Brotherly Love-- the real world

Silas is in his normal spot rocking in the chair outside my bathroom while i get ready in the morning.  Henry was upstairs for at least 15 minutes before Silas came up and not a mention of the rocking chair.  As soon as Silas comes up and starts to make a beeline for it, Henry says loudly-- "I want to rock."  Which of course makes Silas wail because this is part of his routine, and you just don't get between Silas and his routine (he doesn't care much for your routine though, thank you very much.)

I point out that Henry hadn't given the chair the time of day until Silas wanted it.  Henry chose not to engage on that one but offered a solution-- why didn't we bring up the child's rocking chair from downstairs.  Hey good troubleshooting kid, i'll be back in a jiffy.  I bring the chair up and after i've gotten the hairbrush through my hair twice i look back as more screams are breaking out.  Henry is rocking in the chair i brought him, but only if it's going to be right in front of Silas' chair, bonking into it with every rock.

And that about sums up the state of brotherly love in our house right now.

Keep the Numbers Low

A friend of mine with many children posted the following on her facebook status the other day: "Siblings are a bad idea, best to keep the numbers low." Her message was intended as a tongue and cheek statement, but i have to say i could have expressed the sentiment myself once or twice.

Henry and Silas have an extremely close relationship which currently consists of playing really nicely or enjoying each others company 35% of the time and being upset about something the other is doing 65% of the time. JT thinks my percents are off, but i think that if i sat down with a clip-board and a timer for a day i'd be pretty close.

Beyond simply playing together, you get occasional glimpses of loyalty. In the moment though, this devotion is hard to appreciate because it usually surfaces when one of the boys is getting in trouble. If Silas has been told he can't have a treat, suddenly Henry is yelling at us to let Silas have a treat and to stop being "mean" to his brother. Hopefully standing up for each other will develop into broader personality traits as they get older, for now it's one of those things you try hard not to laugh about.

I know i've posted a lot about the difficulties we've gone through in the last six months with Silas. And i wasn't making those difficulties up. But, as Silas seemed to hit an upswing, Henry went on the downhill. What i came to realize though was how much "milder" any episodes were when you were dealing with just one child. It really does make a difference, at least for our boys, to have both of them at the same time while you're trying to discipline, encourage, or comfort.

I find that if someone gets wild, the other one gets wild, that if someone starts misbehaving, you suddenly have two monkeys jumping on the couch. If someone gets a timeout and begins wailing as if the world is ending, the other one will join in (and sometimes make himself genuinely upset) just because of all that negative energy in the room. With one, you usually have a bad moment, address the situation and move on.

This helped me understand that Silas probably wouldn't seem as challenging if he had been our first or was an only. I also think that Henry's behavior issues now seem so much worse than when he started experimenting with bad behavior between 2-3, because now he has an audience egging him on.

People talk about how the move from 2-3 kids is easier than 1-2. In this area i can see why. The whole dynamic changes with two. I am promising to keep an open mind about why all this sibling strife is worth it. People tell me strong bonds can emerge and i've certainly seen siblings with enviable relationships. But i'll continue to tell people feeling bad about having an only what a great situation that can be too!

Creativity

From September 2009

One of the offshoots of some of my recent reading, as well as just feeling a transition in the boys, has led to my attempts to integrate more creativity into all of our lives. I've been greatly influenced by Amanda Blake Soule's (Soule Mama) blog and her first book (i can't wait until the second one gets to our library!) And have embarked upon creative attempts in a several different directions. Partly i'm interested in incorporating more "arts and crafts" in a straightforward manner into our lives. And partly i feel something a little more complicated about wanting to slow down more with the boys and have time to actually create together. So "create" has taken on a very relaxed interpretation in the past several weeks.

Practically I've approached the idea of "creating more" by re-tuning our schedule to allow tv/videos/computer only on the weekends. It's amazing how this helps open up little pockets of time. I've started a binder of kid friendly projects that i've been using to select one big project for each weekend. I also reorganized all the art supplies so that both the "no assistance necessary" (crayons, color pencils and the like) and "some assistance necessary" (pompons, "real" glue, beads) are within Henry's reach. The two biggest contributors to forward progress though have been buying a small desk for Henry so that he has a dedicated "creative" space, and sitting down with Henry to water color, cut, or just create.

