Travel Log

On day one of my trip to NM and while i've been looking forward to the trip for work, i've been dreading it for family reasons.  Silas is so needy right now and has episodes of not being able to seperate from me at all that thought of having to leave him come Monday morning had me really worried.  But just to make sure it's clear that i don't have the blueprint, when i mentioned it was time to get my coat on, his eyes got a little watery but he just gave me a big hug and asked who i was meeting on my trip. 

He and Henry bid me a fond farewell and i just skeddadled out of the house.  Then he got dressed and put on underwear with Oma.  Sounds like it was a great day all around.  So curious to see if the trend continues, but glad for all our sakes that it went well today.  Henry just kept keeping on.  I promise more updates on him to come-- i know they've been Silas centered lately.

Good Night Ceremony

I was just re-reading my post on planting the seeds of tradition and thought a nice spin-off post was needed.

I've been doing more and more reading about Waldorf approaches to childhood. They are big into simple and ceremonies. Part of simplicity is embracing nature and natural materials and going for authentic experiences. So they're big on marking celebrations with candles. After the experience celebrating the winter solstice with the candles the boys got to where they wanted to light a candle each evening that lived on the dining room table. They loved it!

I had read about a bedtime ritual that embraced lighting a special bedtime candle and was intrigued by the idea. But couldn't quite play out a scenario in my head where i'd be in the room with both boys that didn't end with them fighting over the candle leaving us all out on the curb, homeless.

But really. I shouldn't have sold them short. I decided to try it one night and here's how we do it in detail in case someone else is wondering how on earth this could work with two kids.

They have to be in bed with all requests already submitted (in writing, in triplicate). If you ask for more water or another book after the candle is lit we don't do the candle the next night. You have to be in your own bed and "settled down." This is a completely subjective call by me.

I light a small candle, kneel in the space between their two beds and we sing a few quiet songs. I'm not musical nor good at remembering the words to things so right now we sing "rock a bye baby," "twinkle twinkle" and then a song called "thank you" sung to the tune of Happy Birthday in which we take turns thanking people for all the good/helpful stuff that happened during the day.

Then we all blow out the candle together and i depart.

They truly love the candle and there is a reverence that comes over them in the presence of fire that i didn't expect. But what makes this account different from all the waldorf "inspirational" reading i do is this truthful account of the "other details." In my house there are nights that immediately after blowing out the candle Silas jumps out of bed and demands water or jumps into Henry's bed and starts yelling "wrest-a-ling, wrest-a-ling," or generally shows that he is not planning on sleeping anytime soon.

Basically sometimes the candle works magic and sometimes it doesn't. And sometimes we don't have time for a book and a candle. So this act hasn't transformed my house into a peaceful beautiful night-time tableau, but it is another way of connecting with the boys and something that they love and that we use as incentive and a way to ground us at night. And i try to think we're laying seeds for when Silas is no longer 2.

Feedback Loop

From November 2009

Even with the Internet, and a community of supporters that i can access on the phone, online and in-person, sometimes parenting can be a bit of an isolating job. I've been lucky enough to have the opportunity to volunteer in Henry's classroom once a week for the past few months and it's been such a rewarding experience. Seeing Henry outside of his family environment is a joy-- and allows me to clearly see his strengths without having to deal with the "hands-on" parenting that makes you feel like you're in the trenches when you're at home.

I also get a chance to meet all of Henry's classmates, learn their names and see how Henry interacts with them. I recently came across this quote and nodded my head vigorously; "If you ask preschoolers, "What did you do at school today?" they will typically say, "Nothing." Honestly, i was happy to read this as some kids i know just gush the goings-on of their day. But not Henry. For as long as he's been talking, when you ask him what he did at school- or even try to be creative and ask him the funniest or silliest thing that happened he seems to delight in telling you a) nothing happened or b) he just started at the wall all day.

The book went on to say: "But if they get other cues-- you start to sing one of the songs or they see or smell something similar-- you can get an amazingly detailed rendition of the morning's activities."


Being in Henry's classroom gives me the details to be able to ask questions that he'll actually answer, or to weave his classmates names into our conversation. I've considered it laying the groundwork, and in fact it has allowed him to open up and share more with me-- almost as if because he doesn't have to educate me from scratch it's something he'll consider doing.

Henry seems to love having me in the classroom as well-- asking throughout the week if it's the day i come to help at his school. He's really great about honoring the conversation we had the first week in which i explained that i'm still his Mom, but when i'm in the classroom i'm there to help Ms. Laura and all the other boys and girls. He gives me an enormous hug when i'm ready to leave, and interacts with the activities i lead-- but is just as comfortable picking other centers.

