The seeds of tradition

What with all the bellyaching i've been doing here lately i wanted to make sure to note in writing all the really sweet and wonderful things that have been happening around these parts, especially as we lead up to Christmas.

Although Henry has been a tad bit blase about Christmas decorations this year, i think it's only to tone down the shock and awe Silas expresses each time we see brilliant lights or favorite Frosty decorations. He literally squeals with delight and loudly requests which decorations we need to see on our drive home.

Both boys had a ball decorating the Christmas tree this year and were downright helpful-- no quotations needed. Henry also displayed some very serviceable wrapping skills and helped me wrap a full night's worth of gifts one weekend. It's taken a bit of planning and prodding from me, but both boys have made treasure boxes for each other in secret and seem to relish having a gift, especially a secret one, to give the other.

It's not always reverent but they heartily request to listen to watch and listen to the Christmas music box each night. Henry especially loves the story of how Gran and Nonna gave it to me the Christmas when Henry was still in my belly.

Henry has been dutifully counting the days to Christmas using the advent calender i made a few years ago. He's even patiently re-attached the little felt ornaments when Silas has blown in like a tornado.

And today we made a go at celebrating the Solstice. Especially with it being a fairly new special day i didn't try to do anything too dramatic. I'll pat myself right on the back for that one. We read a book on the solstice that i checked out from the library, then we said a little verse about the darkness, lit a few candles and talked about the light coming back. Then Henry suggested we blow out the candles which both boys loved. Voila-- small ceremony achieved. I get the sense we planted a seed and i hope we reap the benefit next year.

I promise to illustrate this post with pictures but that will mostly likely happen after the holidays. We're t-minus just a matter of hours until both sides of our family join us for an exuberant and joyful time at Christmas!

Keep the Numbers Low

A friend of mine with many children posted the following on her facebook status the other day: "Siblings are a bad idea, best to keep the numbers low." Her message was intended as a tongue and cheek statement, but i have to say i could have expressed the sentiment myself once or twice.

Henry and Silas have an extremely close relationship which currently consists of playing really nicely or enjoying each others company 35% of the time and being upset about something the other is doing 65% of the time. JT thinks my percents are off, but i think that if i sat down with a clip-board and a timer for a day i'd be pretty close.

Beyond simply playing together, you get occasional glimpses of loyalty. In the moment though, this devotion is hard to appreciate because it usually surfaces when one of the boys is getting in trouble. If Silas has been told he can't have a treat, suddenly Henry is yelling at us to let Silas have a treat and to stop being "mean" to his brother. Hopefully standing up for each other will develop into broader personality traits as they get older, for now it's one of those things you try hard not to laugh about.

I know i've posted a lot about the difficulties we've gone through in the last six months with Silas. And i wasn't making those difficulties up. But, as Silas seemed to hit an upswing, Henry went on the downhill. What i came to realize though was how much "milder" any episodes were when you were dealing with just one child. It really does make a difference, at least for our boys, to have both of them at the same time while you're trying to discipline, encourage, or comfort.

I find that if someone gets wild, the other one gets wild, that if someone starts misbehaving, you suddenly have two monkeys jumping on the couch. If someone gets a timeout and begins wailing as if the world is ending, the other one will join in (and sometimes make himself genuinely upset) just because of all that negative energy in the room. With one, you usually have a bad moment, address the situation and move on.

This helped me understand that Silas probably wouldn't seem as challenging if he had been our first or was an only. I also think that Henry's behavior issues now seem so much worse than when he started experimenting with bad behavior between 2-3, because now he has an audience egging him on.

People talk about how the move from 2-3 kids is easier than 1-2. In this area i can see why. The whole dynamic changes with two. I am promising to keep an open mind about why all this sibling strife is worth it. People tell me strong bonds can emerge and i've certainly seen siblings with enviable relationships. But i'll continue to tell people feeling bad about having an only what a great situation that can be too!

Extremely delayed Silas Medical Update

Sometime in the fall JT took Silas back in for the 6 month ENT checkup to make sure Silas' ears were still okay. Everything looked fine but one tube had fallen out completely and the other one was about to. So they took them both out and wished JT and Silas on their merry way. I was frustrated because essentially Silas had surgery so he could have tubes in for the spring and summer-- not typically our high season for ear infections.

The doctor had agreed with JT that it was too bad they didn't last longer, but also indicated that since he was a year older he may have outgrown the problem. I was skeptical at the time and am even more skeptical now. Silas woke up congested and discombobulated and clearly not feeling well this morning.

JT stayed home with him and he pretty much layed in bed or sat on the couch and watched videos for the biggest part of the day. He didn't have much of a fever but he did keep getting flushed and he was definitely not his normal self. After nap he woke up even more out of sorts and immediately started saying that his ear hurt. Hallelujah for real speech! I immediately called the Dr. and we got an appt for this afternoon.