From September 2009

Henry's very excited about his desk and it has given him a little special space that is out of the way and lets him go off and have some alone time when he needs it. As Henry and Silas get closer, they get more and more intertwined. There bond has grown for sure, but so has (at least Henry's) need for some alone time. This desk was a pretty crucial step in helping them find a way to establish this.

You'll notice that so far i'm only talking about Henry in all of this. Silas is not interested in "art" right now and only very fleetingly will deign himself to color or paint. He was exactly the same way with books for a very long time and only just recently became interested in sitting still to be read to. This has prompted the biggest creative development for all of us-- periodic book time. Sometimes they don't go willingly, but i find that if i can get the boys to the couch or the bed or the playroom floor and agreeing to a book (or at least who gets to pick first) everyone's blood pressure drops several beats and their breathing becomes more regular. I can just sense it happening for them and *feel* it happening for me-- even when 2 minutes before i was aware of my last nerve stretched taut.

The coming fall weather helps. I can forsee a winter of evenings huddled around the kitchen table, long weekends spent in the middle of big and small projects. The image is at least a good bit enticing although for the part of me wishing summer would never end, i feel like i have some new ideas to meet the long hibernation that i know is coming. I promise more pictures of all the fruits of our work to come soon.

16 Months, 3 Weeks/ 3 Years, 4 Months

By this point, Henry and Silas have developed a robust relationship with one another. It's not always pretty, but they interact all the time and their play is getting more intertwined as well. Favorite games that actually keep them laughing rather than fighting include wrestling, playing a modified version of tag where Silas just runs back and forth across the house and Henry attempts to get Silas to chase him. A recent game involved Henry pretending to be the big bad wolf and jumping out of a tent, trying to scare Silas whenever he came close to the door. Silas laughed and laughed and laughed and i think i read an entire section of the paper.

Of course many other times Silas is still the Goliath tromping through and wrecking Henry's train tracks, and trying to play with whatever Henry was just playing with.

I've been timid to blog on another note but i think all my complaining about the abysmal eating habits paid off. At this point i can think of several actual meals that *both* boys have eaten-- highlights of which include carrot soup, pasta with pesto, mongolian chicken, and cucumbers! This further backs up my recent hypothesis that good parenting of course has something to do with your kids' behavior-- but a good chunk of it is unexplained whimsy, likely to change slightly after you reach the end of your wits!

Playground

Wow! Guess we haven't been to the playground in awhile! Today JT was going to be a little late getting home from work, so Henry and Silas and i stopped off at the playground. I sat and fed Silas the rest of the bottle he hadn't finished at Ms. Brenda's, and Henry very independently and very assuredly played on the playground. Just the last time we went to the playground a few weeks ago Henry still wanted me to stick close to at least the equipment and he wanted help doing things like going down the slide. Tonight not only did he repeatedly go down the slide on his own, he crawled UP the slide like it was no biggie. I also saw him scampering down this climbing incline thing and with only a little boost from me he climbed up two steps of an open chain-link ladder. Seriously, has JT been secretly taking him to toddler boot camp or something?

All of this bodes well for my plans to enroll him in a gym class this fall. I'm in the process of trying to determine if the (much cheaper) Parks district class is any good or if we should bite the bullet and shell out some bucks for the Little Gym or My Gym class. At least now i think we stand a fighting chance of him engaging at least a little with some of the activities-- and maybe i should even set the bar higher.

Silas is just moving along in his babyhood. It stands to reason that he *can* roll because if you put him on his back he rolls to his side and at other times he'll roll from his side to his stomach, but he's not doing full-on rolling much that we can tell. He is very excited for his jumper and has paid more attention to those toys than anything else to date. He's also starting to watch Henry more and seems fascinated by what he sees. I've been trying to draw Henry's attention to Silas when he's doing this so that they can start to develop more of a relationship. I think it won't be long before Silas is demanding Henry's attention and Henry will be excited for his big-brother role.

10 Weeks/ 2 Years, 1 Month, 2 Weeks, 5 Days

Not to wax poetic, but it's interesting how the little things often drive home larger realities. I was shopping at Target yesterday and picked up some Bactine because Henry has had a few scraped knees in the past couple of weeks. Right there in the first aid aisle i had this realization that i'm the mom of a little boy-- and before long, two little boys! Henry is not your stereotypical rambunctious toddler boy which is why i think this hasn't really hit me until recently. What with all the daily walks and the hotter weather necessitating shorts, he's had a series of minor falls resulting in skinned knees-- he's really not my baby anymore!