But the place i started this post was to say that i've received some hugely valuable positive feedback from Ms. Laura about my skills with the kids. I'm not sure if i can explain how those comments helped shore me up. The kids have both been in some rough patches for awhile and i haven't always felt like i'm doing a great job mothering them. My patience and problem solving skills only go so far. So, being in a classroom with 20 kids and feeling like i know how to help manage the classroom and interact in very positive ways with the kids has been wonderful.

Parenting Tricks

I've got a longer essay in here somewhere, but for now a few new techniques i've introduced this week that i think are going to work quite nicely.

Anyone that has spent time with Silas at home knows that his favorite place is in his own house. Even when he eventually has a great time outside the home, getting him to leave can be hell. On the whole he had been okay getting ready for school but last week even this deteriorated and we had a few terrible mornings (lots of shouting, tears, inane attempts to reason-- when will i learn!) I decided we had to figure something else out. Two things, JT is now getting up at 7 so that the kids will get up (they had been laying around in their beds/rooms until 7:30 or even 7:45 some mornings) and have more time to eat breakfast, play, get dressed, play, brush teeth, coats, etc. This i think is crucial and definitely helped.

The second thing we did at the end of last week was to have Silas pick out his coat and shoes and put them on the chair by the door so everything is ready in the morning. We did this again tonight and i intend to continue doing it. I don't expect him to make a beeline for the chair, put on his coat and shoes and declare he's ready for school, but if we could avoid tantrums about wearing a coat i'd call it a victory. I'll keep you updated.

The last thing we did is institute a "ticket" system for screen time. A big portion of me wants to outlaw "screen time" almost entirely and i can attest to it being a slippery slope if you aren't on top of it. In my experience, you all agree to 30 minutes, or no tv on weeknights or whatever, then the next thing you know the little ones are whining for more, or melting down because they can't watch George or other types of behavior that i'm keen on avoiding. So, we're in the pilot stages, but each boy gets a specified # of tickets for 15 min. increments that they keep in special coin purses. They can watch 15 mins at a time and spend their tickets. They get more each Friday.

Generally the bulk of their screen time happens on the weekend (an hour to an hour and a half) but if they want, they have the opportunity to watch a show or two during the week-- which is a nice tool for both the boys and Mom if we're having a rough day.

Silas and the terrible, horrible, no-good, rotten tantrums

I've been thinking about this post for awhile and yet the idea of sitting down to really dig into my son's tantrums, meltdowns and fits of rage seems to keep losing out to things like, organizing the basement (last night) pulling weeds (nap-time) or searching etsy (all the time!) But before the Henry preschool posts get going (which i promise will be coming soon), i did want to write about Silas and the difficult phase we're going through with him. At first i was going to say so i could remember it, but really it's more so when my friends with younger kids ask me about this type of behavior, i can look back, compare their descriptions with mine and assure them their children are not baboons.

Silas has been lodged in this phase for at least a few months. It's hard to pinpoint the exact start because since he entered toddler-hood, it was apparent he was stubborn and tenacious-- definitely not one to handle with the trusty distraction technique. As he's moved further and further into the twos he's gotten more difficult. He wants what he wants now, and he just melts down if he doesn't get it. He also really, really wants something and then when he gets it he doesn't want THAT and he can't believe you would torture him by taking him to the shower park which he's been dying to go to because now he really, really, really wants to go to the pocket park.

In addition to how easily upset (let's be honest, enraged) he gets, he's also really shy and wary of new people and new routines and just new stuff overall. So he needs to be with Mom pretty much all the time and will meltdown into one of said freak-outs if say, Dad should deign to try to change his diaper.

When we were at the beach obviously everything was new, and even by the time it wasn't new, his meltdowns were reaching a crescendo. It was difficult but also completely and totally exhausting. There were days i didn't have one drop left of patience, or new ideas, or discipline left to give. I think it was probably a lot of little things, he wasn't getting quite the full sleep he needed, he was off his routine, and he's 2. But it did make parts of the vacation really difficult.

Thankfully he's eased off a bit since we've been back. He still gets upset easily and can throw a tantrum with the best of them, but they tend to be more manageable. Unfortunately as some of the meltdowns have subsided we are now moving into another difficult phase of limit testing, hitting and general misbehavior. This one is going to require some new learning on my part because as opposed to Henry, who tested bounds as if he knew it was part of his developmental curve, Silas tests boundaries with absolute and unfettered glee. It's a little worrisome how much his eyes twinkle when he's doing something he shouldn't be. Hmm, makes me think i need to go check out some books on two-year old unruly children. Any suggestions and i'm all ears!

