Good Night Ceremony

I was just re-reading my post on planting the seeds of tradition and thought a nice spin-off post was needed.

I've been doing more and more reading about Waldorf approaches to childhood. They are big into simple and ceremonies. Part of simplicity is embracing nature and natural materials and going for authentic experiences. So they're big on marking celebrations with candles. After the experience celebrating the winter solstice with the candles the boys got to where they wanted to light a candle each evening that lived on the dining room table. They loved it!

I had read about a bedtime ritual that embraced lighting a special bedtime candle and was intrigued by the idea. But couldn't quite play out a scenario in my head where i'd be in the room with both boys that didn't end with them fighting over the candle leaving us all out on the curb, homeless.

But really. I shouldn't have sold them short. I decided to try it one night and here's how we do it in detail in case someone else is wondering how on earth this could work with two kids.

They have to be in bed with all requests already submitted (in writing, in triplicate). If you ask for more water or another book after the candle is lit we don't do the candle the next night. You have to be in your own bed and "settled down." This is a completely subjective call by me.

I light a small candle, kneel in the space between their two beds and we sing a few quiet songs. I'm not musical nor good at remembering the words to things so right now we sing "rock a bye baby," "twinkle twinkle" and then a song called "thank you" sung to the tune of Happy Birthday in which we take turns thanking people for all the good/helpful stuff that happened during the day.

Then we all blow out the candle together and i depart.

They truly love the candle and there is a reverence that comes over them in the presence of fire that i didn't expect. But what makes this account different from all the waldorf "inspirational" reading i do is this truthful account of the "other details." In my house there are nights that immediately after blowing out the candle Silas jumps out of bed and demands water or jumps into Henry's bed and starts yelling "wrest-a-ling, wrest-a-ling," or generally shows that he is not planning on sleeping anytime soon.

Basically sometimes the candle works magic and sometimes it doesn't. And sometimes we don't have time for a book and a candle. So this act hasn't transformed my house into a peaceful beautiful night-time tableau, but it is another way of connecting with the boys and something that they love and that we use as incentive and a way to ground us at night. And i try to think we're laying seeds for when Silas is no longer 2.

Crafting

I've been talking about how i'm working to infuse more crafts into our lives and i have a few pictures and some stories to relate on our efforts. I was reminded of something the other day by Henry's preschool teacher "I like the kids to focus on the process, not the product," and have been trying to emphasize the same in our efforts.


We installed a new display line in our kitchen for all of the boys' artwork. It's primarily filled with Henry's creations but Silas is bursting with pride over the one piece of his that is tacked up there.


In anticipation of Halloween we've been making pumpkins and ghosts for almost a month now. Here are ghosts hung up in Henry and Silas' room. Once Halloween is over we'll use this line to display more works of art as well.


I made this little guy for Henry after he repeatedly requested a soft doll like Silas'. He seemed happy and genuinely thankful and (using his big words) told me he was "very appreciative."

We've got more projects, big and small, in the works for Christmas!

Creativity

From September 2009

One of the offshoots of some of my recent reading, as well as just feeling a transition in the boys, has led to my attempts to integrate more creativity into all of our lives. I've been greatly influenced by Amanda Blake Soule's (Soule Mama) blog and her first book (i can't wait until the second one gets to our library!) And have embarked upon creative attempts in a several different directions. Partly i'm interested in incorporating more "arts and crafts" in a straightforward manner into our lives. And partly i feel something a little more complicated about wanting to slow down more with the boys and have time to actually create together. So "create" has taken on a very relaxed interpretation in the past several weeks.

Practically I've approached the idea of "creating more" by re-tuning our schedule to allow tv/videos/computer only on the weekends. It's amazing how this helps open up little pockets of time. I've started a binder of kid friendly projects that i've been using to select one big project for each weekend. I also reorganized all the art supplies so that both the "no assistance necessary" (crayons, color pencils and the like) and "some assistance necessary" (pompons, "real" glue, beads) are within Henry's reach. The two biggest contributors to forward progress though have been buying a small desk for Henry so that he has a dedicated "creative" space, and sitting down with Henry to water color, cut, or just create.

From September 2009

Henry's very excited about his desk and it has given him a little special space that is out of the way and lets him go off and have some alone time when he needs it. As Henry and Silas get closer, they get more and more intertwined. There bond has grown for sure, but so has (at least Henry's) need for some alone time. This desk was a pretty crucial step in helping them find a way to establish this.

You'll notice that so far i'm only talking about Henry in all of this. Silas is not interested in "art" right now and only very fleetingly will deign himself to color or paint. He was exactly the same way with books for a very long time and only just recently became interested in sitting still to be read to. This has prompted the biggest creative development for all of us-- periodic book time. Sometimes they don't go willingly, but i find that if i can get the boys to the couch or the bed or the playroom floor and agreeing to a book (or at least who gets to pick first) everyone's blood pressure drops several beats and their breathing becomes more regular. I can just sense it happening for them and *feel* it happening for me-- even when 2 minutes before i was aware of my last nerve stretched taut.

The coming fall weather helps. I can forsee a winter of evenings huddled around the kitchen table, long weekends spent in the middle of big and small projects. The image is at least a good bit enticing although for the part of me wishing summer would never end, i feel like i have some new ideas to meet the long hibernation that i know is coming. I promise more pictures of all the fruits of our work to come soon.