By then his eye was watering and boy could you just tell he felt miserable. Indeed he did have an ear infection in the one ear he was complaining about and the Dr. thought it was possible he was developing pink eye. She gave us an RX in case he wakes up with it disgusting and clearly pink eye. Otherwise she said it could just be due to his cold. We got his antibiotics filled and his first dose administered tonight. Hopefully he'll be feeling better tomorrow morning, although we'll have to see about school. In the meantime, Henry kept trying to convince us that he should stay home sick as well.

The problem is that he's had a cough for 2 weeks or so that is just stubborn but sounds somewhat bad. So he'll say he feels bad, (cough, cough) and it sounds believable. Wish us sweet dreams as we all try to get a good nights sleep.

Christmas with a 2 and 4 year old

Christmas this year is fun in lots of new ways. This is the first year Silas is consciously involved in the unfolding of Christmas. And everything is a delight. The big snowflake street decorations, the twinkling lights on Christmas trees peeking through front windows, as well as all the decorations on our tree he can reach.

Henry is also into Christmas in a new way-- he remembers it of course, and trots out all manner of details of things that happened last Christmas that we haven't talked about since. He is also much more intrigued with Santa and seems to be wrapping his mind around the "magic" of Santa. We're setting out to write our letters to Santa this week and i'm curious to see what winds up in Henry's this year.

We're not in a bonafide "up-cycle" with both boys, but we've had a decent-enough string of days i think it's worth being positive and grateful for all the fun craziness the boys bring to our life. Silas' newest thing is loving to take all his clothes off. Mostly he does this indoors, but even still it's been FREEZING here and it gives me goosebumps just to see him naked walking around on our super-cold floors. He does run warmer than me to be sure, but it also seems like he has to be on the verge of hypothermia before he'll admit he's cold. Just to make things interesting he also now feels compelled to jump on the trampoline once all his clothes are off.

We have found a solution that's been working pretty well. He comes home, immediately wants to take all his clothes off, we agree he can do that and run around for a few minutes and then put on his warm fuzzy pajamas. We've accumulated several pairs of fuzzy footed pajamas and he really loves them. So he's being rather "un-Silas" about being persuaded to don them.

We're keeping up a pretty good pace with Christmas prep. We try to hold down outside commitments this time of year which allows us to be home, crafting, wrapping, cooking, and preparing to see our whole family. We can't wait!

Feedback Loop

From November 2009

Even with the Internet, and a community of supporters that i can access on the phone, online and in-person, sometimes parenting can be a bit of an isolating job. I've been lucky enough to have the opportunity to volunteer in Henry's classroom once a week for the past few months and it's been such a rewarding experience. Seeing Henry outside of his family environment is a joy-- and allows me to clearly see his strengths without having to deal with the "hands-on" parenting that makes you feel like you're in the trenches when you're at home.

I also get a chance to meet all of Henry's classmates, learn their names and see how Henry interacts with them. I recently came across this quote and nodded my head vigorously; "If you ask preschoolers, "What did you do at school today?" they will typically say, "Nothing." Honestly, i was happy to read this as some kids i know just gush the goings-on of their day. But not Henry. For as long as he's been talking, when you ask him what he did at school- or even try to be creative and ask him the funniest or silliest thing that happened he seems to delight in telling you a) nothing happened or b) he just started at the wall all day.

The book went on to say: "But if they get other cues-- you start to sing one of the songs or they see or smell something similar-- you can get an amazingly detailed rendition of the morning's activities."


Being in Henry's classroom gives me the details to be able to ask questions that he'll actually answer, or to weave his classmates names into our conversation. I've considered it laying the groundwork, and in fact it has allowed him to open up and share more with me-- almost as if because he doesn't have to educate me from scratch it's something he'll consider doing.

Henry seems to love having me in the classroom as well-- asking throughout the week if it's the day i come to help at his school. He's really great about honoring the conversation we had the first week in which i explained that i'm still his Mom, but when i'm in the classroom i'm there to help Ms. Laura and all the other boys and girls. He gives me an enormous hug when i'm ready to leave, and interacts with the activities i lead-- but is just as comfortable picking other centers.

But the place i started this post was to say that i've received some hugely valuable positive feedback from Ms. Laura about my skills with the kids. I'm not sure if i can explain how those comments helped shore me up. The kids have both been in some rough patches for awhile and i haven't always felt like i'm doing a great job mothering them. My patience and problem solving skills only go so far. So, being in a classroom with 20 kids and feeling like i know how to help manage the classroom and interact in very positive ways with the kids has been wonderful.

Halloween 2009

We've had a great time prepping for and waiting to see exactly how Halloween was going to play out around these parts. Henry had decided pretty early he wanted to be a firefighter-- which was great, because we already had everything we needed for his costume. Except for some late in the day desires to be a whole bevvy of inanimate objects (a tree and a pillow are two that spring to mind) we were pretty prepared for Henry to have a smooth experience with Halloween.