Is pink for girls?

We've made it much farther than i thought we would before a dawning of gender happened in our house. Henry and Silas have both liked traditionally "boy" things from the get-go, all manner of transport vehicles, and balls for sure. But until today we've had no discussion of things "appropriate" for girls and boys. I know Henry knows who is a girl and who is a boy but he hasn't asked and i'm not sure he could explain what makes them actually different. You're supposed to answer questions when they're raised and not overwhelm kids with more than they want to know-- at least that's our current logic.

So today in the car as we're about to pull up at the park Henry says "Pink is for girls." A little bit of question mark at the end of the statement. I told him that lots of girls like the color pink but that boys can like it too. I told him that a lot of times people say "blue is for boys" but that lots of girls like blue as their favorite color. He was happy and i didn't prolong the discussion or probe to figure out what had raised it. I do know that pink has been one of his favorite colors and right now he and Silas have us mark on the calendar who gets to use the sparkly pink cup that was left by a playmate last weekend (and that will be returned clean next weekend!)

Meltdowns and Easter, thankfully not conjoined

From April 2009

So a mix of good and bad to write about. Let's get the bad out of the way. Friday was just about the worst number of hours our family has gone through (although these are certainly in the running, here, here and here.)

I picked the boys up from school per usual and things immediately went downhill. Silas was crying when i got there because two parents had come just before i arrived and he was upset that each one wasn't his mommy. Henry started misbehaving right away, running away from me, not heading up to the car etc. His interplay with Silas seems key to this afternoon going awry. I was irritated and trying to be authoritative which backfired-- on me of course.

I finally *wrestled* them both into their car seats and Silas proceeded to cry strongly the entire way home. Henry was upset too and kept telling Silas to be quiet. No attempts on my part to distract with music or sightings of trains worked at this point.

From April 2009

When we got home i attempted to "reset" the mood-- at least with Henry by apologizing for getting upset and saying that i was hoping we could start over now that we were home. Silas stopped crying and i thought things were looking up. Then we got out of the car and Henry purposely started stomping on the crocuses. I told him to go inside for a time out and he lost it. He stayed lost for approximately 1.5 hours.

Soon thereafter Silas also fell apart. He wanted crackers, he didn't want crackers, he wanted crackers, NO, NO, NO. At this point he also began sobbing and screaming hysterically.

From April 2009

For the next hour and a half JT and i each had one child on a different level of the house alternately disciplining, distracting, or comforting them. Nothing seemed to work and then as suddenly as the storm came it left. By about 7 both boys were happily playing after finally eating some semblance of dinner. JT and i just looked at each other shell-shocked.

In the midst of everything i called Brenda to find out if something happened at school. All she could come up with was that Silas did get upset waiting for me to pick them up and Henry didn't nap. She said there were only 5 of them there that day so they got plenty of attention and she didn't think anything escaped her notice. She even called back to check about an hour later after she had talked to her sister. Thankfully we were doing better by then.

From April 2009

Now that some time has past i think Silas was reaching a peak of his start (gulp) of the terrible twos. He wants what he wants when he wants it and he just lost the ability to calm himself down. I also think that Henry is sensitive to Silas and feeds off the negative or positive energy he exudes. Henry also seems more... threatened, challenged (?) by Silas now that he's becoming a "big boy" himself. We're trying to set aside more special time for Henry and have been emphasizing the good parts of their relationship to one another.

The upside was that every upset since this nuclear attack has seemed mild in comparison.

And now i'm about out of time. Easter was very nice. The boys woke me up Sunday morning and did a little egg hunt to find their easter baskets. They happily explored the contents (which i'll admit was a little practical this year) and then we headed over to Tiffany and Mike's for Easter brunch and an egg hunt. All the kids had fun finding the eggs but we were nice enough to give the littlest ones a head start.

From April 2009

Henry in particular had a great time and told me that he wanted Mario Race Cart for his birthday and a real fish tank. We talked about how he could have a fish tank when he was a little older and he said "yes, when i'm 8." He also told me that Tiffany could buy it for him when he's 8 so if you're reading this you're on notice :)

We're knee-deep in preparations for the boys "ill-timed" pirate party and a visit from Oma and Opa. I hope to have lots more to report and pictures up next week.

We get some expert help...

