with a whole bunch of 3-4 year olds attempting to "help" each other open the gifts. For those that stuck around we all moved outside and Cullen organized races for the kids. Next year i'm just going to have Cullen run a "field day" for the birthday party-- he doesn't know that yet though.

From April 2009

Meltdowns and Easter, thankfully not conjoined

2009-04-15T13:48:00.003-05:00

From April 2009

So a mix of good and bad to write about. Let's get the bad out of the way. Friday was just about the worst number of hours our family has gone through (although these are certainly in the running, here, here and here.)

I picked the boys up from school per usual and things immediately went downhill. Silas was crying when i got there because two parents had come just before i arrived and he was upset that each one wasn't his mommy. Henry started misbehaving right away, running away from me, not heading up to the car etc. His interplay with Silas seems key to this afternoon going awry. I was irritated and trying to be authoritative which backfired-- on me of course.

I finally *wrestled* them both into their car seats and Silas proceeded to cry strongly the entire way home. Henry was upset too and kept telling Silas to be quiet. No attempts on my part to distract with music or sightings of trains worked at this point.

From April 2009

When we got home i attempted to "reset" the mood-- at least with Henry by apologizing for getting upset and saying that i was hoping we could start over now that we were home. Silas stopped crying and i thought things were looking up. Then we got out of the car and Henry purposely started stomping on the crocuses. I told him to go inside for a time out and he lost it. He stayed lost for approximately 1.5 hours.

Soon thereafter Silas also fell apart. He wanted crackers, he didn't want crackers, he wanted crackers, NO, NO, NO. At this point he also began sobbing and screaming hysterically.

From April 2009

For the next hour and a half JT and i each had one child on a different level of the house alternately disciplining, distracting, or comforting them. Nothing seemed to work and then as suddenly as the storm came it left. By about 7 both boys were happily playing after finally eating some semblance of dinner. JT and i just looked at each other shell-shocked.

In the midst of everything i called Brenda to find out if something happened at school. All she could come up with was that Silas did get upset waiting for me to pick them up and Henry didn't nap. She said there were only 5 of them there that day so they got plenty of attention and she didn't think anything escaped her notice. She even called back to check about an hour later after she had talked to her sister. Thankfully we were doing better by then.

From April 2009

Now that some time has past i think Silas was reaching a peak of his start (gulp) of the terrible twos. He wants what he wants when he wants it and he just lost the ability to calm himself down. I also think that Henry is sensitive to Silas and feeds off the negative or positive energy he exudes. Henry also seems more... threatened, challenged (?) by Silas now that he's becoming a "big boy" himself. We're trying to set aside more special time for Henry and have been emphasizing the good parts of their relationship to one another.

The upside was that every upset since this nuclear attack has seemed mild in comparison.

And now i'm about out of time. Easter was very nice. The boys woke me up Sunday morning and did a little egg hunt to find their easter baskets. They happily explored the contents (which i'll admit was a little practical this year) and then we headed over to Tiffany and Mike's for Easter brunch and an egg hunt. All the kids had fun finding the eggs but we were nice enough to give the littlest ones a head start.

From April 2009

Henry in particular had a great time and told me that he wanted Mario Race Cart for his birthday and a real fish tank. We talked about how he could have a fish tank when he was a little older and he said "yes, when i'm 8." He also told me that Tiffany could buy it for him when he's 8 so if you're reading this you're on notice :)

We're knee-deep in preparations for the boys "ill-timed" pirate party and a visit from Oma and Opa. I hope to have lots more to report and pictures up next week.

Concerns of a 2 and (almost) 4 year old

2009-04-03T21:01:00.001-05:00

From March 2009

So i've been traveling again, and another trip at the end of the weekend (just a one nighter) so i have a lot of random things i've been wanting to update folks on but no unifying theme. Thought i'd go ahead and put this together now while i'm watching Silas take a bath and before Henry gets down from playing his nightly allotment of computer games on pbskids.org.

Let's see while Silas still says a very cute "yes" if say you call and talk to him on the phone (the key is a series of yes/no questions), he also seems to prefer "no?" when you ask him most anything in his actual presence. "Silas do you want pasta or soup for dinner?" No? It's cute and maddening. That pretty much sums up very small children.

From March 2009

Henry is either very helpful and respectful or obstinate and stubborn. Sometimes it depends on the day-- he can have a good or bad run for hours at a time. But more likely it varies by the half hour or minute. He's been loving art projects of all kinds for awhile but has had renewed interest in collages with random objects. He also has gotten back on a real book binge and loves watching movies or videos-- especially if they are about nature. Shows on volcanoes and "Blue Planet" are in high rotation lately.

Silas has figured out how to open doors (although honestly he did that awhile back) and just this week can now open the gate at the top of the stairs. He does fine on the stairs by himself, as long as he remembers to go down backwards. At least they are carpeted. Silas is also very, very into his babies.

The binky fairy came last Sunday (thanks to Tabitha and Cullen for reminding me) and was hugely successful. We put Silas to bed without his binky and when he woke up he had a new baby doll. The baby has a binky and a bottle and we talked about how now that he's a big boy he didn't need the binkies (pai in his pronunciation) anymore and that he takes care of his baby now. He's asked a few times for his "pai" since then, but always repeats our sentiments in his own words: "big boy, bye-bye binky, daddy, baby." So now we're pai free.

I'll have plenty of pictures to post soon but for now here's the text post.

The Ear Tubes are In

2009-03-25T20:27:00.003-05:00

From March 2009

Today was the Silas' scheduled surgery to get ear tubes inserted in both ears. If you look up information about ear tubs (there's a good overview of infections and tubes here) you'll see they aren't really tubes at all-- more like little flat disks with a whole in them. They're tiny but the point is to drain the fluid that in Silas' case has been hanging around at least 4 months.