We started talking early about Halloween with Silas, and particularly about dressing up. He wasn't very interested, but i figured it was weeks away so no rush. We didn't push but most times when we brought up Halloween and getting dressed in our costumes he used a particularly "Silas" tone of voice to indicate-- "no biggie, but i'm not getting dressed up." I know Silas well enough to know that he probably knew full well what he was going to do and was just stating it early. But part of me thought that as he learned more about Halloween and saw Henry and other kids in costume he'd get into the spirit.

We brought a few possible costumes upstairs to the playroom and Silas even put on a giraffe costume a few times. We talked a lot about the giraffe costume and 50% of the time he'd give it lip service. The other half of the time he'd re-emphasize that he wasn't dressing up.


On Friday, the day before Halloween, Henry's school had a Halloween assembly. Henry wore his costume to school, and Silas was excited and wanted to walk Henry to school before heading over to Ms. Brenda's. Surely this portends good things right?

Either way, the Halloween assembly was fun and Henry and all the other preschoolers (three classes on one stage and no one cried or fell off-- amazing!) did a great rendition of "five little pumpkins." Then they had a Halloween parade around the school and a short party where they got gobs of candy. (Quick aside, there were some candies we weren't familiar with printed only in spanish. One was some kind of lime gumball with chile powder flavor. I'm waiting for a report from JT on that one!)

So, on the day of Halloween i realized that we needed a "costume" that wasn't a costume, in case Silas really did balk. He's been favoring his "sheep coat" and his "bear hat" lately and i had already planned to put him in tan cords to form part of his giraffe costume. I was channeling Henry's bear costume a few years ago-- at least in my mind.


On Halloween we headed over to Tiffany and Mike's for the annual Halloween party. Since it wasn't a weekday the whole thing was decidedly more relaxed and laid-back than in past years. We ate some pizza and then started to work on getting all our costumes on. You guessed it, Silas was a no-go. Both Tiffany and Troy (very persuasive with the preschool crowd) tried to convince Silas to put on his giraffe costume, but he just said pretty firmly (and calmly) "no." So, we bundled into his sheep coat and bear hat and he was as happy as a clam. He loved trick-or-treating, wound up staying out later than Henry, who got cold and went back with an early group, and kept wanting to get "more treats." He even said trick-or-treat and thank-you at each house-- albeit in the wrong order.

And as a special gift to his parents, he and Henry climbed right into their sleeping bags, laid down and crashed out while we got to stay and enjoy the party with our friends. Wonderful Halloween-- even without the costume.

Crafting

I've been talking about how i'm working to infuse more crafts into our lives and i have a few pictures and some stories to relate on our efforts. I was reminded of something the other day by Henry's preschool teacher "I like the kids to focus on the process, not the product," and have been trying to emphasize the same in our efforts.


We installed a new display line in our kitchen for all of the boys' artwork. It's primarily filled with Henry's creations but Silas is bursting with pride over the one piece of his that is tacked up there.


In anticipation of Halloween we've been making pumpkins and ghosts for almost a month now. Here are ghosts hung up in Henry and Silas' room. Once Halloween is over we'll use this line to display more works of art as well.


I made this little guy for Henry after he repeatedly requested a soft doll like Silas'. He seemed happy and genuinely thankful and (using his big words) told me he was "very appreciative."

We've got more projects, big and small, in the works for Christmas!

Parenting Tricks

I've got a longer essay in here somewhere, but for now a few new techniques i've introduced this week that i think are going to work quite nicely.

Anyone that has spent time with Silas at home knows that his favorite place is in his own house. Even when he eventually has a great time outside the home, getting him to leave can be hell. On the whole he had been okay getting ready for school but last week even this deteriorated and we had a few terrible mornings (lots of shouting, tears, inane attempts to reason-- when will i learn!) I decided we had to figure something else out. Two things, JT is now getting up at 7 so that the kids will get up (they had been laying around in their beds/rooms until 7:30 or even 7:45 some mornings) and have more time to eat breakfast, play, get dressed, play, brush teeth, coats, etc. This i think is crucial and definitely helped.

The second thing we did at the end of last week was to have Silas pick out his coat and shoes and put them on the chair by the door so everything is ready in the morning. We did this again tonight and i intend to continue doing it. I don't expect him to make a beeline for the chair, put on his coat and shoes and declare he's ready for school, but if we could avoid tantrums about wearing a coat i'd call it a victory. I'll keep you updated.

The last thing we did is institute a "ticket" system for screen time. A big portion of me wants to outlaw "screen time" almost entirely and i can attest to it being a slippery slope if you aren't on top of it. In my experience, you all agree to 30 minutes, or no tv on weeknights or whatever, then the next thing you know the little ones are whining for more, or melting down because they can't watch George or other types of behavior that i'm keen on avoiding. So, we're in the pilot stages, but each boy gets a specified # of tickets for 15 min. increments that they keep in special coin purses. They can watch 15 mins at a time and spend their tickets. They get more each Friday.