In the two to three years before i got pregnant with Henry i was what they call "baby crazy." I was obsessed with having a baby and i channeled the delay before we were both ready into reading absolutely everything i could get my hands on. I was still supporting us both while JT went to law school so i read every parenting book in the Chicago library system and pretty much every book on the shelves of the Barnes and Noble-- while nestled into their comfy chairs.

By the time i actually got pregnant, i was basically done with pregnancy books and focused all my efforts on books about infancy, childcare, and toddlers. When Henry was actually born and had his various ailments including colic and sleep troubles-- i read what i could find on those topics as well. Once we thankfully moved on from these i was a bit burned out on reading and for approximately the past 3.5 years i've mostly winged it.

I have a monthly subscription to a parenting magazines so i'm up on the latest child-rearing sound bites. And i have a resident early-childhood expert on speed dial so i wasn't completely out of touch, but mostly we've felt pretty good about being able to tackle what came based on our own ideas and approaches.


But then, in the past several months we started having some real behavioral challenges with Henry. Nothing completely out of the ordinary but unpleasant all the same. He's defiant, easily upset, sometimes sulky and was starting to throw some serious tantrums. I'm a very patient person and i don't have that much of a temper. And yet, i was finding myself irritated a lot and getting angry and even, gasp-- yelling more and more. Between Henry's phase and Silas' normal toddler antics i felt like we just weren't doing the best we could-- for them and us!

So i've checked another round of books out from the library and the first one i read; "Mom I Hate You: Children's Provocative Communication," has proven extremely helpful. The author is a Psychiatrist and the books deals with helping you understand why kids say things that press our buttons and how to deal with these situations in a way that takes power away from provocative statements and teaches them how to behave better. We're experiencing pretty dramatic improvements with Henry just by using some of the initial approaches he suggests. Next up is a book called "Positive Discipline" so i'll let you know how that one goes.

What about when they swarm you?

Somehow in the last few weeks the boys had converging phases of difficulty that managed to overwhelm all our parental patience and skill some evenings. Henry continues to be defiant and sassy and we were struggling with epic MAD meltdowns that were just spiraling out of control. Even though we were setting timers, giving him warnings before transitions, he just couldn't handle it when a favorite activity was curtailed. We finally decided that a serious contributing factor was video games before bed. He just seemed to be unable to control himself when he got upset about having to stop and we endured a few hour long tantrum/meltdowns before we banned video game to weekend afternoons. He's no sweet angel all the time but so far so good on the utter meltdown messes we had endured. He's been doing well at school and he got "twenty thumbs up" from his babysitter last night so i know he saves the really juicy bits of naughtiness for us.

Silas just about did us in there for a bit. We got locked in an epic power-struggle over seating arrangements for meals. As it turns out Silas is possibly more stubborn (hard-headed as they say at school) than any of the rest of us. He very clearly did not want to sit in his booster seat to eat meals anymore. He wanted to sit in the regular chairs which he can get himself up and down from on his own now. This would be all fine and good, and we do let him sit in the chairs to read books or play at the table, but he's constantly standing up in them testing us and has fallen off more than once. It's essentially impossible to let him eat dinner in the chair without him making a serious mess and most likely impaling himself on a plastic spoon.

As the days wore on i tried to make a tea party with stuffed animals in all the other seats, i switched the placement of his seat with mine, nothing worked. The first night he got so upset and couldn't calm down that he just asked to go to bed-- sans dinner. The second night he finally did calm down and sit in his chair but only after we gave him his pacifier and baby. On the third day JT had the idea of resurrecting the little table and chairs. It's not been a perfect solution-- we now have to constantly get Silas to sit back down until he's done eating. But at least for now we're not losing our minds over the iron will of someone that doesn't reach our knee caps.

Favorites

I read an article lately that talked about one of those unspeakable parenthood topics-- favorites. The woman admitted to almost always having a favorite between her kids, but explained the favorite changed based on the phase one was in versus the other. For instance two year-old tantrums versus a six-month old sitting up, clapping and smiling-- but immobile.

This makes sens to me, but i'm also certain that to date my kids phases' have been more complicated than that-- making it less clear who the favorite would be. It's true that Henry is currently experimenting with talking-back, saying no, pretending not to hear you, and otherwise exercising his independent personality. And while Silas doesn't have the verbal prowess to argue with me, he does throw any item that strikes his fancy in the trash can and emits a high pitched wail when he doesn't get his way.

It's a wash really. Maybe because they're so close in age, their strengths and weaknesses seem balanced. It's possible i'll have a favorite at some point, but i'm sure to not write about it here.