The timing of the surgery couldn't have been better. We were to arrive at the hospital at 9:15 and the surgery was scheduled for 10:45 am. Silas couldn't eat after last night but he could have clear liquids up until 7:30 this morning. Included in the "clear liquid" category was juice (a rare treat at our house) and jello. So the boys both had a "hospital morning" breakfast of juice and jello and then we were off to drop Henry at school and take Silas on to the hospital.

Silas was in great spirits and not the least bit upset all morning while we went to the hospital, got settled in our room, got Silas in his gown and his vitals checked. He loved the sliding glass doors that separated each room and they helped to pass the time while we waited. We talked everything over with a few anesthesiologists and his mild cold was considered within the normal range and not a reason to cancel the surgery. After meeting with the Dr. and another anesthesiologist we were all ready to go.

From March 2009

It really helped having gone through surgery with Henry before. I asked if i could take Silas back and the anesthesiologist agreed. Silas did get upset as we started to walk down to the operating room although they let me carry him and i'm sure he would have been more upset if i wasn't there. When we got into the operating room he calmed down and the nurses and the anesthesiologist were great with him. I have to say i've never had anything other than amazing experiences at Children's Hospital. It took just a minute or two while he breathed in the strawberry gas to fall asleep. He was quiet while it was happening, stroking his bunny and baby and with his pacifier. They're really wonderful about accommodating all the soothing loveys kids have. I was taken back to meet JT and we went to the waiting room.

They told us the procedure was so quick that we should stay put rather than going to get something to eat. I didn't look at the clock but i would guess it was 20 minutes before they were calling us back. We met with the Dr. who told us everything went fine, that ear drum had been pushed back, most probably because the fluid had been there a very long time. He said normally this wasn't a problem but that sometimes it could cause the tubes to fall out early. So, we'll just have to wait and see.

A few more minutes passed and then we got to go back to see Silas who had already woken up. He was cuddling with a nurse and quiet but heaving as if he had been sobbing. They said he had been really upset and just kept calling for "mommy." He was very sweet and just wanted to cuddle and be held. They said some kids were very difficult to console when they came out of anesthesia so it was nice that he was looking for some much cuddling. After a few minutes we got to go to a recovery room with Silas and he really settled down at that point. He sat in my lap and watched "Diego" which was on tv and decided he was all for the apple juice and animal crackers that had been offered to him.

By the time the show was over we were getting the discharge instructions and we were all done and leaving the hospital by a little after noon. You really would not have know that he had surgery basically from the minute we left the hospital. He napped like normal and was his usual active self all evening.

Henry on the other hand was a basket case today. Very emotional, quick to get frustrated and break down, temper tantrums, the works. So maybe he was just acting out on Silas' behalf. We're not sure but we're hoping tomorrow goes more smoothly. All expectations are that everyone will be back at school tomorrow.

Birthday Planning

2009-03-19T19:22:00.003-05:00

From March 2009

I know i stopped abruptly last night. I had a lot of updates to provide and i literally ran out of steam. I've been having to work most evenings and after the dishes and a load of laundry are done that's just about all i can muster.

So, now i've got some time but i'm not sure i'll remember what updates i wanted to provide. Let's see-- oh yes birthdays! We're anticipating Silas turning 2 about a week from now. We're going to have a small celebration with family that night and i hope going to go to Monkey Island Saturday morning. We've got Kerala's birthday party that afternoon and i run the Shamrock Shuffle on Sunday so it's more than a full weekend.

Then two weeks later we'll be having our third annual "Chicago hot dog" party for both boys. Henry settled on a pirate theme and we've been having lots of fun researching ideas and brainstorming our own as well. We're looking forward to JT's parents visiting and being able to help us out with the party.

From March 2009

Silas is on schedule to get his ear tubes next Wednesday. We had his pre-op physical today and of course he's congested so we're supposed to keep an eye on it and come back in if the cough gets worse or he has a fever. Hopefully it will clear up on his own and he'll be able to go ahead with the tubes as planned.

I'm surprised it's taken this long but Silas is in a wicked "no" phase. We just recently passed out of the "mine" phase so i guess this is the logical progression. I have to say he says "no" in a really, really cute way. I need to start video-taping some things again. If i can find a few moments i'll try to post some video in the next few weeks.

We can almost taste the spring

2009-03-18T22:31:00.003-05:00

From March 2009

Planting is still a long way off for us, but i did throw down some more grass seed in the backyard and we've hit a streak of high forties/low-fifties sporadically up into the sixties and seventies. We've all capitalized on any warm weather that's come our way by making frequent trips to the park, walking to dinner, and debuting the bubble train!

Silas is particularly obsessed with being outside and is often inconsolable when he finds out you're not going to the park. We decided to go out to dinner last night and while Silas rode in the stroller Henry walked the whole way there and back-- just over 2 miles. We had more than one conversation about trying to find enough energy but he did great. We're hoping to get him more and more comfortable walking long distances soon. It's almost hard to imagine a time in the somewhat near future when we won't need a stroller anymore!

From March 2009

The big news is that Silas has to get tubes put in his ear because of persistent fluid. He goes for his pre-op physical tomorrow and then gets the tubes put in next Wednesday the 25th. The surgery itself is very straightforward and only about 15 minutes, but the do use general anesthesia which of course we wish none of us had to go through again. Not only does the fluid lead to frequent ear infections, but a hearing test revealed a pretty profound loss of hearing in both ears due to the fluid. My understanding is that once the fluid is drained his hearing should return to normal and hopefully we'll see some improvements in his speech development.

From March 2009

I'll try to post more soon but i'm exhausted now so heading to bed. There are new pictures up in the March album on Picasa.

There will come a time when we can get out of the house

2009-03-04T21:11:00.003-06:00

I know truly warm weather is awhile off. Chicago doesn't have much of a spring if you are looking for 60 degree days (although we're supposed to have one tomorrow). You have to be content with the 40s and 50s with some warmer days thrown in. But really, as long as you aren't silly enough to think you can stop wearing your coat, that's fine. We can definitely stop by the park on the way home from school or take bike ride around the block before getting dinner. We can certainly let the boys play in the back yard a bit on their own (as we peer frequently out the window.)