Generally the bulk of their screen time happens on the weekend (an hour to an hour and a half) but if they want, they have the opportunity to watch a show or two during the week-- which is a nice tool for both the boys and Mom if we're having a rough day.

Fall Fun

A noted lack in posting. I was away an entire work-week two weeks ago and i feel like i'm just about caught back up where i have some time to mess around once the boys are in bed. Plus, i hosted my parents for a fall visit this weekend that was lovely; albeit cool.


After several years of sticking largely close to home during their visits, we were all over greater Chicagoland. The nap schedules or our little people still constrain all day touristing, but we headed out to the NW suburbs for fun at a local pumpkin patch. The highlight of Silas' trip was the tractor ride-- which i remember him balking at completely last year. Henry loved every minute of the kids truck ride he got to go on. I believe the wacky fun house and the strawberries were also a hit, although at that point i had taken Silas to look more at the animals because the wanting to ride, afraid to ride conflicting feelings were just too much for him.

From October 2009

He did very much enjoy watching the sheep eat, the chickens peck around and the rabbits nuzzeld up against the warm back corner.

That night Henry had his first swim lesson at the new "warm" pool and he seemed to do quite well. Once i saw him get in and follow the teachers' lead without begging me to get in too, everything else was gravy. It was a little chaotic before class started with so many kids getting sorted out, but i'm hoping it will be a little calmer and Henry will be a little more assured.

Sunday my parents and i went out to the Frank Lloyd Wright house and studio in Oak Park. I hadn't been out there since soon after moving to Chicago, and it was very fun to play tourist again. It's a cool house and amazing to picture the prairie coming right up to within sight of his house. The boys sat this trip out and probably just as well. Henry might have at least listened attentively for the tour but we had a 2 hour wait before it started that would have thrown him over the edge.

Last event was JT volunteering at Henry's school to get the flower beds cleaned out and planted with spring bulbs. Volunteering seems to be a new thread running through our days. This Saturday it's my turn to help set-up the fall festival.

Creativity

From September 2009

One of the offshoots of some of my recent reading, as well as just feeling a transition in the boys, has led to my attempts to integrate more creativity into all of our lives. I've been greatly influenced by Amanda Blake Soule's (Soule Mama) blog and her first book (i can't wait until the second one gets to our library!) And have embarked upon creative attempts in a several different directions. Partly i'm interested in incorporating more "arts and crafts" in a straightforward manner into our lives. And partly i feel something a little more complicated about wanting to slow down more with the boys and have time to actually create together. So "create" has taken on a very relaxed interpretation in the past several weeks.

Practically I've approached the idea of "creating more" by re-tuning our schedule to allow tv/videos/computer only on the weekends. It's amazing how this helps open up little pockets of time. I've started a binder of kid friendly projects that i've been using to select one big project for each weekend. I also reorganized all the art supplies so that both the "no assistance necessary" (crayons, color pencils and the like) and "some assistance necessary" (pompons, "real" glue, beads) are within Henry's reach. The two biggest contributors to forward progress though have been buying a small desk for Henry so that he has a dedicated "creative" space, and sitting down with Henry to water color, cut, or just create.

From September 2009

Henry's very excited about his desk and it has given him a little special space that is out of the way and lets him go off and have some alone time when he needs it. As Henry and Silas get closer, they get more and more intertwined. There bond has grown for sure, but so has (at least Henry's) need for some alone time. This desk was a pretty crucial step in helping them find a way to establish this.

You'll notice that so far i'm only talking about Henry in all of this. Silas is not interested in "art" right now and only very fleetingly will deign himself to color or paint. He was exactly the same way with books for a very long time and only just recently became interested in sitting still to be read to. This has prompted the biggest creative development for all of us-- periodic book time. Sometimes they don't go willingly, but i find that if i can get the boys to the couch or the bed or the playroom floor and agreeing to a book (or at least who gets to pick first) everyone's blood pressure drops several beats and their breathing becomes more regular. I can just sense it happening for them and *feel* it happening for me-- even when 2 minutes before i was aware of my last nerve stretched taut.

The coming fall weather helps. I can forsee a winter of evenings huddled around the kitchen table, long weekends spent in the middle of big and small projects. The image is at least a good bit enticing although for the part of me wishing summer would never end, i feel like i have some new ideas to meet the long hibernation that i know is coming. I promise more pictures of all the fruits of our work to come soon.

Silas' Big Boy Bed

It was a rash decision but, but last Monday morning, on the eve of Henry heading to preschool, we converted Silas' crib to a big boy bed. We had started talking with Silas about the idea after we returned from vacation and although he showed very short spurts of interest he always returned to "no" and other sentiments that meant he liked things just the way they were.