Parenting Pros*

It's been 4 years since i was last in NYC and my friends' 2 month old was the perfect excuse for a new visit. Pregnant with Henry during my last visit, I was still more or less just imagining life as a parent. I returned to NYC a pro-- at least concerning the parenting stages we've covered to date. I'm hoping that being able to tap a fellow parent for ideas and comfort was helpful to my friends, but i know it was affirming for me.

Seeing Sadie, talking about Sadie, thinking about what Sadie will be learning over the next few months brought back a lot of memories about Henry's infancy and JT and i as new parents. I realized as the stories i told involved crying, colic, surgery, sleep battles, insomnia, depression and being totally overwhelmed, that we did really have a rough start to parenting. Acknowledging that we survived, decided to have a second, and emerged on the other side happy and busy and content with our boys and our parenting skills was affirming, and an important note to a nice social visit.

Henry is going through another testing/behavior phase so the break from wrestling with him all the time was nice. As was knowing with utmost certainty that JT was completely capable of more than just "handling them" for the weekend. They loved the gifts i brought back-- a book about grand central station for Henry and a hat with a spinning top for Silas. Bonus-- i missed the hottest (90 degree) day in over a fortnight.

*Karmic Disclaimer: I am only claiming to be a pro regarding the actual parenting situations we have experienced with our two individual children. I do not claim to have professional status over any parenting situations we have not yet reached, nor with regards to children of other personalities or challenges.

16 Months

I wanted to do a bit of an update on Silas as he's changing pretty rapidly and i really like having these inventory-type posts to look back on. Silas turned 16 months old two days ago and we've recently moved-out of a few phases that i'm not particularly sad to see go.

He no longer spends 98% of his bath time standing up or trying to climb up the walls. While it helped that he found it hysterical when he slid down into the water on his face, it made bath time terrifying (for me) and frustrating because no amount of no, or distraction, or ending the bath made him sit-down; at least not for more than a minute. The best success we had was when he made a game of plopping down into the water and giggling as the water sloshed out from under him.


Similarly the thrill has worn off going up the stairs at any available opportunity. This was particularly fun while on vacation because no one had gates. Gates are very important when you have a willful toddler hell-bent on climbing the stairs and without them we had a two-week long episode of "catch me before i get up the stairs!"

Silas definitely has walking down-- he doesn't lose his balance often, he walks with his hands at his sides and he's getting more adept at trying to climb onto things. He can get on and off his little push bike on his own and he started pushing his bike forward by himself just a week or two ago.

As i inserted with my late breaking news last night, i think that Silas is starting to round the speech corner. He's definitely trying to imitate words now and while his pronunciation leaves a lot to be desired, he's trying and that's a really big step to have taken-- especially before we have to report back to the Dr at 18 months.

The biggest challenge with Silas is discipline. My feeling is that there aren't that many strategies to play with at this age. The thing about Silas is that none of them seem to have any effect. I've tried getting down on his level and making eye contact while saying no, squeezing his hand while saying no, taking the toy/food/weapon away, putting him in his crib for a minute, and at times yelling. Not only do none of these curtail the behavior (which isn't entirely surprising) they don't get ANY reaction.

Silas is a different type of boy than Henry, and it's not surprising to me that his favorite trick is to stick his fingers into the mucky hole left in our front sidewalk from an old sawed off fence pole. No matter how you approach telling him not to he keeps on jamming his fingers in the hold and doesn't raise an eyebrow while you wave your arms and stomp. In fact now he makes the sound for "yucky" *while* he sticks his fingers in the goo.

I was discussing this with a friend while she watched Silas and i battle over taking bunny for a swim in the wading pool. She commented that it will probably take him a little longer for him to actually respond to our tactics, but she guessed he would always have a defiant streak. Don't i know it...

One could ask...

What else could go w***g, but that would be foolish. So instead, i'll count my blessings that we're about on our way to recovery. When i posted my quick update a few days ago we were all struggling with mild illnesses, expect JT, who's been layed-out with a bad chest cold all week. Unfortunately mine developed into full-blown stomach flu and if the viral attack wasn't enough i also wound up with an infection too. Fun, Fun. On top of all this my computer died and i've been comically trying to work on an 8 year-old laptop while a) a back-up computer was sent to me and b) the Dell guy gets out here to replace my motherboard. It's been nuts-- and not in a good way.