Henry has also shown a little bit of jealousy towards Silas lately. Silas has a new bumbo chair that lets him sit up unassisted. Henry loves this little chair as well and whenever Silas is in it he wants baby "OUT" so that he can sit in it instead. Sometimes when he wants my undivided attention he'll say "baby night night" to indicate that baby should sleep so that i can focus on Henry. It's pretty mild stuff, but i have a feeling once Silas gets more active we'll have more of these feelings to work through. Should be a learning experience for me as well since i have no personal sibling knowledge to draw upon.

Silas is doing well but not sleeping all that great lately. He's in an evening routine where i get him changed and swaddled and down in his bouncy seat with his pacifier by about 7:30. He'll usually fall asleep and take a little nap and then go to sleep for good anywhere between 9:30 and 11:00. Unfortunately, regardless of what time he goes to sleep, he seems like he's in a habit of waking up at 3 am to eat. The upside is that he's been going right back to sleep after eating, i.e i lay him down and head back to bed-- but i'm missing those really long sleep stretches we were having.

Bump in the road...

Silas is making his way towards three weeks and things were going swimmingly. Then two nights ago i had a terrible time sleeping and started feeling ill. Yesterday was truly awful-- i hurt in a million places and just couldn't sleep. Luckily i recognized the early signs of mastitis and was able to get in to see my Dr. last night. I started antibiotics last night and coupled with lots of sleep (interrupted as it was) i'm feeling MUCH better today. Still a little sluggish so i'm definitely taking it easy.

On top of the mastitis i hurt my back last week and it's not getting better. The Dr. gave me a referral to a chiropractor and physical therapy if that doesn't help. I couldn't get an appt. until Monday, but hopefully it will do the trick. Going upstairs is excruciating and even just walking is painful.

Henry is still doing well. I think he's starting to realize that my time is divided and occasionally demands my attention-- so JT and i have been trying to make sure that i have time just for Henry-- especially since most mornings Henry just sees me to say hi while i'm feeding Silas in bed.

Silas needs a little more attention-- sometimes he needs to be held for a bit before he can fall asleep-- and in the early evening. But he's generally easy to figure out and you can actually lay him down (and he stays asleep!) once he's gotten to sleep. We took him in for his 2 week appt. on Tuesday and he had gained a pound-- he's up to 9 lbs. 5.5 oz. So-- even though he's possibly the gassiest baby i've ever met-- he's gaining like gang busters. I'm doing my best to rotate all of his 0-3 outfits because i'm afraid they aren't going to fit much longer!

5 Days/ 23 Months 2 Weeks, 1 Day

We're really enjoying being at home, discovering a routine with Silas and Henry, and having a lot of help from my parents. Henry is absolutely ecstatic that his Gran and Nonna are here. They've been taking walks outside, coloring and playing inside and in general keeping Henry more than entertained.

Henry is getting more interested in Silas, but is very sweet with him. He likes to lean in over his bouncy seat and sweetly say "hi!" Right now he just calls him "baby," we're working on "Silas." We do have to monitor Henry closely when Silas is in the swing. Henry likes to turn the swing up to it's highest setting and Silas looks like he's about ready to launch.

We're doing really well with Silas so far. The first night home was the roughest because we hadn't gotten much sleep in the hospital that day and Silas was wanting to eat almost every hour. I did discover that he will take the pacifier and actually does a decent job of holding on to it. Each night since has been a little better. First 2-3 hour breaks between eating, and then consistently 3 and last night he went almost 5 hours between meals. Since you time from the start of one feeding to the next, and eating takes awhile when he keeps falling asleep, it doesn't work out to quite 5 hours of sleep-- but still i'll take it for a 5-day old!

We had his 4-day checkup yesterday and everything was absolutely perfect. He had a bilirubin level of 0 (indicative of jaundice) which is so unusual they tested it twice to make sure. We discussed all the different medical issues Henry has had and so far Silas looks clear of all of them. Although it can definitely still develop, at this point Silas isn't much of a spitter and doesn't show any signs of the pyloric stenosis stomach problem that Henry had. We're also enjoying his calm temperment and general sleepiness. I remember that Henry's fussiness developed more as he got closer to 3 weeks so in a sense i'm still waiting for the other shoe to fall, but for now he's a very "good" baby that's been pretty easy to integrate into our family.