All of these things are coming, and we're excited. We do have to figure out what to do with transport options for the boys this year. Last summer Henry got to where he was completely proficient on his tricycle even without assistance. Silas was happy to ride in his wagon unless he was trying to touch the moving wheels. This year Henry is too big for the tricycle and Silas keeps exclaiming "mine!" when he sees it (that's a pattern with Silas of late.)

Clearly it's time to get Henry a bike. The only question is whether to go the traditional tiny kids bike with training wheels which essentially is like a tricycle or to go with a more European-style balance bike that actually allows to learn how to balance gradually. I know that the balance bike would be best physically for Henry-- but will he think it's as cool as the other boys at the park with spider man bikes? I'm not sure yet and i'm hoping we'll get a chance to see how strongly he feels about one type of bike over another as we're outside more in the next several weeks.

2009-02-21T14:43:00.002-06:00

I know i haven't been keeping everyone very up to date. I think i mentioned that i got a promotion at work, which has been great, but even fully staffed i was going to have one less staff person working for me than my old boss had working for him. On top of that, the other FT person quit in September and we're still in the process of replacing him. So, i have my old job to do, the other Research Associate's job, and the new job. It's a lot and i'm busier than i've ever been before which means working many evenings instead of updating all of you.

But, a few quick moments to catch people up. We've had some ups and downs medically with Silas lately. Right now he's got more going on medically than a 23 month old should! He had been referred to an ENT because of persistent fluid in his ears. The next step is tubes-- we have an appointment in 2 weeks to find out how quickly we need to get it scheduled. At the same appointment we found out that Silas has a fungal infection on his head that he got scratched until now it's bacterially infected. So, 10 days of antibiotics and then 8 WEEKS! of antifungal medicine. We also now have to use special shampoo on the bumps.

To top it off, he threw up last night in his crib. I'm not sure what that was about. He hasn't had a fever and has acted normally all day. So we'll keep an eye on him.

Henry is well for now and had another great soccer class. He's getting so good at "trapping" the ball with his foot and generally keeping the ball close to him. I think next week is our last class and then in a few weeks we're going to start a class through the parks district. It will depend what i can get him signed up for but i'm looking at t-ball and a "hit, throw, run" class. Either of which i think he would do well with. He has asked about an art class as well so i'll have to see if that's something i can find for him-- maybe later in the summer.

I'm home for 2 weeks now so i hope to have some pictures sooner or later and some more posts.

We get some expert help...

2009-02-03T21:43:00.002-06:00

In the two to three years before i got pregnant with Henry i was what they call "baby crazy." I was obsessed with having a baby and i channeled the delay before we were both ready into reading absolutely everything i could get my hands on. I was still supporting us both while JT went to law school so i read every parenting book in the Chicago library system and pretty much every book on the shelves of the Barnes and Noble-- while nestled into their comfy chairs.

By the time i actually got pregnant, i was basically done with pregnancy books and focused all my efforts on books about infancy, childcare, and toddlers. When Henry was actually born and had his various ailments including colic and sleep troubles-- i read what i could find on those topics as well. Once we thankfully moved on from these i was a bit burned out on reading and for approximately the past 3.5 years i've mostly winged it.

I have a monthly subscription to a parenting magazines so i'm up on the latest child-rearing sound bites. And i have a resident early-childhood expert on speed dial so i wasn't completely out of touch, but mostly we've felt pretty good about being able to tackle what came based on our own ideas and approaches.

But then, in the past several months we started having some real behavioral challenges with Henry. Nothing completely out of the ordinary but unpleasant all the same. He's defiant, easily upset, sometimes sulky and was starting to throw some serious tantrums. I'm a very patient person and i don't have that much of a temper. And yet, i was finding myself irritated a lot and getting angry and even, gasp-- yelling more and more. Between Henry's phase and Silas' normal toddler antics i felt like we just weren't doing the best we could-- for them and us!

So i've checked another round of books out from the library and the first one i read; "Mom I Hate You: Children's Provocative Communication," has proven extremely helpful. The author is a Psychiatrist and the books deals with helping you understand why kids say things that press our buttons and how to deal with these situations in a way that takes power away from provocative statements and teaches them how to behave better. We're experiencing pretty dramatic improvements with Henry just by using some of the initial approaches he suggests. Next up is a book called "Positive Discipline" so i'll let you know how that one goes.

It's how you play the game...

2009-02-01T14:15:00.002-06:00

I was talking with a good friend the other day about what we want for our kids-- kind of a big talk but we were focused on just how we're trying to get the important stuff impressed on our kids. For me it's not so much about what but how. Of course there are deeply held values and beliefs i'm trying to pass on to them (primarily in the fields of kindness, respect for our bodies, community and the environment, and thrift) but equally as important to me is that they learn the process of thinking, problem-solving and decision-making.

So although i was thrilled that Obama won and am nothing if not a liberal, we didn't talk a whole lot about who we were supporting around election time. For Henry's first introduction to politics i put the emphasis firmly on the process. What does "election" mean, how do elections work, how does voting work?

Henry accompanied me to the polls and got to participate directly by helping me push the "next" button. As he and Silas get older they'll be able to participate in elections and other civic processes in more advanced ways. Sure, that would be great if we shared political views when they're all grown up, but i'd be happiest if i inculcated an appreciation of democracy and the democratic process.

At the same time i realize 3 going on 4 is an amazing time to lay the groundwork for topics that might come off as "preaching" a bit later. Henry is a sponge and really wants to know about everything. The challenge is how to talk about not smoking, not drinking too much, exercising, helping others, etc. in a way that is age-appropriate and not out of left field. It helps to live in an urban environment where you're shoulder to shoulder with outcomes and actions that you don't really want for your kids. But, i'm always looking for new angles. I figure we've only got another year or two left before all of this brings responses like "oh mom!"