Then on Monday morning we started talking about changing his bed and he went for it. He said he wanted to "change my bed" several times and seemed genuinely excited. JT and i talked about the rational reasons it wasn't a great idea; a) we were going to be gone all day at a BBQ so he wouldn't actually be home to get used to it, b) the next day was Henry's first day of school and we didn't want to start off with a terrible night's sleep and c) if things went awry we wouldn't have the weekend to recuperate.

But, we threw those concerns out the window and decided to be led by the fact that the child that has made it clear he doesn't like change, was embracing, nay excited for this transition. We all took a turn with the ikea wrenches and voila-- big boy bed!

Silas was over the moon about his new bed and played happily in it all morning. He took his usual nap upstairs and then we headed out to Tiffany and Mike's for our labor day BBQ. He was clingy and difficult at the BBQ but in the few moments when he'd let me put him down and wander over to the other kids, he'd quickly saunter back and whisper "my bed" with this happy, sly smile that he's great at.


That night he was over the moon to sleep in his bed and so far there has been no falling out of bed or midnight escapades. He and Henry often wake up before 7 now, but talk or read quietly to each other until 7 when they both come bounding up the stairs to wake us up. It's very, very dear and helps smudge some of the harsh edges around the difficulties we've begun to emerge from with Silas.

Silas and the terrible, horrible, no-good, rotten tantrums

I've been thinking about this post for awhile and yet the idea of sitting down to really dig into my son's tantrums, meltdowns and fits of rage seems to keep losing out to things like, organizing the basement (last night) pulling weeds (nap-time) or searching etsy (all the time!) But before the Henry preschool posts get going (which i promise will be coming soon), i did want to write about Silas and the difficult phase we're going through with him. At first i was going to say so i could remember it, but really it's more so when my friends with younger kids ask me about this type of behavior, i can look back, compare their descriptions with mine and assure them their children are not baboons.

Silas has been lodged in this phase for at least a few months. It's hard to pinpoint the exact start because since he entered toddler-hood, it was apparent he was stubborn and tenacious-- definitely not one to handle with the trusty distraction technique. As he's moved further and further into the twos he's gotten more difficult. He wants what he wants now, and he just melts down if he doesn't get it. He also really, really wants something and then when he gets it he doesn't want THAT and he can't believe you would torture him by taking him to the shower park which he's been dying to go to because now he really, really, really wants to go to the pocket park.

In addition to how easily upset (let's be honest, enraged) he gets, he's also really shy and wary of new people and new routines and just new stuff overall. So he needs to be with Mom pretty much all the time and will meltdown into one of said freak-outs if say, Dad should deign to try to change his diaper.

When we were at the beach obviously everything was new, and even by the time it wasn't new, his meltdowns were reaching a crescendo. It was difficult but also completely and totally exhausting. There were days i didn't have one drop left of patience, or new ideas, or discipline left to give. I think it was probably a lot of little things, he wasn't getting quite the full sleep he needed, he was off his routine, and he's 2. But it did make parts of the vacation really difficult.

Thankfully he's eased off a bit since we've been back. He still gets upset easily and can throw a tantrum with the best of them, but they tend to be more manageable. Unfortunately as some of the meltdowns have subsided we are now moving into another difficult phase of limit testing, hitting and general misbehavior. This one is going to require some new learning on my part because as opposed to Henry, who tested bounds as if he knew it was part of his developmental curve, Silas tests boundaries with absolute and unfettered glee. It's a little worrisome how much his eyes twinkle when he's doing something he shouldn't be. Hmm, makes me think i need to go check out some books on two-year old unruly children. Any suggestions and i'm all ears!

Vacation Breakdown

Vacation was over more than a week ago so if i don't get this written now, i'll forget the details myself. And the whole purpose of the post is to help me remember what our beach vacation was like with a 2 and 4 year old.

Heading to the same beach, at the same house each summer affords us the chance to use our vacation as a method of marking the growth in our kids just like making marks on the closet for our kids height. Each year when it's time to take a new measurement you can't believe how much your kids have grown.

So to help us compare summers, here's how our days generally went at the beach this year.

The boys typically woke up between 7 and 7:45 each morning JT would get up with them, make them breakfast and they'd run around, cause mayhem and wait until they could come wake me up. That happened somewhere between 7:45 and 8:00 most mornings. Other mornings i got up when they did, headed to the pool or out on a run before the day got to hot.

Between 8 and 8:30 the rest of our family would be downstairs, eating breakfast, and deciding on the day's activities. If it was the beach we'd pack the cooler, our beach bag and then spent the better part of the next hour getting the kids into bathing suits, surf shirts and slathered with sunscreen. Usually another 15-20 minutes finding and putting on shoes and loading into the cars. We followed a similar schedule for the pool although every few days you had to factor in Silas' meltdowns into the am schedule. Sometimes they just made things take longer and sometimes they debilitated plans.