On top of all of this Henry has been having a bit of a hard time of it lately. He's clearly testing new boundaries and is having a renaissance with the word no as well as sometimes getting pouty suddenly, without warning and saying things like "no one's going to be my friend! I don't want to do nothing!" It seems like after he gets to be sufficiently grumpy something will spark his interest and he goes back to being his old little excited self.

Last night he just had a total meltdown and it took every effort in the book to pull him out of it. I talked with Brenda today to find out if anything had happened at school yesterday that i wasn't aware of. After talking awhile i think it was shear exhaustion. He hasn't been napping particularly week at daycare lately but yesterday was the worst with only 10 minutes or so laying down. I think he was just too tired to exercise any self-control once the meltdown started. It was a mix of heart-breaking, frustrating and slightly amusing-- but thankfully the Chinese food delivery man arrived at just the right time. Fortune cookies can be a strong enticement.

We're hoping to have a fun weekend now that everyone is on the mend and hopefully after 6 today my computer will be working again and i'll be able to access some new photos.

6 Weeks, 6 Days/ 2 Years, 3 Weeks, 6 Days

It's hard to tear myself away to write this entry because Silas is sitting next to me just smiling away. Really big smiles. This is pretty cool because he's still been a little scare with the smiles most days. These are super big smiles, almost like he's trying to laugh!

We enjoyed a nice weekend mostly at home and now we're heading into a busy week. We've decided to try to install a paver-patio with the help of our friends Corey and Troy, so today i'm hoping to head to Home Depot to see if we can order and have delivered all the necessary materials.

Yesterday i mowed the lawn for the first time this year and learned that although Henry is a fan of his toy mower, the real thing is a little bit too scary for him. I knew it would take me awhile to get the mower started, since it hadn't been used in many months. So Henry was outside with me while i was working on it. I was talking about what the mower is and how noisy it was. Once i got it started i told him again it was noisy and started to make the first turn around the yard-- i looked back to check on Henry and saw him screaming, tears streaming down his face. Off went the mower and i went over to comfort him. After he calmed down i took him over to show him what the mower does and how it cut some of the grass shorter. Then i asked him if he wanted to stay with me and play with his bubbles or go inside with dad. He was pretty clear he wanted to go "side."

Not to make it seem like all i did was work on Mother's day. JT made me breakfast in bed and let me name my wake-up time-- both very much appreciated gestures.

Bump in the road...

Silas is making his way towards three weeks and things were going swimmingly. Then two nights ago i had a terrible time sleeping and started feeling ill. Yesterday was truly awful-- i hurt in a million places and just couldn't sleep. Luckily i recognized the early signs of mastitis and was able to get in to see my Dr. last night. I started antibiotics last night and coupled with lots of sleep (interrupted as it was) i'm feeling MUCH better today. Still a little sluggish so i'm definitely taking it easy.

On top of the mastitis i hurt my back last week and it's not getting better. The Dr. gave me a referral to a chiropractor and physical therapy if that doesn't help. I couldn't get an appt. until Monday, but hopefully it will do the trick. Going upstairs is excruciating and even just walking is painful.

Henry is still doing well. I think he's starting to realize that my time is divided and occasionally demands my attention-- so JT and i have been trying to make sure that i have time just for Henry-- especially since most mornings Henry just sees me to say hi while i'm feeding Silas in bed.

Silas needs a little more attention-- sometimes he needs to be held for a bit before he can fall asleep-- and in the early evening. But he's generally easy to figure out and you can actually lay him down (and he stays asleep!) once he's gotten to sleep. We took him in for his 2 week appt. on Tuesday and he had gained a pound-- he's up to 9 lbs. 5.5 oz. So-- even though he's possibly the gassiest baby i've ever met-- he's gaining like gang busters. I'm doing my best to rotate all of his 0-3 outfits because i'm afraid they aren't going to fit much longer!

22 Months, 3 Weeks, 1 Day

Henry is most definitely in the "mine" phase. It's interesting to observe though, because he's only about 50% of the time using mine as a declaration. The other half the time he says it in a questioning way and you really get that he's honestly trying to sort out what belongs to him and what doesn't. We went to the bookstore yesterday afternoon and while JT was browsing Henry and i headed to the train table they have set-up in the kids section. Henry played with the trains some and enjoyed watching the older little boy play with them as well. Then he noticed the boxes of train stuff for sale. He picked up a couple and asked "mine" repeatedly. I just told him no, those trains belonged to the bookstore. After a few times, it sunk in and he said "yeah" like this made sense to him. He does it with all kinds of other stuff, some of which is funny trying to explain that no the church bells aren't Henry's and the birds and squirrels don't belong to him either. I love watching his little brain sort all of the details of living out.