Advice from the Doc

2009-01-28T22:18:00.003-06:00

As long as Silas and I have spent some time with our respective doctors lately, i thought i'd share some useful and interesting tidbits we picked up along the way. Silas and i both came down with colds near the end of last week. I thought i was getting ahead of it and felt like i was doing about all i could by going to bed promptly at 8:30 every night and resting during naptime on the weekend. But alas, it turned into a sinus infection and by Monday i knew i was done for and headed off to the Dr.

One of the things i like about my Doctor is that he gives you printed specific information for ailments that you've had a zillion times-- and it doesn't just say to drink fluids and rest.

Well it does say that, but then it has several specific medications listed for various symptoms and he circles the best ones for me. He told me to take aleve for any body aches, to take Mucinex D for the congestion, and at night to take benadryl. This time it was all in my head but in the past when it's gone to my chest he's prescribed an inhaler as well.

I thought the Mucinex was just for your chest but he explained that's the Mucinex DM (umm, i think they need to work on their product differentiation strategy!) but the guaifenesin in Mucinex D helps break it up wherever it is-- sinus or chest. I asked what i could do to avoid a cold always turning into an infection. He said the usual supsects of rest and fluids are important and that some people are more prone to getting infections, but to throw the medications at your symptoms at the first sign. Not only can they help you feel better but they can prevent mucus from forming and holding on becoming a breeding ground for bacterial infections.

All day Monday i was feeling guilty and wondering if i had made the right decision to send Silas to school. He definitely had a cold (primarily head congestion) but from his temperament you wouldn't know he was sick really. That night his mucus was green which is always described as the warning flag and i guessed the fluid was still in his ear. So, i called and managed to get him in for an evening appointment. Turns out he doesn't have an infection (so i guess the green mucus isn't so reliable after all) but she unhelpfully told me that of course with the fluid there it could turn into an infection at anytime. Great-- so i get to keep being paranoid.

She did help me understand why there's basically no medications you can give to toddlers even with severe congestion like Silas has. She said that repeated studies have shown adults' symptoms being reduced by medication but similar studies in children showing no effect. And i know our regular Doctor told me last time that there were some studies that showed an *increased* incidence of ear infections in infants and toddlers given benadryl. So, at least i have the medical literature backup. But it still doesn't feel right with an arsenal of meds at my side and only saline solution, humidifiers and warm baths for Silas.

Stay tuned. Now that we're recovered and almost caught up on laundry and dishes, i hope to get some pictures of Silas' haircut. You were too polite to say but you'll note that his hair had become epic in the pictures from my last post.

Perfect Weekend

2009-01-19T21:45:00.002-06:00

Not that everything went perfectly but the structure of this weekend was truly perfect-- two normal weekend days, a bonus holiday with the kids and JT to go to the museum and a super bonus day just for me to get all the stuff done around the house that was in no way going to happen during the other days. This makes me think that from now on after a vacation or trip i'm going to send the boys back to school and plan one extra day for me to just to get everything back in order.

I think it's time for a general update. It seems to go in spurts but we enjoyed an awesome weekend of 8 am + wakeups for the whole family. That meant we didn't make it to soccer class on Saturday, but we sure did enjoy our extra sleep.

Silas went to the Doctor for an ear check today and he still has fluid in his right ear. We have to go back in another 4 weeks. At that point if he still has fluid we have to go to an ENT and i'm guessing that means ear tubes. So, we'll just have to wait and see. There's a few upsides, although Silas has had a few colds since his last ear infection, none of them have really stuck around. Which is actually great because not only does it delay any visit to the ENT, but it means Silas isn't in pain. We also had a speech update and we're doing well. Silas is up to about 25 words, a handful of signs and he's starting to "parrot" language. He needs to be up to 50 words by 2 but at least we're making some really good forward progress.

What about when they swarm you?

2009-01-15T20:32:00.002-06:00

Somehow in the last few weeks the boys had converging phases of difficulty that managed to overwhelm all our parental patience and skill some evenings. Henry continues to be defiant and sassy and we were struggling with epic MAD meltdowns that were just spiraling out of control. Even though we were setting timers, giving him warnings before transitions, he just couldn't handle it when a favorite activity was curtailed. We finally decided that a serious contributing factor was video games before bed. He just seemed to be unable to control himself when he got upset about having to stop and we endured a few hour long tantrum/meltdowns before we banned video game to weekend afternoons. He's no sweet angel all the time but so far so good on the utter meltdown messes we had endured. He's been doing well at school and he got "twenty thumbs up" from his babysitter last night so i know he saves the really juicy bits of naughtiness for us.

Silas just about did us in there for a bit. We got locked in an epic power-struggle over seating arrangements for meals. As it turns out Silas is possibly more stubborn (hard-headed as they say at school) than any of the rest of us. He very clearly did not want to sit in his booster seat to eat meals anymore. He wanted to sit in the regular chairs which he can get himself up and down from on his own now. This would be all fine and good, and we do let him sit in the chairs to read books or play at the table, but he's constantly standing up in them testing us and has fallen off more than once. It's essentially impossible to let him eat dinner in the chair without him making a serious mess and most likely impaling himself on a plastic spoon.

As the days wore on i tried to make a tea party with stuffed animals in all the other seats, i switched the placement of his seat with mine, nothing worked. The first night he got so upset and couldn't calm down that he just asked to go to bed-- sans dinner. The second night he finally did calm down and sit in his chair but only after we gave him his pacifier and baby. On the third day JT had the idea of resurrecting the little table and chairs. It's not been a perfect solution-- we now have to constantly get Silas to sit back down until he's done eating. But at least for now we're not losing our minds over the iron will of someone that doesn't reach our knee caps.