We'd leave the beach or pool by about 12:15-12:30, get them washed off in the outside shower (which Silas became obsessed with), while JT made them lunch which they ate in the screened in porch-- or "ousside" as Silas proclaimed. Then into dry clothes and off to naps. Most days Henry napped for a few good hours, although Silas' naps were often fairly short.

Some afternoons we hit either the pool or the beach depending on what we had done in the morning. Others we just played around the house, went on bike rides in the trailer or tried to fit in other activities-- croquet, the sprinkler, baseball game, etc. The boys went to bed late most nights-- close to 8:30.


Silas got to where he liked playing quite a bit on the steps of the pool and having me swim him around in the water of the pool-- only after the first few days when he refused loudly to go near the water. Henry wore his life vest or swim ring and spent all the time he could in the pool and asked to go into the ocean with us whenever possible. Some days the waves were too big and then he ran in and out of the water and discovered making sandcastles down by the water-- thus ending our time being able to hunker down under the umbrella.


We've hit a minor league team -- the Shorebirds-- game each year and this year was Silas' first time in attendance. He loved the mascot, Sherman and spent the entire night asking where "that guy" had gone. Henry continued to love Sherman as well and this year even took a picture with him. Note the distance in last year's picture.

I plan to post more about Silas latest phase--which is a difficult one. But this should give us a pretty clear idea of what the beach vacation was like if we're lucky enough to get to go again next year!

Remind me next time...

So next time i start to tell you that Silas is sick and then "oh my god, he isn't sleeping, what do we do?!" that this is just what Silas does. Frankly it sucks, but he gets sick and then sleeps erratically for 3-5 days. Then he re-emerges and reverts back to his happy-go-lucky pretty good sleeping self. This doesn't make it any easier when we're in the throes of the wailing, but if i could just keep front and center that it will get better, and typically in just a few days, i think i wouldn't freak out so much. So i'm harnessing the power of my readership (small as that may be) to remind me of this important trend.

Whew, now that we have sleep troubles out of the way for awhile i wanted to finally update you on the fun we had last weekend. Kerala came over to play for a few hours on Saturday and the kids were all happy to play together during the 20 minutes they were all awake at the same time, and happy to oblige us with naps so that we were mostly fielding the two kids we're used to.

Sunday we headed to the Pendletons and the kids (and Tabitha!) made gingerbread houses. We've done this for two years with graham crackers. With the little ones getting older and more capable, (who knew how well they could wield a pastry bag) we might just have to step it up to real gingerbread next year. I've never witnessed so much candy inhalation in such a short time. I don't care what the experts say, Henry was literally running from one end of the house to the other by the time we got home, trying to come down from the sugar high.

We've been enjoying opening a few gifts that have arrived this week. Of course we're saving most of the gifts (and all from family that will be with us) for actual Christmas. I'm pretty sure however, that the boys will have more than their share of presents on Christmas morning. Doing one or so a day is fun because Henry gets completely excited, but also has time to absorb and integrate the new toy into collection. Plus, it allows us time to work on thank-you cards little by little. (Kai you did say thank-yous were okay once they came from Henry right :)

Craziness

The full effect of being a full-time working mother of two small children hit this week. I have a work deadline this week for a written report which is a great professional opportunity for me but which requires chunks of time that i can sit down, concentrate and write. Those chunks have been in short supply since Silas was home sick with me Monday and Tuesday.

He went back to daycare today and i *think* he's better. He just has a bad cold and a cough that at least is improving. Although he gets tired pretty easily he's pretty good during the day-- little cough, clear mucus, etc. He also goes to sleep really easily and quite early. Then about 30 minutes after he sweetly drifted off to sleep, he wakes up screaming and is largely inconsolable for the next hour. He'll calm down momentarily if you pick him up, sing to him, turn on his birds, etc. But it just seems to take about an hour until he can calm down enough to go back to sleep. It's definitely breaking my cool and making me feel so badly for him all at the same time.

I don't know if it's just that he's particularly miserable and I should try to console him no matter what (even though he drifted off to sleep easily less than half an hour before), or if he's gotten into a bad habit of not being able to get back to sleep at this time (the overnights have been going okay without too much intervention from me.) It's always hard to hear your baby cry, but it's absolutely gut wrenching when you know he's not feeling better and you don't know if you're doing the right thing.

I think if someone put this question to my hypothetically i would say it's a no-brainer; if the baby is sick you comfort them and don't let them cry. But in reality it doesn't seem that simple. If sleep is the best thing for him and when i'm holding him he doesn't fall asleep and continues to periodically cry, is it better to just leave him in the crib to cry really hard but fall asleep quickly? This is the stuff that isn't in the parenting books and gives rise to the whole "every child is different" adage.