I'm so sorry that i forgot my camera, but we made it to the park yesterday for the first time in ages! We're enjoying a bit of a warm-up and we tried to take advantage of it. It was fun to watch what Henry could do, or do more confidently since we were there last in the fall. He loved the slide and just walking back and forth over the arched bridge and up and down the ramp. He thought he wanted to swing but was immediately interested in being back on the ground once he tried it out.

Saturday i hosted a baby shower for a friend of mine due at the end of April. Henry woke up from his nap to find the dining room peopled with ladies having tea. He was actually less shy than normal and was actually a little flirtatious. I even found him sitting on one guests' lap at one point. He and JT enjoyed a leisurely walk around the block while the party was winding down.

In news about me, i got my braces off on Friday which feels amazing, and i've some mild contractions off and on since Friday night. Nothing particularly strong and nothing that has turned into anything. It would be nice if this didn't last for two more weeks, but at this point i'm not due until two weeks from tomorrow.

Sick

Thankfully Henry seems to just have a mild cold. I unfortunately, have some horrendous virus from Hell. I went to the Dr. today to rule out a sinus infection or strep and it appears just to be a really bad virus. The bad thing about that is the only thing i can do is continue to stay in bed and drink lots of liquids. I've been in bed basically since Friday afternoon and have to say i'm not feeling a whole lot better. I've taken today off from work and may have to take tomorrow off as well.

I'm not keen on using up my sick leave, but i just feel to horrible to try to make it through a work-day, even if i just kept my pajamas on!

I am feeling slightly better this afternoon-- good enough to sit up in bed and type rather than having to be completely horizontal all the time.

Henry has a runny nose and hasn't been sleeping great but he doesn't seem to feel as bad as i do and hasn't run a temperature or anything. He started being really disobedient this weekend and i'm hoping that it was a symptom of being cooped up and not the start of a new phase. There were several blocks of hours where he would do the absolute opposite of whatever you asked him. We had to draw the line at the spitting habit he seems to have acquired. It starts out as blowing spit bubbles but then he thinks it's hysterical to actually spit all that saliva out. Jt and i had both told him no uncertain terms that spitting wasn't allowed so he's suffered 2 or 3 timeouts over the issue already. I'll have to talk to Brenda to see how he fared at daycare today. I'm hoping he can hold off on this phase at least until i'm back in fighting form.

21 Months, 3 Weeks

I know i haven't been as regular with the posting as many folks would like. I'm starting to slow down a little bit with this pregnancy. I'm definitely hitting the big and uncomfortable stage. It's also amazing how busy work is right now and how much there is for me to get done before i go out on leave. I'm also feeling slightly under the weather. Nothing seems full-blown but i think i've got some kind of low-grade virus that is also affecting my stomach. While i certainly don't feel great, i just hope that it stays with me and doesn't infect JT or Henry.

We've been doing everything we can to stay warm around here. We've been dealing with highs from -2 to 4 degrees for several days and it hasn't been above freezing in over two weeks i believe. Today it's a little better though-- a high of 15, and by this weekend it's supposed to be positively balmy at 27 degrees.

We had one really bad cold-related incident earlier this week. I think it was Monday morning and i was taking Henry to daycare. I put his gloves on but they were cold (we had left them in the car from the night before) and he just cried and screamed the whole way to Brendas. It was so cold that the car really didn't heat up at all until after i was headed home so it didn't even improve while we were driving there.

I actually came in with Henry to take his coat off and help get him settled thinking that might help but he was still so upset and then really crying and not wanting me to leave. Unfortunately i did have to go but i called a bit later to make sure he had settled down and Brenda said "of course, as soon as they got the legos out." He hasn't really had any outbursts since then, but he has kept his gloves and hat on because even he knows it's cold!

He's not consistent about it, but he's starting to take more of an interest in his clothes. He has this one t-shirt from Oklahoma State that he loves. My Grandmother bought it for him after my last trip back there in January. It has pistol pete on the front and back of the shirt and whenever he picks out anything to wear, it's that shirt. I told him it was orange and that was a good choice and why didn't he wear his LONG-SLEEVE orange shirt instead. He refused so he's sporting the layered look today with his Pistol Pete shirt over another shirt. This morning he also insisted on wearing his dress coat instead of his everyday coat.

We're making a second go at swim class today. I double-checked the bag and have his swim suit so i just have to make sure to put mine on!

Hysterics

Hmm, well we've had two days that i wouldn't necessarily count as good in a row. Hopefully that means that tomorrow will break the cycle.