Trytobe Athlete

2009-01-12T16:53:00.003-06:00

There's something about certain occupations that leaves lots of folks intimidated. I guess because they aren't credentialed and accredited. You know if your a Doctor because you have a medical degree, ditto for lawyers and bus drivers. But aside from professional athletes, there is a whole class of people that aspire to be athletes and fall somewhere on the scale of declared amateur athletes to tentatively aspiring athletes. Lots of people say they're a wannabe runner, swimmer, triathlete, insert activity here. I've decided to be a tytobe athlete. I'm just doing my best, working my training as a priority into my life but not taking on goals i can't handle.

After running an exhilarating 8K race on Thanksgiving i decided to sign-up for Chicago's March 8K Shamrock Shuffle race to try to improve my time and then for the sprint distance (half) triathlon in August.

I'm a very disciplined sort of person. It doesn't take me paying for an expensive gym, a personal trainer or a boot-camp to get out there and exercise. But, I have found that i do push myself further and prioritize my workouts more when i have an actual race to prepare for. First of all it's a definite time period, i.e. here's my 8 week workout plan. Also, i've been signing up with friends so there's a little peer pressure to respond to if i wimp out.

For now i just know that i'm out there doing my run in 28 degree weather because at 6 degrees tomorrow is going to have to be my gym cardio day. And when i work up to my longer runs in weeks 5-7 i'll have to schedule them during naptime on the weekends-- sacred time. It's worth it because i feel awesome and look forward to introducing the boys to race culture when they're a little older.

Holidays with Small Children, grand and exhausting

2009-01-06T19:48:00.004-06:00

We were lucky enough to rap up another year with family visiting for Christmas and then a week-long trip with friends to a house in nearby MI for New Years. Both were fun and exhausting and i can't tell you how much more relaxing going back to work Monday morning felt. This is the first year that being off the boys' routine seemed to be a real factor to contend with.

I don't know if it was just coincidental or what but Henry has entered a very defiant phase in which he frequently says no to whatever is being suggested and often breaks down or gets mopey at the slightest hint of things not going his way. It takes a significant amount of parental effort not to lose it on an hourly basis and to balance funny and cajoling with "i mean it" discipline. It was hard to tell how much of his meltdowns over Christmas were due to being over stimulated and what was just this phase he's in. Anyhow the extra hands were appreciated and it was of course fun to see everyone open their gifts together. Unfortunately our visiting family took turns being sick during their stay but we all amazingly stayed well for the most part.

We spent New Year's week with three other couples with kids. It was mayhem and after all the kids were asleep a ton of fun. We had a few outings to the outlet mall and lots of games of hearts as well as a favorite ice cream treat called chunky monkeys. The boys had a short outing to the lake where they enjoyed tromping around on the snow covered sand and throwing stones into the snow.

Now that we're back to our routine we almost have our sleep schedules back to normal and the house somewhat put back together. I got a promotion at work that took effect Monday so i've been feeling my way through a job that's mostly known to me with some new challenges and JT is working on a case that looks slotted for trial. So we're busy and doing well and just hoping we have only light snowfall for a bit!

Sleep Training- A Response

2008-12-16T11:19:00.003-06:00

I have a good friend that is embroiled in sleep-training her little one. We had our fair share of sleep-training with both Henry and Silas (who were difficult in different ways) and I've managed to become somewhat of an expert on some different techniques for the grueling process. Lots of people don't agree with any version of sleep training but we do. JT and I believe that you're teaching a child how to sleep well for the rest of their lives. Tammy posted some sleep training questions and i thought i would use this post to provide my answers to them. For the record there are two sleep books i would absolutely read: The first is Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child and if you happen to have a non-colicky baby the book 12 Hours Sleep in 12 Weeks.

1. Do we set up our pre-training “bedtime” environment? Do we turn on white noise, let her turn on her crib aquarium, leave music playing, dim lights? Or is now the time to simplify our sleep “crutches”? (we left our set-up the same)

You need a routine for bedtime. It can be very simple. If you already have one continue to do it. If you want to inject one additional thing (i think the white noise would be great especially given question 7) but i wouldn't add any additional steps before you actually put her down to sleep.

2. What if she poops/pees?
I thought she had pooped one night so I changed her. It turned out to just be pee, but it probably was good to wake her up a smidge after the feeding anyway.

If she poops you need to change her. No worries if it's just a wet diaper. It's nice not to have to change her but if you do you do and it's not a deal breaker. Unless you have reason to suspect she's got a dirty diaper after you feed her, i would change her before you feed her so that she's already drowsy and ready to go back to sleep after you feed her.

3. What about naps? Do we do sleep training for her daytime naps? We can NEVER get her to take naps. Still completely unresolved.

If she's having a hard time with naps you will most likely want to sleep train her with naps as well. Speaking from personal experience, i would wait to work on naps until you've got the nighttime ironed out pretty well. Weissbluth offers sleep research to indicate that daytime and nighttime sleep are neurologically different. Therefore using sleep training techniques at night and not during the day isn't actually confusing. Based on some of the same research though, daytime sleep is more difficult to "train." Ideally you will be healthy and have some good nighttime sleep under your belt before you attempt nap training. You must read the Weissbluth book before you get started because you will have many questions about how to do this.

4. Does the method recommend that you go completely cold turkey with no feeding at night? Or do you ease into sleeping through the night?

I've actually not read Ferber's book so i can't attest to his method. Depending on the age of the child and if there are any weight gain issues i think it's a choice about what strategy works best regarding night-time feedings. My personal preference and what i think is easiest to implement is to follow the steps that are outlined in the 12 weeks book and that i shorthanded below to lengthen the times between nighttime feedings and then work on phasing them out all together.