This post has largely been for me but it's helped me realize i need to put a call in to our Pediatrician. I don't think he needs a sick appointment, but i need guidance on how to handle this situation.

Otherwise we're just trying to keep the adults healthy (JT and I are both dealing with a mild cold), keep the house from total disintegration, prepare for a Christmas dinner party for 8 adults on Saturday, and march through the scrolling Christmas check-list. "It's the most wonderful time of the year!"

8 Mos, 1 Week/ 2 Years 7 Months

Little Silas is sick. He and Henry were both congested over the weekend and Silas had a pretty rough night last night. Everything was running clear and he actually seemed happy and normal this morning so i bundled everyone off to school. Around 11:30 i got a call from Brenda that Silas was clearly not feeling well and had been inconsolable for about 30 minutes.

He fell asleep in the car on the way home and fell right back to sleep when i transferred him to his bed. He slept about an hour, and when he woke-up i was wondering if maybe Brenda was being overly cautious-- he was smiley and happy and didn't have a fever. But, after even just a little time wore on, it's clear he's not feeling well. He's cranky and snotty and doesn't have a great appetite. He's back to bed for another nap which hopefully will be a long one and i think we're shooting for an early bedtime as well.

Why?

My Father talks frequently about how i was constantly asking why as a child. I remember this actually but associate it with being a little older-- at least old enough to have memories. Perhaps i started my career even earlier which is what young Henry is doing. As are most things, it's much harder to deal with his incessant requests now that we're living it rather than hearing a tale about our distant childhood.

The issue is that i want to give Henry answers that attempt to quell his original question. I don't want to speak down to him but i don't want to give too much more information than he's able to comprehend. I want to be reflective about my answers instead of just saying "because that's how things are." At root i want to encourage this questioning and not squelch his curiosity or have him just accept everything as presented. The problem is that Henry doesn't always follow-along in this same congenial spirit.

A recent exchange:

H: I want to play outside in the snow.
T: It's too cold tonight Henry. We'll play outside later when it's warmer.
H: Why?
T: Because now that it's winter it can get very cold and if you're out in the cold too much you can get sick.
H: Why?
T: (attempts to explain how while germs make you sick being cold can lower your resistance)
H: Why?
T: We don't know why, but we know it happens.
H: Why?
T: Because Doctors study these things and tell us the answers.
H: Why?
T: Let's sing a song.
H: I want to play outside in the snow...

First REAL Snow

Today we trumped the little bit of snow we got over the weekend with a couple of inches of very fluffy snow that Henry had a ball playing in yesterday evening in front of our house. He's been excited for snow ever since it started getting cold and i told him that now that it was winter we might have snow. Unfortunately tonight there is more snow, but it's so cold that he couldn't stay out more than a few minutes. I saw a family down the street packing up sleds and kids into the car and i was thankful that i don't know where the local sledding hill is and my kids aren't old enough to ask to go sledding-- all in due time of course.

We're excitedly counting down the days until Christmas and our family comes to visit us in Chicago. I'm making an advent calendar and have managed to stay within a day of the actual date on the calendar. I have to double-up tonight since JT and i enjoyed an awesome dinner out last night and i didn't get my assigned ornament in for the day.

Henry has been periodically making art projects at school and bringing them home. We've started displaying them in the kitchen and i thought i'd share a few with you, as well as some random "toy arrangements" i've happened on and been impressed with.

First Snow-- and Ice

This weekend we had the first snow (and ice) of the season. It didn't snow a whole lot-- probably about 1/2 in. But it did stick, and it was snowing while i was trying to get all the leaves vacuumed and mulched up. I got the majority done and discovered that our leaf blower acts as an underpowered snow blower in a pinch. By about 4:30 the snow turned to ice and then somewhere around midnight it turned to rain. We did go over to Corey and Troys' in the evening and had to let Henry experience first hand why the ice storm wasn't great weather for playing outside.

We've talked about snow and how we will be able to play in it this winter so he was excited and then disappointed when actually he couldn't play in it this time. I didn't feel too badly for him though because he enjoyed playing hide-n-seek with Troy (who he calls "Troy-ee") and getting to play Troy's piano as well. That night was amazing because both boys went down to sleep effortlessly at there house and didn't make a peep until we woke them to go home.

Speaking of sleep, i haven't mentioned it because i'm afraid i'll jinx the phenomenon, but we're going to have to start setting an alarm. Since Henry was born we've only set an alarm the handful of times one of us had to get up really early in order to make a flight. Otherwise, you were guaranteed that somebody would wake you up. For the past several weeks though, both kids have been sleeping until 8. Silas usually wakes up between 5:30 and 6:30 but after i feed him he generally goes back to sleep until 8. It's actually made the mornings crazy though because we wind up just not having enough time to get everything done. So, while i hate to look the cosmic gifthorse in the mouth that has bestowed children on me that enjoy sleeping in, i fear tonight an alarm must be set. A moment of silence will be set at bedtime in our household tonight.