Yesterday i picked Henry up and we headed to swimming until i realized i had forgotten to pack his swimsuit. I had everything else, swim diapers, towels, MY suit, even snacks and milk for after swimming but no suit. So, we just headed to the grocery store and picked up some things for the shower i'm helping throw on Saturday. Henry didn't seem particularly nonplussed one way or the other but i was surprised at how disappointed i was.

Today we had therapy in the morning and i was worried it was going to be a terrible session, because Henry was really ornery this morning-- very non-cooperative and lots of screaming. But amazingly it was probably our best day yet. He did really well with everything and didn't freak out once. We're supposed to encourage his running and bouncing because she's really satisfied with his stair-climbing ability.

Tonight when i picked him up from Brenda's he was one ball of hysteria from the time i picked him up until after i put him to bed (and beyond). I had snacks in the car for the ride home which was great for about 15 minutes but when they ran out and he started asking for milk he was inconsolable that we didn't have any. JT is working late today so we stopped off at our local taco place to pick up some dinner on the way home. While we were in there waiting for our order Henry actually did one of those tantrums you see in the cartoons where he laid face down (yuck!) on the restaurant floor and kicked and beat his fists. I'm still not even sure what that outburst was about (maybe the milk still?)

When we got home i got Henry some milk and another snack really quickly but by then it didn't matter what i did he just kept screaming and crying and generally being upset. It didn't help that i thought i had lost my wallet somewhere between the restaurant (3 blocks away) and home. I decided to just scoop Henry up sit on the couch with him and his milk and just cuddle. Good idea but that also elicited screaming. I finally tamed the beast by repeating but also putting on his signing video. He calmed down enough for us to watch some of his video and then go eat dinner. After that he wouldn't let me out of his sight or he would be screaming and crying.

We passed the evening in this fashion and i put him down early for bed thinking he must be really tired. Up until 15 minutes ago, he was up crying every 20 minutes or so. He finally got really upset and i told him it was time to go to sleep and that i would see him in the morning. He screamed bloody murder for about a minute and has now been quiet. I have a very bad headache.

I'll ask Brenda how he's been there but i get the sense he's testing out these new "tantrum" behaviors more than he's really upset about something. He was rarely really crying-- and sometimes while screaming he was making the "fake crying" face. So, he's probably just testing me but tonight was a hard time for the pop-quiz.

I'm giving him a few more minutes and if he's still quiet i'm going to take a bath...

Time-Out!

Henry digging the bath and all his new toys-- thanks Eric and Kai!

Today Henry had his first time-out. When i came to pick him up Brenda told me she had a funny story. She said that Henry was hitting another child and when she told him to stop he paused, looked at her and hit again. So she told him he needed to get into the time-out chair. She said that as soon as she sat him down he got up looked at her like she was crazy and defiantly got up and walked off. This repeated two more times until he finally got the idea and sat there. She said he looked at her like "but you're supposed to be my friend" but stayed there the whole minute.

I told her we hadn't tried it at home yet, because we weren't sure if it was too early (plus it's easier to just distract him at home where he's the only child we're dealing with*) but that i was glad it had ultimately worked and that she had gotten Henry used to the idea. Henry definitely seems to get overexcited and aggressive when he's around a lot of people-- we saw some of this at the holidays and i'm sure at daycare sometimes the stimulation just turns him into a crazy monster. I'm always amazed at how calm Brenda is, so i'm sure she'll help him through this phase.

I told Henry in the car that Brenda wasn't being mean, just helping him learn the rules. I'm sure we'll have to have that conversation just a few more times.

In (tempered) good news, Henry slept all the way through the night last night for the first time in probably a month. Between his surgical recovery, diarrhea and a recent cold, i've been trudging up and down the stairs up to 3 times a night for a month now. There's a reason the new baby is going to be up here with us and this up and down stairs stuff stinks. As i mentioned Henry slept last night from 7:30 to 7:30 this morning. He moaned a few times at 6 and then went back to sleep. Unfortunately tonight he seems to be having some trouble sleeping because between 7:30-9:00 i've been in there 4 times. Hopefully he's getting all his rocks out now and once i turn in he'll really be asleep.

* for approximately 12 more weeks that is. I had my midwife appointment today and everything looks good and i'm measuring right on. The baby's heartbeat was strong and clear and my crazy weight gain slowed a little which is good. I know i should enjoy it now because sometime around 35 weeks last time my face and the rest of my body ballooned out. For now i just have a gigantic pregnant belly which is decently easy to deal with.