5. How to extend the period of time between feedings? What if she falls sleep during these nighttime feedings?

The 12 hours sleep in 12 weeks book offers step by step guidance for how to lengthen the time between nighttime feedings and eventually work on phasing them out all together. First she tells you to keep a log for a few days of at what times she's eating now and for how long. Then you work on a two-pronged strategy to lengthen the time between the feedings and shorten the feedings until you've eliminated each one.

From your post i think she's eating twice a night roughly around 1 am and 4 am. You set those as your new goalposts and you never feed her earlier than that. If she wakes up earlier you use your toolbox (could be letting her cry, giving her a pacifier, patting her, etc.-- see the book for a complete discussion of different techniques), to get her to the goalposts you set. The idea is to always move the ball forward and not let them creep backwards. If she wakes up and eats at 1:30 am tomorrow that becomes your new goalpost. Basically the idea is if she did it once she can do it again.

You also note how long she's eating. If she eats for 15 minutes at each feeding you start there. Every few days you reduce the amount of time by 2-3 minutes. If at any point she eats for less than that (and doesn't wake up with some gentle prodding) that's your new "time limit." There's something i'm forgetting about the order with which you phase out the feedings. So you're just going to have to read the book!

6. Is it ok if they fall asleep while you’re nursing them, then you wake them back up when they’re in the crib?

Weissbluth argues that it's fine if they fall asleep while they're nursing. It's a normal response to a totally soothing and relaxing ritual. You don't have to undergo any shock treatments to fully wake them up while putting them in the crib. Just lay them down normally so if they wake up they wake up but you're not setting out to arouse them from their peaceful slumber.

7. Should we be “extra quiet” in the rest of the house? We live in a small 1 bedroom floor-thru apartment, and I know Sadie sleeps at daycare when there are toddlers screaming about. So, should we get her to sleep with our standard-noise-level, or do we just need to learn to turn our standard-noise-level down? (we put headphones on to watch tv and tip-toed around the house)

No, you shouldn't be extra quiet. I would recommend the white noise machine (or waves or any other kind of soothing sound machine) to give her some buffer but she needs to be used to sleeping with normal night noises. This will help in the long-run if you ever want her to be able to sleep if it's not perfectly quiet. This won't help if you want to have friends over, and it also won't help if she's at camp sharing bunkbeds and the crickets are too loud.

Finally-- in addition to telling you that you really need to read the books, i'm also going to suggest that you try moving Sadie's bedtime up by 15 minutes and see what happens. Especially if she's struggling with naps i have a feeling she's overtired which makes getting them to sleep that much harder. Reach Weissbluth and we'll talk some more.

Finally, finally from one parent that has gone through this to another: this is hard. It's hard because it's terrible to hear your baby cry, it's terrible to know that the situation before wasn't good and there's no going back, but to not be able to see clear to the other side. It's terrible because as you noted, all the crying and the not knowing and the wondering and the questions sets you on edge, and your partner on edge. Call for support when you need it, read some books so that you've got an expert weighing in with the advantages of a good sleeper, and take breaks from the sleep training. You can take turns walking around the block or running to the drugstore just to get some distance from the crying.

Christmas Prep

2008-12-15T19:17:00.003-06:00

From December 2008

We're getting ready to welcome our families for Christmas and involved in prepping for that as well as helping the boys celebrate the season.

Henry has been really into the advent calendar that i made last year. He gets to put up a new felt ornament on the santa calendar every morning. He's been doing a great job remembering and we use it to count down the number of days to Christmas-- which showed me he can reliably count to 15 for example.

Tonight we made snowflakes and this weekend at our friends' annual Christmas party we're going to do a gift exchange and the kids get to make gingerbread houses which we've done most every year since Henry was born. It's fun to have these traditions with friends and family because it's a great way to mark time. When we first started the gingerbread houses i think there was Carys, Henry and Helen. Last year Silas was too little to participate and this year baby Walker will be sleeping nearby if i had to predict.

We've decided the keys to success doing "gingerbread" houses with very little folk is to a) use graham crackers (who has time to bake gingerbread), b) give each kid a baking sheet covered in tin foil, contains mess, is a nice base for the house and enables you to transport them back home when you're done. While Tab and i construct the houses and glue them together with icing we give each child a few graham crackers on their tray to ice and decorate. They can eat what they decorate and when they're done the house is usually dry enough to decorate.

From December 2008

By the way, we made some progress with soccer. Henry is still usually at the back of the class but he's loving it and i saw him make a goal right at the end when they each get to practice kicking the ball into the goal. We staved Silas off from his baby until after class and even though he whined through most of the games he asked for more after each one. I predict he'll tolerate more and more each week until he decides it's actually fun.

Vignettes

2008-12-07T20:16:00.002-06:00

Henry and Silas are enrolled in soccer class for the winter and we had our first session on Saturday. I think the highlight for Silas was getting his uniform, although he momentarily put his bunny down long-enough to stack up the cones. As you might guess, the 18-24 month class is less about running and trying to kick the ball and more about playing games that are somehow soccer related. There was a lot of stomping on bubbles, ball play, and the parachute which seemed to scare all but the most dare devilish of the little ones.

Henry had a blast in his class which was his first "independent" class, i.e. Dad sat on the sideline and could have even brought coffee. Whenever i looked over Henry was at the back of the group but he loved it and seemed to have a coach paying him special attention. He's on the youngest end of the 3.5-5 year old class so i figure he's got a long time to get proficient running wind sprints and dribbling the ball.

Back to Silas and his bunny-- he's still very attached to bunny and rubbing it's ears against his nose is his primary means of falling asleep. But, now we've added another friend a little stuffed "baybee" that we're also carting around everywhere. I can't figure out if i've got a soft-spot for lovees or if Henry and Silas were just more attached to their transitional objects. Either way my pockets are overstuffed.