I'll post some pictures soon but wanted to get this update posted.

One day shy of 23 months

Henry has taken quite a shine to his piggy bank lately. We've been trying to rustle up change for him when we can and he knows exactly where it goes and will tell you not to eat it (while pointing at his mouth he'll say "no no" with his pointer finger extended). He insists the bank be put on the floor while he puts the change in the slot. I think it's probably a bit early to start introducing lots of money management concepts, but i do try to talk up "saving" every time he puts change in his bank.

Our good friend Corey appears to be in labor. She's 3 days overdue and we were hoping she'd have the baby soon for her sake, but also for ours-- we have the same doula! I had Dr. appointments today and everything looks good-- i'm making some progress and the midwife thought that it was likely i would have this baby by the due date. It's a bit like a crystal ball though-- of course no one really knows. In the past week we've decided that we're ready to have this baby now so the thought of even having to wait another week and a half to my due date feels like forever.

I ordered two big brother shirts for Henry and he was excited to go ahead and wear his today. It's a little early but we're trying to talk up the baby a lot now that the time is getting closer. I'm pretty sure he still has no idea, but hopefully once we bring home this baby Silas that we've been talking and talking about he'll put 2 and 2 together.

37 Weeks

That's right-- 3 weeks from today (more or less) we'll have a new baby to show off at Good Intent. I've had some drama related to my pregnancy lately that i'll try to encapsulate here quickly (short version is everything is fine). I met with a midwife that i had not previously seen on Friday and she turned out to be a little high-strung.

You could also describe her as gruff, aggressive and having ruffled my feathers. She wanted me to see "Maternal Fetal Medicine" ASAP to have them review the thyroid care I've received from my regular Dr. during the pregnancy. She freaked me out because the consequences of an unmanaged thyroid are dire-- severe physical deformities and mental retardation. She just sprung this on me and then got defensive when I tried to ask why she wanted me to see these people now (let alone who they were or what they did). The vibe I got was that it was almost more of a liability thing-- she wanted their experts to review what my Dr (who's through another hospital system) had done.

I had the appointment with MFM today and everything went fine. They did an ultrasound and again showed the baby was formed correctly-- still no indication of pyloric stenosis and growth looks right on-- they estimated his current weight as 6 lbs. 10 oz. The Dr. then reviewed my thyroid labs and care and said it all looked appropriate and they didn't have any qualms with it.

The Dr. does want me to start getting non-stress tests twice a week, instead of just once, to make sure the baby is doing okay. He also told me that with a thyroid condition you have an increased risk of developing pre-eclampsia so he went over the warning signs to watch for. The other thing you have to be careful of is placental failure at the end of the pregnancy. This is why i'm getting the NSTs twice a week now and am supposed to do "kick-counts" every day to make sure the baby is still active and responsive and getting the nutrients he needs. They won't let me go more than a few days past my due date, so we'll just hope for another timely baby.

Henry is doing great. I installed the infant seat in the back seat of the car and we've been talking about how Silas will be riding back there and all the things Henry will get to teach Silas. He seems most interested in that line of discussion but i'm just so curious to see how he responds to his new little brother once the time comes.

I'm hosting a shower for a friend of mine that is due at the end of April this week. It's a small "afternoon tea" shower we're having at our house and i think it will be really nice. After that i'm pretty much in the clear for being done with major commitments and work.

20 Weeks

I had the big 20-week ultrasound this morning and confirmed a sneaking suspicion that we're going to wind up the family that just keeps having kids hoping for a girl. By that i mean of course that we're thrilled we're having a little boy and truly i wasn't surprised, but we did hold out a little hope that a girl was in the cards.

Of course the important thing is that he looks great, everything was the right size and in the right place. Also, now we can essentially use everything for the new baby that we bought for Henry as they're both going to be spring babies, so even the clothes should work out right. There are just a few things that we need for the new one, so i've updated the "registry" link on the right-hand side of the page if you're interested.

Now we just have to get Henry to clue into the fact that he's going to be a big brother. The Ped. recommended getting some books and babies and being a big brother and just trying to talk it up. She said he wouldn't ever really get it (until it's too late) but that you can get him excited and comfortable with the words, even if he doesn't really grasp their meaning.