Time Management

Recently a friend of mine that currently doesn't have children asked how i manage to accomplish what i do with kids, when she feels super busy without them. I've been mulling this over some and thinking about how to respond and then decided that this would actually make a great blog post if i could just find time to write :) So excuse me Renee if you read this before i write back to you, but i think others might be interested as well.

Life is organized around four general areas: work, chores, extracurricular fun, and family. Each pushes and pulls on each other, but i've found some things that work for us in each category.

With work, something has to give. If both of you are corporate attorneys you're going to be outsourcing a lot of all the other areas. That might not be a big deal when it comes to chores, but you might start to really miss giving your child a bath or watching as she learns to say please and thank you. If you don't have a safety net in place, setting emotional concerns aside, you can also wind up stuck when your child gets sick and you both have important client meetings. So, generally one of you needs some flexibility in your schedule. This allows for someone to take off when little one needs to get to the Doctor, when your daycare provider is closed for the Federal holidays that you don't get, and to accompany said child on their first field trip.

We're blessed by the fact that i work remotely for a very family-friendly non-profit. My hours are pretty strictly 9-5, unless i'm travelling, and i work from home so there is no commute to factor into my day. Daycare is 15 minutes away. Even if you work longer hours and/or commute, working a few days from home can really make a difference. Obviously you don't have the commute to eat into your day and you can use the 4 minutes while you're waiting for your lunch to heat up to pick up the Lego's in the living room, throw last night's pajamas in the hamper, and take out the trash.

Which brings me to chores. I think the most important thing is to figure out what you can afford to outsource, and then looking at what's left, decide which items are crucial, and who can best tolerate/keep up with those key items. Much to the rest of my family's chagrin-- ironing has just never made it on to that list. We pay someone to clean our house every other week and divide the laundry/cooking/finances along our interest level and availability.

Assuming you have a spouse or partner, you need to figure out how to find a balance which leaves both of you feeling like you're invested in and responsible for the life you're living. In our house JT's the homebody. This means that he stays home on weekends while i toodle around Target and pick up cat litter. I actually kinda enjoy running errands, especially when i'm not toting two wee ones around.

One small thing which i wouldn't think would be much of a revelation is that i'm purposeful about my movements through the house. If i'm on my way downstairs i look at my desk and see what needs to be relocated-- a coffee mug, a water cup, the rechargeable batteries. After putting the dishes in the dishwasher and the batteries by the basement stairs i see the mail has arrived. I put 90% directly in the recycle bin and put the things that i need to do something about by the stairs to go into my financial folder-- you get the idea.

Then there's extracurricular fun. I think first and foremost, *what* and *how often* you do extracurricular activities changes once kids are on the scene. The trite "children change your life" is true but not like the soundbite makes it seem. It's not like you go from being an avid outdoorsman to a homebody Betty Crocker-type just because you have children-- at least not if you're going about things in a healthy way. But, your monthly overnight backcountry camping trips will most likely turn into long walks with your little one bundled into a back-pack carrier and a handful of camping trips to a site easily accessible by car. If your pre-baby days were spent logging late nights at local music clubs, you'll be scouring the area for music festivals that are child-friendly and happen during daytime hours. It's not that you're giving up your interests or hobbies, but they do tend to compete with the other responsibilities and priorities that children bring.

I used to workout five days a week, and attend ballet class and quilting group one night a week. I still try to fit in at least 3 workouts a week but i dropped ballet and attend quilting group once a month. Children are really great for helping you clarify your priorities and this level of activity helps me feel like i still have a life outside of being a Mom, but isn't so onerous that it's burdening JT or the kids.

One upside to kids is that they thrive on predictable schedules filled with sleep (or at least as they get older and stop waking up 6 times a night, ahem Silas!). So when you do activities changes, but can actually leave you with plenty of downtime if you're willing to take advantage of it. Our kids go to sleep by 7:30 (8 at the latest for Henry). Assuming a 10:30/11:00 bedtime, that leaves a decent chunk of time to eat a grown-up dinner if we haven't already eaten with the kids, spend a little time bonding as a couple, doing some chores and clean-up and maybe even working on a special project (a blog, a basement revamp, a baby quilt, etc.)

During the day (weekends for working parents) we have a solid 2-hour nap in the afternoon to work undisturbed on these types of projects as well. In a nutshell it's pretty simple, you have to pare down, be willing to adjust your expectations, and be flexible about when you get everything scheduled. In general we've found that these arrangements give us enough routine family time to feel like every one's needs are met.

All this said i'm adding a disclaimer that it took me about 6 weeks to do an imprint of Silas' hand for his memory book so clearly i'm not just crossing everything off my list as soon as i put it on there. In fact, i've moved to keeping my list in journals rather than on scraps of paper to emphasize that they are often long-term lists rather than immediate to-dos.