We got the Christmas tree up this weekend as well as the lighted garland we put up outside. When Henry asked about the garland and i told him what we were doing he replied, "garland is my favorite color!" He test-drove his snow pants and coat and was more than thrilled to get to use Dad's snow shovel. When we were decorating the Christmas tree we experimented with me raising him up to put the star on top but alas, he still wasn't tall enough. Henry asked if he could put the star on the tree when he's 14. Next year i'll have to remember to haul up the step ladder for him so he doesn't have to wait that long.

My latest obsessions

2008-11-30T23:06:00.002-06:00

So, i've fallen off the posting wagon. I promise to get back on shortly but first i thought i'd tell you what's been keeping me away from the old computer at night. First and foremost there has been the continuing saga of Silas ear infections that won't quite go away (although i think we may have finally found the right antibiotic). Then there's the Christmas decorations to be putting up, the Christmas gifts to be making (i'm getting into needle felting and i'm attempting to make superhero capes for the boys.) Right, of course there's Christmas shopping and then there's www.etsy.com-- my true obsession for the last many weeks.

For those of you that aren't familiar with etsy.com, it's a site similar to Amazon but for the sale of handmade goods. Each seller has their own page or "store" but they're all set up to look the same and navigate the same. You can search in a myriad of ways but one of the best time-wasters i've found yet is the "pounce" feature under by. It shows you a list of 10 items that were just purchased from various stores in the last few minutes as well as several other listings from those stores. Of course you can pop over to the stores to check them out and save stores or specific items to your favorites for later.

It's fun, it's different stuff than you'll see in the mall or a catalog, and did i mention it's addictive. So much so that i have to give myself firm time limits or i'd never get to sleep!

The pox, oh wait, just another ear infection

2008-11-24T18:39:00.004-06:00

I'm running out of funny ways to talk about people being sick around these parts. We took Silas into the Ped. today and she asked "have you guys been sick, was he exposed to anything?" and the litany of sicknesses was a little long; double cases of bronchitis, sinusitis, ear infections, scarlet fever, etc. He's got an ear infection and a likely case of strep, but thankfully the more powerful antibiotic he's taking this time cures both so we were spared the strep test.

I guess it's a good thing that Henry was sick and got better just in time for me to head out for a week-long trip to NM. Everyone held it together while i was away and Silas started feeling bad late Saturday night.

My trip for work went well but it was a long-one, although to be totally honest i extended it an extra day to make a side-trip to Santa Fe. I started working with Aspen 7 years ago to the week of my NM trip and my first day on the job was in Santa Fe. On the last day of that very first work trip i got to visit the ten thousand waves spa just outside Santa Fe and i've been scheming how to get back ever since. The trip didn't disappoint even after i'd built it up for several years.

On Monday morning when i was saying my goodbyes to the boys they decided it would be fun to snuggle together in Henry's bed. I laid with them for a good 10 minutes and they happily stayed put when i left.

Strep Throat and possibly Scarlet Fever

2008-11-14T18:35:00.002-06:00

So Henry woke up in the night on Wednesday night absolutely burning up and drenched with sweat. Over the next 36 hours we proceeded to dose him regularly with motrin which brought the fever down to around 100-101 but it never went away. A rash then developed on his face that looked like he was sunburned across his cheeks. We noticed a rash of light red dots on his chest, back and arms and when he woke up this morning still feverish and with those sad sick eyes, we called the Dr.

We got him in this morning and the Dr. said that it was probably strep and maybe scarlet fever. I'm a little fuzzy on what she said because i associate scarlet fever with an antique childhood disease that used to kill children and necessitated burning the Velveteen rabbit. I had scarlet fever as a child and (correct me if i'm wrong parents) but i stayed in the hospital.

The Dr. today said that pre-antibiotics, scarlet fever was a terrible disease. Now it's not really a big deal and is treated exactly with the same antibiotic that is used to treat strep throat. I believe they both come from the same bacteria and the "strep" just denotes the presence of the bacteria not necessarily if it's scarlet fever or strep. So, that's about as clear as mud but with the fever and the rash i think it's scarlet fever.

Either way we've now given two doses of antibiotics. 24 hours from his first dose he stops being contagious and hopefully by tomorrow morning he'll be feeling better and the rash will subside. In the meantime we're watching Silas for any signs and are comforted that strep is rare in children under 2 and in adults. Although i'm packing my "backup" pack of antibiotics for my work trip next week.

We'd like a side of small mammals with our support for the troops

2008-11-11T18:04:00.003-06:00

JT and i both had off today for Veteran's day and the boys were home with us. First thing this morning i headed over to the library to see what museum passes they had available. I decided to go to our "other" library branch (Logan Square) just to see if i had better luck with anything being in. I was lucky enough to be able to pick from three passes to museums that i thought would all be workable for the kiddos. I jumped on the elusive Field museum pass. I'm a little chagrined to say that we've lived in Chicago for wow, 7 years now and this was our first visit. We just tried to focus on a few areas and the boys immensely enjoyed the first exhibit we spent a chunk of time in all about animals-- different shapes, sizes, colors, habitats, skeletons, etc. Henry had several favorites from this part of the museum. From there we went through the more "traditional" mammal exhibits which are pretty awesome-- including three full-size giraffes, a rhino and hyenas which Henry liked immensely.

We took a gander through the Native American section and Henry liked their "fancy boots," the totem poles and the dioramas of life in ancient villages. The area was overrun with school children and Henry's energy was flagging (Silas was happily munching away on crackers from his stroller at that point) so we headed to one last exhibit on the way to out to the car-- Ancient Egypt and mummies. It was really too old for them and a tad gruesome and Henry said he wanted to leave so we did. Both boys conked out in the car which i assume means the trip was successfull. Thankfully they both napped after lunch at home as well.

We hope to make it back and hopefully enjoy some other museum outings on holidays in the new year. I haven't posted pictures yet but when i do i'll include some here. Once we got home and the boys were in bed i headed out for a 4 mile run, in the sleet. So, you could say i'm rightfully tired.

Accomplishments and Phases

2008-11-09T20:49:00.003-06:00

From October 2008

I don't think i've given a proper update in awhile about the various stages the boys are in. Silas is 19 months now and Henry is around 3.5 years old. Let's do Silas first.

His funny bone seems to be developing more and more. He has a quick temper and can be loud and irritable when frustrated, but he's just as likely to crack up or do something silly and wait for your reaction-- then crack up. He started this trend during the visit to Oklahoma when he purposely "missed" his seat and fell down-- laughing the whole time. I think he's legitimately ticklish because when you try to trim his toenails he laughs and then squirms uncomfortably while he's laughing.

Speaking of nail trimming. Hallelujah! My least favorite chore seems to have turned a corner. Henry has been very good about having his nails cut for a long time now and will tell you when they need to be done. Until recently trimming Silas' nails was just awful. It didn't matter what you had to distract him he was squirming and screaming and mad and doing nothing to help speed the process along. He doesn't have a bluebird on his shoulder yet, but he generally sits somewhat patiently and just watches as i speedily make my way through all his fingers. This, and sitting in the bath, are pretty huge in my book-- forget about first steps, to me *these* are the real parenting milestones.

Silas' favorite activity at home is pushing his shopping cart back and forth in the house. He enjoys it immensely and if someone else, a visiting friend or say his brother, decides to take the cart for a push, he generally shrieks and then just watches until the unsuspecting shopper abandons the cart for an instant. He throws down whatever he's doing and runs with arms outstretched, toddling back and forth, to recover control.

Henry is getting very good at puzzles. Several of the large floor puzzles he got for Christmas last year (approx. 25 pieces) he can now put together either by himself or with a little support from an adult. He's somewhat obsessed with his letters and can now recognize all of his letters (at least all capital letters and most of the lowercase letters). He can write many of them from memory now and is completely adept at tracing-- stays right on the dotted line. One of his favorite activities is his "homework" which basically means any type of letter or number work.

We're still working on cutting, but he can now move the mouse where he wants and click the correct button. We actually find that we have to actively limit the amount of "screen time" he gets now between his old tivod favorites (Dora and Curious George) and his new computer faves (www.pbskids.org). During the week he's limited to one of either for a total of 30 minutes. On the weekends we've been letting him do closer to an hour spread over the day.

His language continues to develop apace. Recently he's been putting his final understanding on subtle words like "definitely," "similar," and "delicate."

Halloween

2008-11-05T18:43:00.003-06:00

We managed to enjoy Halloween with boy boys even though Henry came home the night before with a high fever and feeling terrible. The poor thing just lay on the couch listless until the motrin took effect. We were worried he'd miss trick-or-treating but by the morning he seemed fine and enjoyed his "sick day" home with us immensely!

Although there was a decent amount of belly-aching by Henry about how far it was to walk and how heavy his candy bag was i think he and Silas had a great time. Silas made a trick or treating buddy with Tiffany who seemed to give him just the right amount of confidence to go up to the houses, hold out his bucket and get the candy. The first couple houses we visited he went through the first couple steps but would then pull his bucket back when they tried to give him candy. I think he thought they were going to take something from him. A few houses let him choose and then he was in the groove and ready for the rest of the night. At this point there's a group of kids that ranges from 19 months to 5 years so we were spread out over a 2-block distance for much of the night. Henry and Silas were generally bringing up the rear-- Silas because he's little and Henry because he was just moving along at his own pace.

Henry was very, very good at making his way up the steps, saying "trick or treat" and always remembering to say thank-you. Both boys, but Silas in particular loved rifling through their candy when we got back home to see what all they've had. Henry has found some new motivation to eat his dinner since then and Silas seems to have forgotten all about his candy.

So that's what it feels like

2008-10-29T15:04:00.003-05:00

I'm not really a guilty person. I don't know if it's because i spent my formative years at an Episcopal school populated by Buddhists or what, but guilt is one thing i don't spend a lot of energy wrestling with. Which isn't to say that i lead a perfect life, but i do generally feel good about the decisions i make.

I had hoped that Silas would be feeling good enough today to head back to school. This was key in my strategy to get fully better, and also because now i'm VERY behind at work. His night went great and things were looking good until he just got very cranky and cried a lot while we were getting ready to leave the house. In the car on the way to school i kept going back and forth over whether to drop him off or not. I asked him if he wanted to go to school and he repeatedly used his "yes" grunt. So i hesitantly dropped him off with repeated requests that Brenda call me if he didn't seem like he was feeling well.

I got home and started to work and just had this ill-at-ease feeling invading my stomach and the rest of my body. I was having a hard time concentrating and i just felt... guilty that Silas wasn't home with me. I lasted about an hour and then called Brenda. She laughed and said "Silas is Silas-- he's doing fine." I know that means he's getting into all kinds of trouble, being mischievous, laughing and having fun. End of guilt. But whew, i sure am glad i don't feel that often!

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Bronchitis?

2008-10-28T14:22:00.002-05:00

So one of the things i've find most frustrating about being sick* is that i'm held back from all the things that i've planned on doing and really want to do. Sometimes they're fun things like take the boys to our community Halloween party, host my quilting group, or train for my upcoming 8K run. Sometimes they're not fun but necessary like finish bringing in the outside stuff for the winter, rake, clean out the garden, etc. Either way there's something out of my control getting in the way of my plans. I'm not the best at letting go of control but at this point i'm somewhere being accepting and being forced to accept that i have to in order to get better and resume normal operations. So, we're down for the count for a bit. Hopefully the medications will take effect and we'll be back on track in time for Halloween.

*In case we haven't been able to personally tell you we're struggling with the following:
JT: recovering from a two-week cold now in CA for a few days
Silas: home sick with a double ear-infection
Tamra: trying to recuperate from bronchitis and sinusitis while taking care of Silas, parenting solo and trying to crank out some necessary work
Henry: holding up as the healthiest one in the family